The Crush Letter No 68

. 11 min read

I'm Dish and I write a weekly newsletter about friendship, love and sex in midlife.  Because midlife is so much hotter than they said it would be.  Hell yes, sign me up for the Dish.

Hello Crush,

Love is love.

Devastated, angry, sick to my stomach, scared about the aftermath. Insulted, dehumanized, disrespected, embarrassed. That's how I feel over the Supreme Court's ruling yesterday overturning Roe v. Wade. Even though we knew it was coming, I am a state of disbelief. And as if the holding in the ruling isn't horrifying enough, in his concurring opinion Justice Clarence Thomas argued that in light of this ruling the Court should reconsider contraceptive rights and gay marriage as well. WTF? (And the fact that this dropped in the last week of Pride Month feels extra cruel.) I can't believe this is happening in my country.

I am still processing all this, and can’t wait for the long July 4th weekend to have some space to de-stress over this. A breather to figure out the most effective way to dedicate my personal energy to reclaiming and securing our rights.

PrimeCrush will be taking Independence Week End off. (I hope you get extra days off, too.)

Getting back to our "regular programming" (if you're up for it, and if you're not, I understand), our next Letter, on Saturday, July 9th, will be The Crush Letter No 69. That got me thinking about the first person I ever tried a 69 sex position with. Peter was a hot, sweet lanky 6’4” (at least) and I was 5’7” then (5’6.5” now — yeah, shit, I’m getting shorter). Maybe it was the height differential, maybe it was just that we were awkward college freshmen inexperienced at sex, but somehow we couldn’t get the geometry to work for the 69.

Another lover much closer in height and later in life took a firm stance against the ‘69’ position. Way too much going on, he said. “How can I really fully intentionally give when I’m supposed to be really fully intentionally getting at the same time." Well-argued, I thought.

And it made me wonder. Who does the 69 position work for, and who does it decidedly not? So to celebrate our upcoming 69th Letter I’d like to know your feelings and experiences with the 69. Please, please, please share your brief thoughts (by all means anonymously) here.

Thanks so much for doing that. We’ll reshare your responses in the upcoming Crush Letter No 69. I think it could be fun.

This week we are closing out Pride month with a moving new piece from Jeanne Bosse, and have also pulled together some of your favorite past pieces with a Pride theme. Hope you enjoy checking them out.

Love is love, Crushes. Let's regroup, fight and carry on.

If you're new here (welcome!), I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies. For more about me and why we're here go here.

In This Letter.  +Another Brother Gained and Lost. By Jeanne Bossé He admired Diana and had a huge crush on Charles.   +Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck. By Christian Pan. Orville's voice is smooth and sexy like brand new leather.  +Extended Encounters. By Lisa Ellex  We were in the right place at the wrong time.  +5 Things That Turn Me On. A soft touch to my back or the very tippy-top of my ass.   +Amplify. Best Lines from the Double Dates Podcast Hosted By Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue. We didn’t want to get married because we were suddenly allowed to get married. We wanted to get married because we wanted to get married.   +PrimeCrush & Chill: Movies Worth A Re-Watch: Blue is the Warmest Color. By Daisy Foster Watch it because it will remind you of the importance of the transitions we all go through in life and love, having you reflect on your own past (or, perhaps, your own present and future).   +Song of the Week “Always someone marches brave / Here beneath my skin”

Another Brother Gained and Lost.  By Jeanne Bossé

In a heartwarming tribute to a dear friend lost to AIDS, one PrimeCrush writer reflects on the many gifts he gave her.

With three brothers and three sisters, I never felt the need for another sibling. In my twenties, that is exactly what I got.

Daniel Platten and I met working at a costume company supplying both professional and amateur theatres. His sometimes cranky exterior didn’t put me off as I saw the vulnerability underneath and loved his quirky sense of humor. Born to a young English mother and American/Puerto Rican father, he wound up in foster care after their breakup and his mother’s move to Australia. Years later, he finally felt some sense of belonging after meeting his mother’s family in England. Stunned by his sudden appearance, they soon gave him the acceptance he longed for.

Daniel always felt connected to his mother’s homeland and became a total Anglophile after finding his English family. From Danny Fuentes, he became Daniel Platten, taking his mother’s name. A Royal Family devotee, the wedding of Diana and Charles thrilled him, as he admired Diana and had a huge crush on Charles. Daniel’s favorite pair of bedroom slippers had enormous heads of Diana and Charles with crowns, sitting up in bed; one for each foot. When Daniel had a bad cold, he told me that it made him “feel better having Charles looking up my pajama leg”.

Daniel taught me the Royal wave; to just move the wrist gently. He was excited by the arrival of “Cats” on Broadway and insisted I was properly attired. Mesh gloves completed my ensemble of a vintage cocktail dress and a small hat with a little veil. (I was ahead of the Madonna “Evita” craze.) We treated ourselves to a cab and Daniel had us using the Royal wave at every stoplight to unsuspecting nearby cars, amused by their reactions.

Continue reading here.

Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck

Submitted by CRUSH Reader Christian Pan, the writer and force behind Christian Pan Erotica. You can subscribe to his newsletter, and get erotic stories (and more) in your inbox, here.

What about the song musically does it for you?

Orville's voice is smooth and sexy like brand new leather. He doesn't sing, but seduces, and his croons are rich and textured like the best of Roy Orbison and Elvis, only more mysterious and queer.  There's a vastness to the musical space of “Dead of Night”, and when I listen to it I feel like I'm driving through those vast open landscapes in the Southwest. The lyrics seem simple at first, but are filled with subtle but distinctive double-entendres. Altogether, the song and how Orville
sings it is utterly sensual and sexy, like your lover whispering directly into your ear while you try to keep your eyes on the road behind the wheel of your car while speeding through the darkness sometime before midnight.

Continue reading here.

Extended Encounters. By Lisa Ellex

“Emma and Eve.”

Her one-night stand lasted a three-decades-long story – but we want to hear YOURS. In her column, Extended Encounters, Lisa Ellex talks to couples who have been together for upwards of thirty years. If you and your partner are among the fortunate few whose relationship has been witness to seven presidential elections, 19 wars, a global pandemic, and Keith Richards falling out of a coconut tree then Lisa would love to hear from you

In her series exploring the magic in long-term relationships, Lisa Ellex speaks to Emma, a retired school administrator, and Eve, a retired police dispatcher–and the 57-year- a relationship they fought for.

Of all the couples I know, Emma and Eve have been together the longest. After having to remain silent for decades, they now speak openly. Their tale is one of bravery, love, and commitment. When I asked how they met, Emma answered quickly.

“We were in the right place at the wrong time.”

That “right place” was a beach at the Jersey Shore. The “wrong time” was 1963.

Eve elaborates. “We were both young brides living on opposite ends of New Jersey. It was a common thing for women and their kids to spend summers in a beach rental and their husbands would visit on weekends. Our husbands just happened to rent houses for us in the same town.”

Emma recalls the morning they met.

Continue reading here.

5 Things That Turn Me On.

R. Edas

In this recurring column, we share five things that light our fire. I’d love to hear from you! (Yes, you!) If you’d like us to send you a template to fill out, it’s really easy and fun, please email me at (PS you can publish under your alias.)

Is this your real name: No.

Occupation: Writer/musician.

Current relationship status: In a committed relationship.

Which generation are you in: Generation X, born in 1961.

5 Things That Turn Me On:

To Get Me Going: A soft touch to my back or the very tippy-top of my ass.

A quick, slightly open mouth kiss, that lights across my lips as quickly as it retreats.

Continue reading here.

Amplify. Best Lines from the Double Dates Podcast Hosted By Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue

Neil Patrick Harris & David Burtka. Episode Date March 22, 2021

“In a weird way, we keep falling in love with each other in different ways over and over. And I think that keeps our sex life alive.” Neil Patrick Harris, about his husband of 7+ years David Burtka

Being gay and under the scrutiny of fame isn’t easy. Neil and David have been together since before gay marriage was legal, yet at their core, they’re just two devoted dads who wish they had more energy for sex.

Who They Are.

Neil Patrick Harris: Actor and comedian from Doogie Howser, How I Met Your Mother, American Horror Story, and more.

David Burtka: Actor you’ve seen on How I Met Your Mother and on Broadway.

Married for: 7 years; together for 14.

How they met: Neil saw a mutual friend walking down the street with someone handsome, found out the handsome someone was gay, and the rest is history.

Best lines:
6:10 Neil, “We didn’t want to get married because it was suddenly allowed to get married. We wanted to get married because we wanted to get married.”

Continue reading here.

PrimeCrush & Chill: Movies Worth A Re-Watch.  By Dish Stanley

Blue is the Warmest Color (2013)

Starring: Adèle Exarchopoulos, Léa Seydoux

Basic Plot: Fifteen-year-old Adèle (Exarchopoulos) meets the slightly older aspiring artist Emma (Seydoux) and the two fall in love. The film takes place over a number of years, following Adèle’s relatable period of discovery, identity, and all the growing pains that come from getting to know yourself heading into adulthood.
Why Re-watch: When this film was released in 2013, it accepted a rating of NC-17, rather than cutting the steamy sex scenes. That’s far from the reason to watch or re-watch, though, when you do, keep in mind that Adèle Exarchopoulos was 18 when filming started, and her raw performance—and her chemistry with the extraordinary pre-James-Bond-love-interest Léa Seydoux—is likely one of the most touching and honest in modern movie history.

Continue reading here.

Song of the Week

Constant Craving by k.d. Iang

Constant Craving came out on lang’s 1992 solo album Ingenue. I was living in Washington DC finishing up my final year at Georgetown Law and had spent the previous summer in a full-throttled, very erotic “summer fling.” That had ended abruptly with the end of summer, thank god, as it should have. Still, it was painful and I was bored at law school and soooo ready for it to be over with. In the throes of longing, this song made its mark.

It was Constant Craving that won lang a Grammy, and this video that got her the MTV Video Music Award. Like this video, everything about about k.d. Iang is original, and I love her for it.

Also. The memory of that lover is etched forever in this song for me. Robert, wherever you are, I hope you’re well.

Constant Craving by k.d. Iang. Listen here

What I’m craving right now? For you, dear Crush Reader, to tell us your thoughts on the 69. I want it badly.

Dish Stanley XO,

You Won't Want to Miss A Thing. Here Are Links to Some Favorites.

+QUIVER. Sexual Debut Stories. By Lisa Ellex Who made YOU Quiver? PrimeCrush columnist Lisa Ellex wants to know. Just whisper it in her ear and your “first-time” story could be the inspiration for her next Quiver column. Anonymity a concern? She'll change your name, location, and any other piece of identifying info, just like they do in the witness protection program. Except you don't have to move. So if you want to Quiver with us, contact

+SIGHS & moans. By Ralph Greco A new column on love, sex, and kink in relationships from the host of the podcast Licking Non-Vanilla, who has spent a lot of time contemplating all of it in his sixty years of being alive. “This series started with “How To Stop Worrying About What Your Fantasies “Mean” and Start Loving Your Sexual Imagination”. That’s below (in case you want to start at the start of the series).

+Songs That’ll Make You Wanna F*ck. A Compendium from the Readers of The Crush Letter. An occasional pop-up where we share the songs that make the readers of The Crush Letter want to bang. Got one?  Send it to me at

+What My Smart Friends Are Trying & Doing Right Now. By Dish Stanley Like me, you no doubt have friends who are “first movers” on everything from what they read to where they go. They are not trendy, but rather smart, discerning people who are informed, confident, grounded, and often in front of the pack in recognizing a truly good thing. This is a periodic column where I’ll occasionally round up recommendations from my “first-mover friends” and share them with you.


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By Dean Christopher Hook Ups Hot Thots How to Be the Most Charming Person at a Holiday Party. By Evie Arnaude How to find porn thats actually good I am my own family I just turned 60 but I feel 22 I redesigned my closet. I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies Im glad my mom died In Good Hands. Kathy: This Is A Love Story About Three Friends La Mia Famiglia by Lisa Ellex Lamentations on the Lost Art of Kissing. By Elisabeth C. Lamotte Leave the husband, bring the cannoli. By A.K.A. Darla Leaving the door open Let's Reconsider, with Adam Grant Love & Mike's "Bad Girl Pasta" Love/Sex/Moon Magick By Lynn Eaton LXIX. By A.K.A. Darla Meeting Across the River Melissa Biggs Bradley's New Book Safari Style Makes Me Want To Go On A Safari midlife MIDLIFE CRISIS: When Reality Strikes, By Dean Christopher Movie Magic. By Amy Ferris My First Solo Trip: Mexico, Part I. By Dawn Larsen My Prostate Journey: A Personal Story Naked & Not afraid by KC Roth Nice to Meet You. How Are You Crazy? 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