The Crush Letter No 73

. 9 min read

I'm Dish and I write a weekly newsletter about friendship, love and sex in midlife.  Because midlife is so much hotter than they said it would be.  Hell yes, sign me up for the Dish.

Hello Crush,

Happy Saturday.

Last week end I flew to Boston to see Elton John live for his Farewell Yellow Brick Road Tour. A close friend picked me up at Logan Airport and drove us out to Gillette Stadium, where we had to park over a mile away and hike across railroad tracks. Halfway through the concert it started to pour (nobody left), so we hiked out drenched, through the mud.

It was wonderful.

Going to a live concert of a favorite artist always feels exciting, but between the plane, the drive, the hike and the rain it felt like an adventure. The best kind of friend-trek adventure. This is a friend who really showed up for me while my late husband was dying (every fucking day of the 30+ days (and nights) he was in the ICU – she came with pillows, eye drops, my favorite latte – never asking me to tell her what I needed, just showing up with what she thought would help. "I'm in the waiting room with a pillow because you've been sleeping on that plastic chair. I'll leave it for you here - no need to come out.")

And beyond that, after his death her invitations kept coming. ("Join us for dinner." "Come over for pasta.") Six months later, to get me out, we flew to Salyulita, Mexico to try surfing for the first time. Since then we have covered many miles together emotionally and geographically (including the Moroccan Sahara, Zermatt, Amsterdam, Los Angeles).

During the concert Elton John shared moving memories from his storied career and played all his greatest hits - which the crowd knew every word to – including, of course, I'm Still Standing – "Don't you know I'm still standin' better than I ever did? Lookin' like a true survivor ... "

When you experience a tragedy (and we all have) there is nothing more important than knowing somebody has got you. It's a decade later for me, but I looked over at my friend Lisel, singing her heart out to Elton John in the pouring rain "like a candle in the wind" and I felt so grateful. It is not an overstatement to say that I am still standing because of her, and of course my other friends and family who got me through (and keep getting me through).

There are so many ways to say I love you. I've come to believe the most powerful one is "I'll be there."

Enjoy this week's Letter.

If you're new here (welcome!), I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies. For more about me and why we're here go here.

In This Letter.  +Extended Encounters  By Lisa Ellex When a man who identifies as a woman meets a cis-gendered woman who loves women, a thirty-year love story begins   +Maturity. Things I Wish I Said More Often Throughout My Life. By Dish Stanley “You were right about that.”    +Love/Sex/Moon Magick  Lynn Eaton I follow my instincts and there always seems to be a reason for the ingredients in my spells.    +5 Things That Turn Me On: PrimeCrush Reader Kate Porter  I love when someone touches my face while kissing me passionately.   +Our Song of the Week: Concert Report  You had the grace to hold yourself / While those around you crawled

Extended Encounters.  By Lisa Ellex

Her one-night stand lasted a three-decades-long story – but we want to hear
YOURS. In her column Extended Encounters, Lisa Ellex talks to couples who have been together for upwards of thirty years. If you and your partner are among the fortunate few whose relationship has been witness to seven presidential elections, 19 wars, a global pandemic, and Keith Richards falling out of a coconut tree then Lisa would love to hear from you

Robert and Bobbi and Kira

When a man who identifies as a woman meets a cis-gendered woman who loves women, a thirty-year love story begins.

On December 1, 1952, five-year-old Robert sat down at the kitchen table and read the front page of his father’s The New York Daily News.  The headline read, "Ex-GI Becomes Blonde Beauty,” reporting that the newly named “Christine Jorgensen” had become the recipient of the first "sex change" operation in the United States. What was more remarkable than the fact that this five-year-old boy had the ability to read was that he comprehended the piece and made a wish that, one day, he would follow in Jorgensen’s path. Early in 2022, at the age of 75, Robert’s wish came true when he completed a long and difficult journey that led to the gender affirmation surgery that made him “Bobbi.”

Despite the permissiveness of the ‘70s decade, Robert suppressed his female identity, married his college girlfriend, and started a family. With his talent as a cabinet maker, he supported his wife and two children. Though he was a strong and muscular man who easily handled the physical demands of his craft, he always felt lithe and feminine. When his children went off to college, Robert confessed to his wife that he was attracted to other women. She asked for a separation. When he added that he identified as a woman, she asked for a divorce.

Robert spent the next year as a single person, continuing his craft, supporting his children, and exploring his sexuality. He experimented with male lovers, but that only served to reinforce his preference for women. Late in 1992, Robert was called upon by Habitat for Humanity to help build and repair homes for displaced victims of the recent Nor’easter. It was there that he spotted Kira moving sheetrock.

BOBBI:  The moment I saw Kira, I froze dead in my tracks. I was convinced that right here, in the chaos of the storm’s aftermath, this magical mermaid had washed ashore to me.

Continue reading here

Social Media That Moved Me This Week. By Dish Stanley

I always learn something important about love from Lisa Ellex's Extended Encounters column, featuring stories about love that lasts. I had just read the latest (above) when I came across this poem from Jess Janz. The first line "I think about what all this love and loving has turned me into ..." grabbed me. Read more at JessJanz.

5 Things That Turn Me On: PrimeCrush Reader Kate Porter - Founder of Burning Desire Shop

Hello, Crush! What turns you on? I’m thrilled to share this recurring column where we share five things that light our fire. I’d love to hear from you! (Yes, you!) If you’d like us to send you a template to fill out, it’s really easy and fun, please email me at (PS you can publish under an alias.)

Submitted by CRUSH Reader Kate Porter, the force behind Burning Desire Shop. Check out her store to purchase magical, custom candles, and read her Hook Ups interview from last fall here.

Name: Kate Porter

Is this your real name: Yes

5 Things That Turn Me On:

Sexiest Song: Wicked Game Chris Isaak

Hottest Book: Anais Nin’s Delta of Venus. Currently reading and I am obsessed. First time read.

Movie: Basic Instinct. So sexy and I’ve watched it a minimum of 10 times. Too many good lines to chose just one.

Touch Me… I love when someone touches my face while kissing me passionately. It is so sexy.

Personality Traits: My favorite traits are chivalry, sense of humor, caring, kind, takes charge in the bedroom and in making plans, a good listener, someone who is smart with a good career. I also am a sucker for a nice smile/good teeth.

Product or Aid I Love: I am obsessed with Lelo Sila. 10 out of 10, highly recommend.

Love/Sex/Moon Magick.  Lynn Eaton

Kitchen Witchery

Can you conjure spells from items in your kitchen? Our resident Wiccan shows us how.

I’ve always considered myself a Kitchen Witch. Many of my spells and conjurings are crafted with everyday items from my kitchen: bay leaf, cinnamon, red pepper, salt, vodka. I follow my instincts and there always seems to be a reason for the ingredients in my spells.

One memorable example is from 1999. I had moved to the Maritime provinces of Canada and a good friend of mine in Illinois was diagnosed with brain tumors. She was given only weeks to live. Her daughter reached out to me for help. (DISCLAIMER!! I am NOT, nor do I profess to be, any type of health professional!!) Once I was assured that I had my friend’s permission to do a spell, I set to work.

I browsed through a few of my books: Positive Magic by Marion Weinstein, To Ride A Silver Broomstick by Silver Ravenwolf and Cunnigham’s Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs by Scott Cunningham. I took suggestions from each of them and added a variety of herbs to a vodka base. I started to simmer the brew on the propane stove, but there seemed to be something missing. My dad’s wife, my daughter and I set off for the Farmer’s Market. Lemon Balm. I had to find some fresh Lemon Balm. None of my resources had mentioned this herb, but I knew it had to go into my concoction. Near the back of the market, I found it.

Continue reading here

Song of the Week: Elton John Concert Report

Candle In the Wind by Elton John

Did I mention that it started raining down on the crowd at Gillette Stadium halfway through the concert, but nobody left? If you have a chance to see Elton John on his Final Tour - Farewell Yellow Brick Road don't miss it. He opened with Benny and the Jets, and the greatest hits just kept coming.

Here's the set list:

As is Elton John and the rest of the world, I find Marily Monroe's story an abiding intrigue. (Have you watched documentary released this winter The Mystery of Marilyn Monroe: The Unheard Tapes? She's a whole other discussion though.) Candle in the Wind was a highlight for me. As you looked around the stadium, many "candles" were lit.

But the thrill was being there with so many other people thrilled to be there, everyone on their feet singing along to every song. And Elton giving it his all, one last time.

Let's all "I'll be there" for someone this week end.

Dish Stanley XO,

If you love me as much as I love you (and I really do love you!), then please help me grow by forwarding this {love} Letter to a friend!  And I'd love to have you join us on instagram, facebook & twitter.

You Won't Want to Miss A Thing. Here Are Links to Some Favorites.

+Fun-In-The-Sun Skincare Tips. By Lauren D. Weinstein

+New Lovers, New Cars. By A.K.A. Darla

+PrimeCrush & Chill: Movies Worth A Re-Watch


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