The Crush Letter No 54

. 8 min read

I'm Dish and I write a weekly newsletter about friendship, love and sex in midlife. Because midlife is so much hotter than they said it would be. Hell yes, sign me up for the Dish.

Hello Crush,

Good Morning Crush Readers. Thanks for being here with me today, on the verge of Spring. We have a lot of fun things today, so let's get right to it.

And if ever there's anything you particularly love and want more of, or want me to try I love hearing from you at

If you're new here (welcome!), I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies. For more about me and why we're here go here.

In This Letter. +SIGHS & moans: How To Stop Worrying About What Your Fantasies “Mean” and Start Loving Your Sexual Imagination. By Ralph Greco Both men and women, for instance, worry about what are called “power fantasies.” +A Circle of Crones. By Elayne Clift wise women of a certain age in the third stage of our lives which we live with grace, spirited intelligence, humor, and a sense of belonging in this world. +An Actual Recent First Date Set-Up (By Text, Of Course). By Lisa Ellex I love vegans +PrimeCrush & Chill: Movies Worth A Re-Watch. By Dish Stanley There are many memorable scenes in this movie involving the ensemble of eccentric underground characters playing brilliantly off each other, but Grier in the title role is the reason to watch. +Amplify! Sex With Emily Podcast: Meditation Is a Lubrication, With Light Watkins. Overreacting is the death of a relationship—a series of overreactions. Because what you’re doing is making people not feel seen or heard. +Our Song of the Week No more war, no more war, no more war

SIGHS & moans: How To Stop Worrying About What Your Fantasies “Mean” and Start Loving Your Sexual Imagination. By Ralph Greco

A new column on love, sex and kink in relationships from the host of the podcast Licking Non-Vanilla, who has spent a lot of time contemplating all of it in his sixty years of being alive.

Even though lots of folks won’t admit to masturbating, we know a lot of people do. It’s healthy. It’s fun. It’s a great way to spend a few minutes not watching another round of Seinfeld reruns.

It’s the same with our sexual fantasies.

We are all pretty much having them, they’re healthy and a great distraction from real life. As we wrote about in The Crush Letter No 8 “The Power of the Erotic Imagination,” the renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel calls fantasies the “essence of creativity and vitality, and a necessity for feeling truly alive.”

At any rate, you won’t be able to stop your sexual fantasies from coming, so don’t even try. Nor should you. They are normal mind-movie candy all adults enjoy, to a greater or lesser extent, close or far away from one’s real life, sparking high to the front of one’s brain, or slowly idling on one’s kinky back burner, depending on a great many factors.

As you well know, we don’t only fantasize about sex, we imagine possible future work scenarios, or revise past ones. But our sexual fantasies, involving our libido and brain, are some of the more powerful and prevalent fantasies we have.

But what do fantasies mean (if anything at all) and should we worry about it if the ungovernable stories in our heads don’t reflect the values we hold in “real” life?

Lots of SIGHING & m o a n i n g here.

What Our Fantasies Mean

Who can say what’s going on in that weird little organ you call a brain? The human mind is ever exploratory, creative, sparking. Good, dirty imagining is what is happening when you fantasize. Maybe your fantasies are telling you about a sexual experience you may want to try. But not necessarily. It’s just as true that we fantasize about things we would never, ever want to be or have happen in real life. Like being a prostitute or a pimp, or f*cking a UPS delivery man or a construction worker, or donning a French maid’s uniform, to name just a few common ones. Just because you fantasize about it, doesn’t mean you really want to do it or be it or try it.

Continue Reading Here.

A Circle of Crones. By Elayne Clift

Five women in their third stage of life meet regularly to celebrate their connection and “talk, laugh, eat, walk, explore, share and support each other”. One writer recalls their journey through the years.

There are among us one uterus, three ovaries, multiple husbands, numerous children, several grandchildren, and six interesting careers. Two of us are cancer survivors. Another has a chronic disease. One has been widowed. We know better than most that Bette Davis was right: Old age is no place for sissies.

That is why we proudly call ourselves Crones: wise women of a certain age in the third stage of our lives which we live with grace, spirited intelligence, humor, and a sense of belonging in this world. We are no longer what Simone de Beauvoir called “the Other” nor do we suffer Betty Friedan’s “problem that has no name.” We understand the gifts that have been granted to us, and we cherish the centrality of connection to each other, and to the larger world, as we travel our life journeys.

This year we will celebrate 30 years of Croning together.

Continue Reading Here.

An Actual Recent First Date Set-Up (By Text, Of Course). By Lisa Ellex

PrimeCrush & Chill: Movies Worth A Re-Watch. By Dish Stanley

In this periodic column, we hook back up with our favorite exes--as in classic movies worth a re-watch.

Jackie Brown (1997).

Starring: Pam Grier, Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Forster, Bridget Fonda, Michael Keaton, Robert De Niro.

Basic Plot: In this crime drama adapted from a novel by the brilliant Elmore Leonard, Pam Grier plays a stewardess on a low-rent airline whose side hustle is working as a smuggler for Ordell Robbie, a gun runner out of L.A. played by Samuel L. Jackson. When $500,000 of Ordell's cash goes missing Max Cherry, a bail bondsman with a heart of gold enters the story, played by Robert Forster, as well as an ATF Agent played by Michael Keaton, a recently released criminal played by Robert De Niro and a mouthy surfer girlfriend played by a nonchalantly sexy Bridget Fonda.

Why Re-watch: This is a Quentin Tarantino that has all the hallmarks of his style: exceptional casting, outrageous characters, and dialogue-driven scenes with perfect timing, depth, and texture. The ensemble of eccentric underground characters--in which every character is in danger from someone--play brilliantly off each other, but Grier in the title role is the reason to watch. She is the most vulnerable of all of them, desperate and tired and yet luminous. Grier walks the line between tough and fragile exquisitely in what was her first lead role after having spent the 1970s famous for her tough girl prison/action films. Jackie Brown's relationship with the bail bondsman Max Cherry, who sees the gravity of her plight is subtle and deepening, mature and interesting. I would be remiss if I didn't mention how sublime Bridget Fonda is in her minor role as Ordell's high and horny, contemptuous girlfriend. I have watched Jackie Brown countless times since my late husband first introduced me to it, and each time I do I pick up more detail in the dialogue and scenes it becomes in some small way a new film each time.

Amplify! Sex With Emily Podcast: Meditation Is a Lubrication, With Light Watkins

This series highlights the best episodes from our favorite podcasts. One of them is Sex With Emily hosted by Sex Expert Dr. Emily Morse. Every one is worth a serious listen, but I have picked out the {11} invaluable episodes that CRUSH Readers who want to be good in bed really.can't.miss.

Episode Date: May 21, 2021 (59 Minutes)

Meditation’s benefits go beyond curbing anxiety. Meditation can help you react to negative consequences and adapt to them, making you more effective, resilient, and happier in the long run. Better yet, meditation’s advantages can help you find more sexual satisfaction, too.

Quieting the Mind and Firing Up the Desire
Dr. Emily talks to Light Watkins about meditation, happiness, and sex. He thinks that happiness is a muscle that needs exercise, and meditation is the best workout.
If you can change your relationship to your thoughts, you have power over your insecurities, stress, and whatever inhibits your sexual desire. Light talks about how to reverse-engineer gratitude so that challenges aren’t as daunting and so that you can live in a mostly permanent state of appreciation.

Best Lines:

10:34 Light, “Overreacting is the death of a relationship—a series of overreactions. Because what you’re doing is making people not feel seen or heard.”

Continue Reading Here.

Song Of The Week

Sade Why Can’t We Live Together

The selection this week from the incandescent Sade speaks for itself in this moment of anguish the world is enduring:

No more war no more war, no more war
Just a little peace
No more war, no more war
All we want is some peace in this world

Listen here

Here's to a weekend full of SIGHS & moans. Enjoy.

Dish Stanley XO,

The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter curated by Dish Stanley on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?

You Won't Want to Miss A Thing. Here Are Links to Some Favorites.

+Hook Ups: Meet Kiva Schuler, CEO & Co-Founder of The Jai Institute for Parenting

+Willin’: Rich Guy. By Ida Clare

+Sexual Healing: Getting to the Root (Chakra) of Things. By Liza Lentini

+Great Escapes. Already Streamed All the Obvious Series? Here Are 10 Excellent Gems to Watch. By Dish Stanley

+Dear Dish

+PrimeCrush & Chill: Movies Worth A Re-Watch

+“This is a Tale of Modern Love…” By Elayne Clift

+Her Dinner With Andre. By Lisa Ellex


'Merci'! to Emily in Paris for one of the most riverting women in pop culture "Divorce, Baby, Divorce" by Liza Lentini "Don't Touch My Hat.*" Midlife Men & Loneliness "This is a Tale of Modern Love ..." 2022 2024 Hit List 3 things I'm crushing on 5 Books to Help You Chill TF Out 5 Great Boutique Hotels Around NYC. By Jeanne Bosse 5 things that turn our crush readers on A Book That Could Unf*ck Your Relationship: I Want This To Work By Elizabeth Earnshaw. Reviewed By Angela Kempf. A Circle of Crones. By Elayne Clift A Roman Love Affair. By Lady Verity A Turntable and a Candle: F-ing Classics About Face: Skincare Essentials for Men An Upbeat Playlist for the Divorce-curious And I Wondered ... Do We Really Need A SATC Reboot? And Just Like That... Who Are These People?? By Jeanne Bosse And so this is Another brother gained and lost. By Jeanne Bosse Ask Dish Bedtime Rituals for Couples. By Lauren D. Weinstein Bisexually Anxious Among the Noodges. 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By Dean Christopher Hook Ups Hot Thots How to Be the Most Charming Person at a Holiday Party. By Evie Arnaude How to find porn thats actually good I am my own family I just turned 60 but I feel 22 I redesigned my closet. I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies Im glad my mom died In Good Hands. Kathy: This Is A Love Story About Three Friends La Mia Famiglia by Lisa Ellex Lamentations on the Lost Art of Kissing. By Elisabeth C. Lamotte Leave the husband, bring the cannoli. By A.K.A. Darla Let's Reconsider, with Adam Grant Love & Mike's "Bad Girl Pasta" Love/Sex/Moon Magick By Lynn Eaton LXIX. By A.K.A. Darla Meeting Across the River Melissa Biggs Bradley's New Book Safari Style Makes Me Want To Go On A Safari midlife MIDLIFE CRISIS: When Reality Strikes, By Dean Christopher Movie Magic. By Amy Ferris My First Solo Trip: Mexico, Part I. By Dawn Larsen My Prostate Journey: A Personal Story My Tits Contain MulTITudes Naked & Not afraid by KC Roth Oasis in the Desert. 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