QUIVER. Sexual Debut Stories: Violet.  By Lisa Ellex

QUIVER. Sexual Debut Stories: Violet. By Lisa Ellex

. 3 min read

For her first column on first-time-sex, writer Lisa Ellex tells Violet’s story and discusses the “inheritance” of a healthy sexual attitude.

My mother married my father out of guilt. “It was 1954, I was 17-years-old, and we were intimate. Girls like me were looked upon as ‘used goods’. I thought I had no choice.”

The 1960s women’s movement (and a little help from Erica Jong’s 1973 novel, Fear of Flying) greatly contributed to my mother’s physical and spiritual liberation. It also influenced her decision to divorce my father.  Enlightened, she passed her new and healthy sexual attitude along to me, and I to my daughter. Call it our family heirloom. I am happy my mother lived long enough to see a time when life choices such as marriage are no longer influenced by sexual mores.  We are, for the most part, free to love whomever we choose, whenever we choose, however we choose.

I would love nothing more than to interview my mother for the debut of this column and further share with you how her first sexual experience shaped -- and re-shaped -- her adult sex life, but mom has moved on to that great Plato’s Retreat in the sky.  I only hope she found a clean mattress.

From Colette to Henry Miller, authors of modern literature deliciously recounted desire.  Somehow, the Golden Age of Television ushered in a pseudo-puritanical moral code for the 1950s, and a guilt-ridden America played along.

Someone who did not play along is a friend I will call Violet. Not only does she share my mother’s birth year, but she also shares my mother’s free-thinking spirit.

A bright and curious child who “developed early and attracted many suitors”, Violet’s parents kept a watchful eye. She met her “first” -- we will call him Roman -- under the awning of a church picnic concession stand while waiting for a rain storm to pass. A romantic beginning, indeed. It was the summer after her freshman year of high school and Roman was about to enter college on a football scholarship. She fell fast for the tall, dark, and handsome athlete, and when he walked her home that night he asked to see her again. And again.  And they spent the next year seeing each other on weekends when Roman would make the one hour drive from his college dorm to Violet’s house.  When her parents forbid her to get in a car with him, Violet protested, “Don’t be ridiculous! Anything we can do in a car we can do under a bush!”  And so, Violet would walk around the corner to rendezvous with Roman who was waiting in his 1947 Plymouth.

Feeling the strain of classes, football, and his part-time job, Roman enlisted in the Air Force to later finish college on the G.I. Bill. Violet was heart-broken. They spent the next year corresponding through steamy love letters. When Violet graduated that June, Roman was transferred to an outpost in the Midwest. Despite earning two full college scholarships, Violet decided to follow and marry Roman.

I asked Violet if forfeiting her scholarships was a difficult decision.  “I was in love. I was in lust. I was 17-years-old. What did I know?”  What Violet did know was that for the rest of Roman’s days their physical life perfectly reflected their courtship: romantic and passionate. Violet was done talking now, but I couldn’t help but ask, “So, did you do it in the car or under a bush?”  Candid yet reserved, she answered, “You find a way.”

How did your first sexual encounter shape your adult sex life?

With love,

Lisa

The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter from Dish Stanley curating articles & intelligence on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?



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