The Crush Letter No 130: The Musk Bio; Slightly Raunchy Sex Humor

. 11 min read

I'm Dish and I write a weekly newsletter about life, love, and culture for those 50+. Because midlife and beyond is so much hotter than they said it would be. Hell yes, sign me up for the Dish.

Hello Crush,

The only thing I miss about dating is meeting new people in a way you otherwise wouldn't, which is with the mutual igniting of (even if not consummating) sexual energies. But I've been with Elizabeth for a contented 20 years now! I barely remember dating ... Jim

I got the above note from a good friend, Jim, checking in on how things were going with my dating. I love how he gets right to the climax (so to speak) of the dating experience. The sexual charge of being across the table, deep in conversation with somebody you recently met who you find intriguing and who is shooting off "I think I could be into you sparks." All the mystery, possibility and drama. It's a thrill in and of itself entirely distinct from what happens (or not) after dinner. If we scored a corner table where an occasional brush against his arm is possible, and the lighting is not too bright, you've got all the elements for an A+ date right there.

But I know Jim well and I know that he is content with what he refers to often as his "simple life of going home to the same interesting woman every night." That sounds aces, too. Jim finds both sustenance and joy in the constancy of the love and life he and Elizabeth have built together. He would never consider trading that in for dating, even though he allows himself a moment of longing over (only) the very best part of it. Yet, I appreciate his note as a reminder to fully enjoy the peak, and transitory, moments of my current dating life.

Jim's note got me thinking about how it's going, this most recent dating round, which, (in short), is that it's been fun. A lot more fun than ever before (in my life! who would have imagined?). I was trying to figure out why and I kept coming back to the fact that I got a few hot new dresses and slipping them on makes me feel magical (really! they're magic dresses!) but certainly there's more to it than that. Right?

Anyway, I am still working on figuring that out and have started writing a piece for a future Letter with one of these preliminary titles: (1) Fumbling Towards Ecstasy* (because why not be optimistic?) or (2) Dating Is More Fun When You Detach and Don't Give A Shit (because it's true) or (3) I Can Buy Myself Flowers**: Dating When You've Built A Solo Life That You Love (because there's been a rash of recent articles about how everybody is happier married). Stay tuned for that.

*Thank you, Sarah McLachlan

**Thank you, Miley Cyrus

Other than thinking through that, I spent the week setting up my kitchen and dining room, goofing off with friends and attending a lecture by Walter Isaacson on his new Elon Musk biography (engaging; my notes are below).

What I've got for you today is an eclectic mix of entertainment, starting with the song that makes CRUSH Reader "Sem Christopher" want to f*ck which, when he listened to live with his then-girlfriend, made him realize he wanted to somehow convince her to become his wife (touching, Christopher!). Among other things, we've also got some light sex humor Dish Readers have sent me (unsolicited, but very much appreciated) over the last couple of weeks. (Don't scroll down if you're easily offended! (Although, I'm not sure what you're doing here, of all places, if you are, honey.))

Have fun!

PS: Got your own funny sex humor (or anything else relevant)? Send it to me at Maybe we'll make this a regular thing, you and me?

If you're new here (welcome!), I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies. For more about me and why we're here go here.

In This Letter. +Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck. It was that night that I deeply understood that I'd be a fool not to try to convince her to take me on long-term. +Which Big Fall Book Should You Read? A Clever Flowchart from Emily Temple of LitHub Whoever has the goss on that guy we all hate. +Still Deciding Whether Or Not to Read Walter Isaacson's Bio on Elon Musk? Perhaps This Will Help. By Dish Stanley I think it is clear – not from stating it, but from the way I present the stories - that he is often an asshole. +Slightly Raunchy Funny Sex Humor +Our Song of the Week Let's take our time

Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck.

Slow Love By Prince

Submitted by Crush Reader Sem Christopher*

What about this song musically does it for you?

The throbbing start. The variation from tenor to falsetto, which makes you feel the motion (if you know what I mean). The conscientious build.

Is there a memory you attach to this song?

I saw Prince live in London in the 90’s with my then-girlfriend, now-wife. It was that night that I deeply understood that I'd be a fool not to try to convince her to take me on long-term. So for a lot of reasons, some having to do with my date and some with the performance itself, it was quite a memorable evening. I go right back to that night and the moment I "knew" when I hear this song.

Who/what are you thinking of when you listen to this song?

My wife over and over. After 20-something years. God am I a lucky man.

Anything else…?

“Tonight is the night for making slow love …”

Want to know what f*ck songs other CRUSH Readers have shared? Read here. And, of course, we'd love to hear yours:

Which Big Fall Book Should You Read? A Clever Flowchart from Emily Temple of LitHub

Does it happen to you like it happens to me (all the time) that you see something somebody else has put out there and say to yourself, "Damn, Dish. I wish I had thought of that." And then maybe "I wish I were cleverer/more creative/less of a linear thinker and also, could draw." But that's my reaction exactly to Temple's "totally scientific and accurate flowchart" from Daily LitHub of what to read among the new fall books. I mean, really. Dive in, CRUSHes. It tracks.

In the very same Daily LitHub post as the totally fun flowchart above was this excellent discussion between Madeline Miller, author of Circe, and Emily Wilson, who just published a new translation to The Iliad, on breathing new life into the classics. Loved it. Especially these lines: "To me, there is something so profound about how Hector's rash courage is so closely intertwined with his fragility, his fear of shame, his desperate desire to do the right thing; and how Achilles' fury is so intimately linked to his knowledge of his own mortality, his knowledge of his limits and inability to bear that he is much and yet not everything ... "

Still Deciding Whether Or Not to Read Walter Isaacson's Bio on Elon Musk? Perhaps This Will Help. By Dish Stanley

I should start out by saying I have the book, but I'm not sure whether I'm going to read the book. I'm currently reading random, short chapters to determine how much time I want to devote in my life to living in Elon Musk's life. With that disclaimer behind us, it seems to me that part of deciding whether to take on Isaacson's Elon Musk involves getting some background on the author, his subject and the nature of their author-subject relationship. Isaacson himself, if you ever have an opportunity to hear him, is as charming as they come. A native of New Orleans, he is both an intellect and a wit, and a master at sharing a short, humorous story to underscore a point.

At a recent lecture, Isaacson shared the following:

About his relationship with Musk: "When Musk and I began discussing the possibility of the biography, he asked me what the terms would be. I said 'I'd have all access, and you'd have no control whatsoever.' Musk didn't get a right to read it before it was published ... I ran into Musk after it was published and he asked me then whether he should read it and I said, 'No.' He has been quoted saying ever since that he hasn't read it because I told him not to."

About the commentary from some reviewers that he was not tough enough on Musk: "A lot of reviewers are discussing whether all that access inexorably made me too close to Musk. I think not. I have taken on a great number of geniuses as subjects of my biographies, and I'm clear on who my client is. It's you, the reader. Not whoever the subject might be."

About Musk's childhood: "As every good biographer knows, understanding the childhood is necessary in order to understand the man. Musk grew up in a very violent world, both his environment in South Africa as well as him environment. South Africa was a tough place to grow up in, and as a bit of a nerd, Elon's father believed that he had to be toughed up, so he was sent to a wilderness camp where the kids literally had to fight each other for food. He was taught to beat other kids up in order to eat."

"His father, too, was abusive, lacking in empathy and on the autism spectrum. One day Musk was shoved down multiple flights of stairs and beaten so badly that he ended up in the hospital for days, it was that serious. When he returned home his father berated him further. Made Musk stand in front of him for hours while he yelled at him."

"Musk himself has said 'My childhood taught me that pain is a form of love.'"

About what he thinks about Musk, as a person: "He is impulsive, paranoid, extreme, obsessive, also a visionary, a disruptor and an unstoppable force. The light and dark strands of Musk's character are immutably intertwined. A Musk who restrained the dark would not be a Musk unbound enough to disrupt the United States car industry, create the only communications system operating in Ukraine throughout the war, or to make it his mission to make humans a 'multi-planetary species."

"He utterly lacks empathy. Human connection is not his strength, and he is aware of that."

"I think it is clear – not from stating it, but from the way I present the stories - that he is often an asshole."

About the factors that contribute to making a genius (generally): "Clearly there is something about perceiving yourself to have an "outsider" status that contributes to genius. Smart people are a dime a dozen. What matters to genius is to be able to think differently, and there's something about being an outsider that drives you, or allows you, to do that. Look at Einstein – a Jew in Nazi Germany, and not actually a first-rate physicist, but he questioned something every other physicist took as formulaic: 'Maybe we should question whether time is absolute.'

"And then Leonardo – he was born as the illegitimate son of a father who never recognized him, and gay. He was trained as an engineer, but he's considered one of the world's greatest painters."

"Steve Jobs was adopted into a lower-middle-class family and always felt like an outsider ..."

"Musk, of course, was an unpopular nerd who got beaten up, and then an immigrant to the U.S."

Some (Only) Slightly Raunchy Funny Sex Humor

A round-up of unsolicited sex humor sent to me from CRUSH Readers. (I LOVE you guys, thanks!) if you're easily offended.

For commentary on this vibrator that doubles as a razor (ouch!) listen here.

Song Of The Week

Slow Love By Prince

Listen Here

Have a wonderful week, CRUSHes. I love you!

Dish Stanley XO,

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The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter from Dish Stanley curating articles & intelligence on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?


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