Hello Crush,
Happy Saturday, dearest CRUSH Readers. I spent the week racing around doing tiresome chores that I put off over the summer (because it was SUMMER!) (car inspection, garbage disposal repair and also, I think my nephew dropped a cocktail on my living room carpet when he crashed at my place last Spring so I had to get a professional carpet cleaner in ...). But as a reward for all that, I've taken myself to New York City, where I am writing from now, and the Village Vanguard has reopened so I've got tickets to hear a late set of jazz there tonight. Can't wait.
Two quick things for you – first, next week we are doing another Special Issue on the U.S. for you with some highly personalized travel takes. It's really coming together well, and I couldn't be more excited. Secondly, thanks to the courageous volunteers who responded to our call out for Sex Toy/Product Testers! I love you!(you know who you are, but since we are keeping testers anonymous the rest of you can't!). We need a couple more, so here it is again if you missed it:
Want to Test Sex Toy/Products For PrimeCrush? We Need You.
Arousal Gells, Lubes, Sex Gummies, Vibrators & Other Toys. We are looking to put together a CRUSH group that we can reach out to as we line up toys and products to test. You can be solo or partnered, need to be 40+, won't pay for any of the products, and must agree to fill out a survey after testing on the timeline that meets our publishing dates. Your "real name" will never be published in connection with a review. You will have to indicate that you are "conflict-free" and have no financial interest in the companies whose products we test. Interested in learning more? Please email me (Dish) at ToyTest@primecrush.com. Thank you!
In This Letter. +QUIVER. Sexual Debut Stories. By Lisa Ellex. Jake. +F*ck Songs. Crush Reader Sarah Vesperman gives us a song that makes her wanna ... +Lamentations on the Lost Art of Kissing. Elisabeth C. Lamotte contemplates the potential for the perfect kiss, recalling her past and contemplating the future. +DEVOUR. What to do, read, watch, listen to & know about this week. This week we've got our extended version, with contributions from Lisa Ellex. +Our Song of the Week. The youthful desire that feels endless and impossible to satiate.
QUIVER. Sexual Debut Stories. By Lisa Ellex
Jake.
“For whatever reason, the married woman became fixated on me.”
A hardcore New Yorker, Jake is full of colorful stories spanning his 40 years as a restaurateur. Now 65, he is divorced, retired, and enjoying his first grandchild.
“There were a lot of great things about growing up in Manhattan: It was a short walk to our Catholic school, we played hockey on the street, it was a ten-minute subway ride to Central Park, and some Friday nights meant piling into a Checker cab with friends to see a concert at Madison Square Garden. The drinking age was 18, but by 14 years old we had fake IDs that got us into the bars.
On a Saturday night in 1973, I was in one of those bars with my classmate, Mousey, shooting darts and drinking beer. If you believed Mousey’s stories, he was a guy of great sexual prowess. I, on the other hand, was still an inexperienced 17-year-old. So there I was, listening to Mousey’s intimate adventures when two women walked in and asked us if we wanted to play darts for beer. Both women were tall, thin blondes who could have passed for twins. Hippy chicks, about thirty years old. It was the stuff boys dream of.
We were having a lot of fun getting to know them when one of the women divulged that she was married to a member of a well-known rock band that was out on a world tour. The other woman chimed in that she was the ‘old lady’ of a musician from the same band. Then, she asked how old we were.
‘We’re 18,’ Mousey lied.
‘Can you get us some acid?’, the married woman asked.
Caught up in the moment, I blurted out, ‘Sure!’ and was out the door. I barreled down the stairs of the subway just outside the bar, took the train two stops to 23rd Street, then ran to an apartment building where two kids sat behind a desk in the lobby. I told them what I wanted, paid them, and they disappeared, returning shortly with four tabs of acid. I stuck the acid in my pocket, jumped back on the train, and returned to the bar.
After we all did the acid, the women invited us to an apartment on the lower east side where we did shots and smoked weed. For whatever reason, the married woman became fixated on me. Perhaps it was my Irish Catholic upbringing, but I didn’t feel right about being with a married woman so I decided to pair off with her friend. And that’s the last thing I remember.
When I woke up in the morning, the married woman was sleeping beside me. Though I couldn’t recall a thing that happened in bed, I was guilt-ridden. The women made us breakfast and when we were done, Mousey and I made our way to the door.
‘Don’t you want to hang out?’ the married woman asked.
‘We have to get to work,’ Mousey said.
‘On Sunday?’
‘We’re altar boys,’ I confessed, closing the door behind us.
I was sure Mousey would never speak to me again, but I had to ask.
‘Listen, Mousey, I know I was really wasted, but didn’t I go to bed with the single one?’
‘You sure did. But in the middle of the night, they switched.’
Then we walked in complete silence, all the way to church.
Believe it or not, I did not experience sober sex until I was 32 years old. I guess you can say that’s when I lost my virginity because it’s the first time I was really present. But sober or not, I could never resist an older hippy chick.”
Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck. By Sarah Vespermann
An occasional pop-up where we share the songs that make you want to bang. Got one? Send it to me at Dish@PrimeCrush.com.
Song Title
“#1 Crush”
Artist
Garbage
What about this song musically does it for you?
Where to start? The whole song is very sexual, from the moaning in the background, the hypnotic beat (which lends itself to hips moving in sync) to Shirley Manson’s deep, expressive voice. Then the lyrics. A wee bit dark and obsessive, but the raw sexuality pervades throughout.
Is there a memory you attach to this song?
I first heard this song in the ‘90s, watching Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet. I loved this modern reimagining of a 400-year-old story. The song absolutely compliments the movie.
Who/what are you thinking of when you listen to this song?
This song reminds me of a youthful desire that feels endless and impossible to satiate. Currently, it makes me want to be naked with my man.
Anything else...?
“#1 Crush” is kinda fitting for The Crush Letter, no?
Thank you to Crush Reader Sarah Barto Vespermann for sharing this totally spot-on song. I hope that we all feel like "getting naked" with our person upon listening to it! Sarah is a classically trained artist who has also worked as a set designer and art teacher. Follow her on insta @sarahbvespermann.
Lamentations on the Lost Art of Kissing. By Elisabeth C. Lamotte
One writer contemplates the potential for the perfect kiss, recalling her past and contemplating the future.
“I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.” Crash Davis, Bull Durham
A Catholic child of the suburbs, I was a virgin until my mid-twenties when I encountered a Manhattan-born and bred man educated by Catholic Jesuits, but with plenty of life experience on the city streets. Appearing suddenly before me at a party, I was intrigued by the look in his dark eyes, his dark, curly hair, five o’clock shadow, and a slow smile. During our first epic night together, we were kissing when he softly smiled and chuckled. “You know, Honey, you’re not drilling for oil”, was his gentle comment. I returned his smile, understanding how to correct the problem, and immediately did so. While other issues muddied the waters, our kisses could definitely last three days.
The other finest kisser I have ever enjoyed was yet again, NYC born and bred. Our beginning was a similar scenario; a totally unexpected meeting at a party. Hazel eyes instead of brown, but another head of dark curly hair with a five o’clock shadow and a smile I wanted to see again. When we said goodbye at the party that night and he leaned down for a soft, close-mouthed kiss on the lips, I knew it would not be our last. Our first French kiss was preceded by him gradually finding my hand across the restaurant table and slowly stroking my pinky finger with his. After softly caressing all the fingers of my right hand, his mouth found mine. Suddenly, he was standing beside my chair and I rose to embrace him while we kissed in the middle of the restaurant. I could have cared less who was watching because his kisses made everyone and everything else disappear.
Each of these relationships ended badly but somehow wound up with a reprise several years later. While each second go-round was also a failure, the kisses and caresses remained exquisitely memorable. That part we always got right.
But, today is a different story. Lately, everyone I’ve kissed seems to think it is titillating to swallow a woman’s mouth in a gaping, too-wet hole. A French phrase comes to mind; “Ce n’est pas la mer a boire” - “It’s not as if you have to drink the sea”. But then, some kisses are as dry as the Sahara and, fortunately under those circumstances, brief in duration. Then, there is the propeller tongue, whipping around the inside of my mouth in a circle until I am almost dizzy, and not dizzy in a good way. Yes, there are some who use my virgin technique of “drilling for oil” and some do not take polite requests for correction gracefully.
Several years ago, I started to date a man from Spain who had a terrific apartment on Central Park West just north of Lincoln Center. After coming back to his apartment, we started to kiss on the sofa when I suddenly felt as though a corkscrew was making its way down my throat. As I stopped to gently suggest that he was not “drilling for oil”, the Spaniard became enraged and threw me out of the apartment. You’d think I had insulted the honor of his entire family tree…
But, not all are as easily offended. A genial young physician I recently met kissed with a mouth too wide and a tongue too fast. As he was still a bit raw from the ending of his last relationship, I wanted to tread carefully. Fortunately, he took my gentle requests gracefully. Smiling at me, he nodded and our evening suddenly improved. So, perhaps there is hope.
And, perhaps, I should date more medical doctors. Or, try again with NYC natives?
DEVOUR {things to do, read, see & have}
Watch. Sex and Love Around the World (2018). CNN journalist Christine Amanpour's 6-episode documentary on how love and sex are perceived and practiced in Berlin, Tokyo, Accra, Shanghai, Dehli, and Beirut. Eye-opening and provocative and Amanpour ask HARD questions. Presently streaming on several platforms, including HBO Max and Amazon Prime. It’s difficult to choose a favorite episode, but if it’s the bondage you fancy, check out Berlin! Watch here.
Watch. The Queen’s Gambit (Netflix 2020) 7 episode miniseries. If for some reason you missed this heady dramatization of Walter Tevis’ 1983 novel about fictional teenage chess protege Beth Harmon when it debuted last year, hunker down as the days grow shorter and tune in. Actress Anya Taylor-Joy made chess so sexy that Goliath Games reported the late 2020 release of the show led to a 1,048% increase in chess sales over 2019. Raised in a Christian orphanage where she discovers her talent for the game (along with her taste for tranquilizers) Harmon grows into a brilliant, young woman struggling with her addictions in the male-dominated world of the 1950/60s chess circuit. Roger Ebert calls it “a triumph”. Watch here.
Watch. Together (U.S. premiere August 27, 2021). Ever wonder what all the other couples were doing during lock-down? This made-for-U.K. television film peers into the London home of one couple’s stressed marriage over 15 months of pandemic life. The ten-day production schedule shot in a single location gives this dark comedy a stage play feel. Released in U.S. theatres in August, it’s well-written by Dennis Kelly, directed by Stephen Daldry (The Hours and Billy Elliot), and stars James McAvoy and Sharon Horgan as the couple, with Samuel Logan as their young son. Britain’s The Guardian calls it “an absolute wonder”, and The Wall Street Journal echoes, “Together succeeds on several counts -- the fluency of the language, the topicality of the premise, and the energy brought to it by the writer and director.” "Savagely funny" and "completely devastating", is a grave subject matter to which we can all relate. Watch here. Here is an interview with the cast as well.
Watch. Pasta Grannies (YouTube). Nothing says “amore” like Italy and pasta, and this is the real deal. The YouTube phenomenon was created by its host, Vicky Bennison, who travels throughout Italy (and surrounding islands) to document women who still practice the tradition of making pasta by hand. Bennison narrates in English but the guests speak Italian (there are English subtitles). Great opportunity to see the different regions of Italy and hear the different dialects. Authentic, handed-down recipes from women with fabulous names like Giggina,
Enrichetta, Pina, Grazia, and Concettina! Also recipes for some non-pasta dishes as well as the occasional dessert. With a new video every week, you can subscribe here and never miss an episode. If you’re ambitious enough to handcraft your own pasta, pick up Pasta Grannies: The Official Cookbook, released in October 2019. In the meantime, take a peek at 86-year-old Antonia making bucatini with sardines here. 91-year-old Maria making lasagne here, and 101-year-old Concettina making raschiatelli (aka “fusilli”). Be sure to listen carefully to the story of her husband’s “leg” here.
Listen. Playing On Air Podcast. Love theater? Love radio? Then you’ll love these brilliantly crafted plays written for public radio. Well-known playwrights and screenwriters have their work performed by some of the most respected actors of our day. Founded in 2021 by producing artistic director Claudia Catania to “share the quality theater with the public”, Catania arouses our imagination with the lost art of listening. One of our favorite episodes is “Banshee” written by John Patrick Shanley (winner of the 1988 Best Original Screenplay Oscar for the film Moonstruck), with a cast of Geraldine Hughes and Aiden Quinn. Listen here
Listen. Where Should We Begin? Podcast. Step inside relationship and sex expert Esther Perel’s office and listen in on a session between Perel and an anonymous couple as she counsels them on various issues. Perel interstitches live session recordings with her re-cap and assessment. The New York Times writes: "it feels more like an unraveling mystery story than a relationship advice show." In this episode, a long-time married couple who have been exploring consensual non-monogamy comes into a crisis when the woman falls in love with another woman. Perel delves deep into the couple’s past to allow them to understand how they relate to each other in the present. Says Perel, “The power of the relationship was less about the autonomy and more about somebody who, for the first time, you felt you can let go in their arms and they’ll keep you from falling. And when you have that experience for the first time, it’s irresistible.” Listen here. Other favorites:
Season 1, Episode 6 “There’s You There’s Me and There’s Us”
Season 3, Episode 6 “Happily Divorced”
Season 4, episode 6 “When I’m Manic I Cheat”
Listen. George Harrison’s All Things Must Pass (50th Anniversary edition re-released August 6th). Considered Harrison’s “masterpiece”, the triple album was originally released in October 1970 as the musician’s first solo flight after the disbanding of The Beatles earlier that year. Digitally enhanced and lovingly constructed by Harrison’s son, Dhani, the collection now includes multiple outtakes and jams not found on the original. Listen here
Listen. Champian Fulton Trio I’ll See You In My Dreams (released August 25th). This LP marks the 13th release from this young jazz pianist/vocalist. With trumpeter Stephen Fulton as her dad, Champian grew up around jazz greats such as Clark Terry and other fine artists of the day, and their influences are evident in Champian’s vocal phrasing and instrumental style. Featuring Hans Backenroth on bass and Kristian Leth on drums, this record was recorded over two days in Denmark when Fulton learned the pandemic had canceled her Scandinavian tour. Lucky for us! Listen here
Read. The Reading List (Published June 8, 2021). Described as “a love letter to some of our most cherished novels,” Sara Nisha Adams debut work examines loneliness, despair, and hope. Following the death of his wife, a West London man has difficulty resuming life. As he sits alone watching nature documentaries, his granddaughter, Priya, secludes in her room, reading. In an attempt to connect with her, he visits the local library to get her some books and meets a young library employee who discovers a list of novels in the back of To Kill A Mockingbird. When she shares the list with the gentlemen, they find a connection with each other, their home life, and their community. Read here
Follow. - Amy Sedaris on Instagram. Just for a giggle! Each morning, actress/writer/comedian Amy Sedaris posts something unique, hilarious, or stunning. It’s a genuine feel-good moment.
Watch. The Movie That Humorously Dissects the End of A Quintessentially NYC Marriage: before/during/after. A middle-aged theater actress discovers that her under-employed husband has been having an affair. Witty, humorous, and very, very real, I approached this movie with some reservations. The friend who told me about it actually texted me as she started it, saying "I don't know why I'm watching this, but you may be interested" and I quickly started it, and then by the end, she sent me a text saying she "loved, loved, loved it." I did too. There is an entertaining series of therapist-caricatures that the main character interviews that add smart levity. It is very much like a smart update to the 1978 movie An Unmarried Woman starring Jill Clayburgh, with the same themes of heartbreak, betrayal, resilience, and transformation, all with a great deal of New York humor. (Hat tip to kt.) Trailer here.
Watch. On the Verge: Four Midlife Women Living & Friending in L.A. On the Verge, the confection of French actress Julie Delpy, loosely depicts the lives of four female friends of a certain age living in L.A. Its stars are a recognizable list of talented actresses: Delpy as a French-American chef/restauranteur, Elisabeth Shue as a clothing designer, Sarah Jones as an anxious empty nester, and Alexia Landeau as an unemployed flake. Is there a word for female friendship comedy? A “sistermance”? A “femme-com”? That’s what this is. It is a glance at the lives of four women dealing with the barrage of midlife shit we all face; serious topics are taken up (empty marriages, empty nests, empty bank accounts, etc., etc.) but all with a touch of a pastry chef who folds in a sense of humor. It is a series of easy (if not often ridiculous) 30-minute bite-sized episodes, and despite a "really?" muttered here and there, I have found myself partaking in one a night as a way to brush off the day. (Netflix) Trailer here.
Song of the Week.
Crush by Garbage. Thanks to Crush Reader Sarah Vespermann for submitting her F*ck Song. #1 Crush" was written and recorded between March 1994 and May 1995 during sessions between band members Duke Erikson, Shirley Manson, Steve Marker, and Butch Vig in either Marker's basement studio or at their own Smart Studios in Madison, NY. The song, #1 Crush is about somebody who wasn't quite right. Everybody's felt obsessive about something or somebody in their life, felt crazy about somebody before. That feeling - usually when you've split up with somebody - when you're absolutely obsessed with what they are doing. It's all to do with being pathetic.
Hope you CRUSH the weekend like Garbage does (or in your own way). Please, please, please forward The Crush Letter to friends! Thank you.
XO,
Dish
The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is Dish's weekly newsletter on everything love & connection in midlife - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?
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