The Crush Letter No. 67

. 8 min read

I'm Dish and I write a weekly newsletter about friendship, love and sex in midlife.  Because midlife is so much hotter than they said it would be.  Hell yes, sign me up for the Dish.

Hello Crush,

I saw this in Joanna Goddard's @cupofjo instagram feed this week and I thought "this is a great approach I wish would catch fire."

For my obit it would read " ... please take your loud cell phone conversation out of the room (restaurant, grocery line, doctor's office, etc) where everyone else is forced to overhear it." What would yours be? I'd love to hear it at Dish@PrimeCrush.com. Subject line: "In lieu of flowers".

Our Quiver story this week is quite special. I hope you enjoy it. Quiver is our series by Lisa Ellex where she interviews people today about looking back on their sexual debuts. We'd love to feature your story (anonymously if you prefer). Write to Lisa at lisaellex@gmail.com.


If you're new here (welcome!), I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies. For more about me and why we're here go here.


In This Letter.  +Quiver. Sexual Debut Stories By Lisa Ellex. "Just minutes before the midnight show was to start, in walked Bebe.”   +SIGHS & moans.  By Ralph Greco, Jr. is a third person in the bedroom the right choice for you and your partner?   +What My Smartest Friends Are Reading & Listening to Right Now. By Dish Stanley a periodic column where I’ll round up recommendations from my “first-mover friends” and share them with you.   +Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck. Submitted by Kate Porter.  It's sexy and raw.   +Song of the Week.  Summer breeze makes me feel fine


QUIVER. Sexual Debut Stories.  By Lisa Ellex

Who made YOU Quiver? PrimeCrush columnist Lisa Ellex wants to know. Just whisper it in her ear and your “first-time” story could be the inspiration for her next Quiver column. Anonymity a concern? She'll change your name, location, and any other piece of identifying info, just like they do in the witness protection program. Except you don't have to move. So if you want to Quiver with us, contact lisaellex@gmail.com

Sam

Sam is a professional musician in their late-twenties, living and working in a major U.S. city.

I spent four years of high school begrudgingly listening to my classmates' stories of hooking up; girls with boys, girls with girls, boys with boys, and various combinations of those pairings. Even as a teenager, I found these conversations to be shallow, as the act of sex was discussed, ad nauseam, with little mention of emotion or romance.

Though I did my best to be a part of the dialogue, my sexual inexperience left me with little to contribute to these conversations. When I finally confessed to my friends that I had never had a sexual encounter of any kind, they branded me a “virgin.”  I defensively explained that my rigorous academic schedule, extracurricular activities, 45-minute commute to school, and part-time job left no time for a relationship, casual or otherwise. The truth was, the teenage me was desperate for some kind of connectedness if only I could find where I fit in.

When it was time for college, I went away to a well-known school in a major city, still wearing the label of “virgin.”  My roommate was anything but. Her weekends were a revolving door of hook-ups, on and off-campus, and I found myself alone most of the time. Weekend after weekend, I suffered in solitude. Still, I found it impossible to get close to anyone.

Continue reading here.

SIGHS & moans  By Ralph Greco, Jr.

A regular column on love, sex, and kink in relationships from the host of the podcast Licking Non-Vanilla, who has spent a lot of time contemplating all of it in his sixty years of being alive. “This series started with “How To Stop Worrying About What Your Fantasies “Mean” and Start Loving Your Sexual Imagination”. Here it is, in case you’d like to start at the start.

Crowd or Company: Skirting The Mathematical Intricacies Of The Classic Ménage à Trois

In the 4th installment of his series, writer Ralph Greco helps you determine if inviting a third person into the bedroom is the right choice for you and your partner.

Sure, things seemed so easy for old Jack Tripper. Falling into a swinging ‘70s pad with two beautiful women; what could have been better? But the reality of trying to negotiate three people into even the most cursory of intimacies, attempting to slip another lover into your sexual activities with a spouse, or maybe introducing an occasional third into the sexcapades you have been newly maneuvering with that new friend/partner/lover you've found post your divorce, won't be easy. The old ménage à tickle presents mathematical intricacies and expectations you could never imagine.
Sure, everybody likes a little new spice thrown their sex life from time to time, but really, is the ménage à trois right for you and yours?

Address The Big Questions

Before you approach a third party, you best hold a few summit meetings with your partner. First and foremost, make sure s/he/they consents to the concept of a threesome. Then, belabor the point, approach all doubts, fears, and even hopes, have they any. But make sure your partner is into it.

Next, find out what you (hey, you brought it up, so sorry, but you have to go first) are looking to get out of the experience. And find out what your lover might hope for.

It's equally important to discuss limits, what you and your partner will—and will not do—with/around/to a third party. Sure, having another person in your bed theoretically makes you cock-of-the-walk (figuratively speaking here only), but how does s/he/they feel about another lover being there? And even if your partner likes (or allows) the whole idea, are there some firm limits of what your partner actively does and does not want, for themselves and for you?

Continue reading here.

What My Smartest Friends Are Doing Right Now:  Summer Reads. By Dish Stanley

Like me, you no doubt have friends who are “first movers” on everything from what they read to where they go. They are not trendy, but rather smart, discerning people who are informed, confident, grounded, and often in front of the pack in recognizing a truly good thing. This is a periodic column where I’ll round up recommendations from my “first-mover friends” and share them with you.

For the first column, I asked them to share what they’re reading and listening to this Summer.

Reading & Listening:

Biography/History

We Don’t Know Ourselves. A Personal History of Modern Ireland By Fontana O’Toole

“A wildly ambitious and entertaining account of sweeping change in modern Ireland.” (Thanks Jeff)

The Secret Heart By Suleika Dawson

“I got my hands on this just-released memoir about [British spy novelist] John le Carre written by the mistress he kept secret for over 40 years. Le Carre and his personal world show up in many forms in his thrillers, and I love a good back-story.” (Thanks Michele)

Lords of Finance: The Bankers Who Broke the World By Liaquat Ahamed

“This is a Pulitzer Prize winning story about the macroeconomic decisions (and personalities) of the dominant Central Bankers [in the US, England, France, and Germany] leading into the Great Depression. Had been on my “must-read” list forever, but boy is it timely.” (Thanks Jim)

Continue reading here.

Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck

Submitted by CRUSH Reader Kate Porter, the force behind Burning Desire Shop. Check out her store to purchase magical, custom candles, and read her Hook Ups interview from last fall here.

Closer by Nine Inch Nails

What about this song musically does it for you?

Everything. The lyrics, the beat, it’s just sexy and raw.

Is there a memory you attach to this song?

Reminds me of being young and free.

Who/what are you thinking of when you listen to this song?
Brad Pitt. (Just kidding.) No one in particular, but it is a great song to bang to.

An occasional pop-up where we share the songs that make the readers of The Crush Letter want to bang. Got one?  Send it to me at Dish@PrimeCrush.com.

Song of the Week

Summer Breeze By Seals and Crofts

PrimeCrush Reader and contributor Mike T alerted me this week (through his twitter feed) that Jim Seals of the popular 70's group Seals and Crofts died at age 80. Mike wrote:

"Mourning with the Yacht Rock community today. Summer Breeze, Hummingbird, We May Never Pass This Way Again. C'mon now. RIP."

Truly.

Summer Breeze By Seals and Crofts. Listen here

Hope you're feeling breezy and fine. Wonderful week end.

Dish Stanley XO,
Dish

You Won't Want to Miss A Thing. Here Are Links to Some Favorites.

+Songs That’ll Make You Wanna F*ck. A Compendium from the Readers of The Crush Letter. An occasional pop-up where we share the songs that make the readers of The Crush Letter want to bang. Got one?  Send it to me at Dish@PrimeCrush.com.

+SIGHS & moans.  By Ralph Greco A new column on love, sex, and kink in relationships from the host of the podcast Licking Non-Vanilla, who has spent a lot of time contemplating all of it in his sixty years of being alive. “This series started with “How To Stop Worrying About What Your Fantasies “Mean” and Start Loving Your Sexual Imagination”.

+QUIVER. Sexual Debut Stories. By Lisa Ellex Who made YOU Quiver? PrimeCrush columnist Lisa Ellex wants to know. Just whisper it in her ear and your “first-time” story could be the inspiration for her next Quiver column. Anonymity a concern? She'll change your name, location, and any other piece of identifying info, just like they do in the witness protection program. Except you don't have to move. So if you want to Quiver with us, contact lisaellex@gmail.com

+Tell Me More: Dish’s Personal & Practical Tips for Sext Mastery. By Dish Stanley Other articles in our sexting CRUSH Letter spell out the 101’s of sexting: establishing expectations, consent, checking in and agreeing on what can (and cannot be done) with your sexts after the fact. Here Dish reveals more about her personal style and shares some sext snippets and sensual words to inspire your own sexting.








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