The Crush Letter No 77: Long Weekend

. 20 min read

I'm Dish and I write a weekly newsletter about friendship, love and sex in midlife.  Because midlife is a lot more fun than they said it would be.  Hell yes, sign me up for the Dish.

Hello Crush,

Hope you’re doing something special for the long weekend, Crush.

Next week we’re talking about Good Porn. What makes porn good? What are some good porn sites? We even have a story about something we’re calling immersive porn. Yep, we made that up.

To get you revved up we're sharing all your stories from our Five Things That Turn Me On series. Thanks CRUSH Readers, they're fab.

Before that, though, we have a couple of upcoming stories I wanted to ask for your input on. We're researching the AUDIO EROTICA sites that have emerged in the last year or so – quinn, Literotica, Dipsea, etc. – have you tried them? I need your input on what you liked (or not) for that story.

For a late fall story on spending a romantic weekend in New York City, we're researching upscale, steamy, romantic nightclubs, lounges & cabarets – The Box NYC, the Slipper Room, Cafe Carlyle, etc. We're looking for sexy spots (not necessarily sex or kink clubs). Got any suggestions for CRUSH Readers?

Send me a note with your audio erotica or romantic NYC spots at Dish@PrimeCrush.com, or if you prefer to be anonymous, you can use one of the polls here:

Have You Tried Any of the Audio Erotic Sites? We love listening to porn and know about Dipsea, Quinn, Literotics and we are sure that there’s a lot more out there.

We are looking for sexy, romantic spots (not necessarily sex or kink clubs). Got any suggestions for CRUSH Readers?

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!


If you're new here (welcome!), I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies. For more about me and why we're here go here.


In This Letter.  +‘5 Things’ That Turn Crush Readers On  "A quick-witted confident man who can cry in front of you & many more." We've pulled together all of CRUSH Readers' Turn Ons for you this week.   + Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck The lyrics and Vanessa’s voice - just ‘hits the spot’!   +Our Song of the Week When you need to be loved like you need to be loved


‘5 Things’ That Turn Crush Readers On.

What turns you on?  We'd love to hear from you! (Yes, you!) If you’d like us to send you a template to fill out, it’s really easy and fun, please email me at dish@primecrush.com. You must be a CRUSH Reader! (PS you can publish under your alias.)

5 Things That Turn Me on: Liza Lentini

Is this your real name: Yes.

Occupation: Writer & Editor.

Current relationship status: In a committed relationship.

Which generation are you in: Proud Gen Xer.

Follow you on: insta @thiswickedawesomelife


5 Things That Turn Me On

La Vie En Rose” by Grace Jones: I never make a feel-good playlist of any kind without this song on it. Grace Jones is one of the hottest women who fell to earth, and she took one of the most beautiful songs of all time to the stratosphere and back. The result is a tour de force as only Grace Jones can do it. Like her, it’s stunning and powerful and steaming hot.

Being nice to my dog: My dog and I come as a pair. There are no negotiations on this one. Besides, dog people are the best people. Am I right?

9½ Weeks (film): The book and the film are both incredible, but the film decided to soften Elizabeth McNeill’s original story, as films tend to, so I think of it as its own entity. With that, Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger have never been more beautiful. The film is careful to focus on love—with some very light BDSM on the side—there’s some heartbreak, but no major damage done. NYC in the 1980s makes for a perfectly sexy backdrop.

On your knees, Baby!: Um, I’m talking about housecleaning…what did you think? I am obsessed with keeping things clean and organized, and as I’m usually the one who takes initiative with this, it’s white hot when someone else—that I haven’t paid—does it for me. And I’m not talking about a tiny little counter wipe, I mean…scrubbing floors. (Yes, on your knees.) YUM.

Breakfast in bed: Typically, breakfast in bed is served when I’m on vacation…and truly, what’s sexier than a vacation? I admit I order more food than I can eat, and lots of things I wouldn’t ordinarily have for breakfast. It feels so indulgent. It is so indulgent. It just occurred to me as I’m writing this that I haven’t had breakfast in bed for far too long…must remedy that immediately.

5 Things That Turn Me On: Bob Guccione, Jr

Is this your real name: Yes.

Occupation: Founder and Editor of WONDERLUST wonderlusttravel.com and also founded SPIN and other magazines.

Current relationship status: In a committed relationship.

Which generation are you in: Boomer, Baby!

Follow me on: www.wonderlusttravel.com


5 Things That Turn Me On

Paris: Not my favorite city by a long shot, but in its own league as sexy. It’s palpably sensual --- including being a sometimes not-so-hot mess. If a city could smell of sex, Paris does. And it is elegant and profane, effortlessly, like the best, most memorable sex.

Not words, sounds: Moans of delight and surprise, of course, or the excited rise in a voice when two people connect on something as mundane as eating a hot dog on the street together or seeing the beauty or absurdity of something at the same time. And there’s nothing more exciting than the silence between a couple just perfectly and wordlessly and ephemerally in harmony.

Kiss Me…: Everywhere. Don’t stop. Ever.

Touch Me…: Real sex is XXX --- from the most passionate, physical ravaging of each others’ bodies, to fucking someone in an elevator, to the most-gentle lovemaking. Because sex is about absorption and melding and excitement and desire and covetousness. It’s nice to have your neck stroked, but the real action is in the middle of the body.

Humor: Humor is the sexiest, and most intimate, connection between lovers that isn’t physical. Often it’s sexier, and more intimate. Humor brings down barriers and encourages the weightless surrender that is trust, the oxygen of love and sex. Intelligence is unspeakably thrilling. Confidence is sexy. Caring and kindness turn me on, caring for others and being cared for, mattering to the one I love and lust for. And vulnerability --- not because I want to exploit that person, but because I want to honor and celebrate their openness and trust.

5 Things That Turn Me On: Dish Stanley

1. Almost anything read aloud just for me. Hearing stories read aloud just for me turns me on. James Salter’s A Sport and a Pastime probably represents the peak, but the humorous love story About Alice by Calvin Trillin, many of the Eve Babitz stories, E.E. Cummings poems and even a really awkward cringe-inducing question-story published in the Boston Globe’s Love Letters column have all worked. (Well.) Want to turn me on? Read it to me, daddy-o.

2. Anyone cooking anything for me. My maternal grandfather had a restaurant in the small town where my parents grew up. On Sundays he cooked for the extended family, which included his brothers (he had nine) and their families, his four children and their kids (all 10 of us).  My grandfather was taciturn; he might say five words in a night. He literally fed us his love. And that's how I continue to feel when anyone cooks anything for me.

3. Getting a great compliment. “I’ve noticed that you’re a world-class encourager of others.” It's the best compliment I’ve ever received, and it made me feel much closer to the friend-who-became-a-lover who gave it.

4. My iroha+ TORI vibrator.  If you watched Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown “Tokyo (Season 2, Episode 7)”, then you know that Bourdain loved the mysteries (and fetishes) of Japan most of all. In Bourdain: Off the Cuff: Tokyo he begins in the red-light district of Shinjuku, then visits hostess bars, sex clubs and bondage artists. In Tokyo by myself after a bad breakup and feeling very Lost in Translation, I retraced many of Bourdain's steps, which resulted in finding the vibrator that turns me on the most. (And I’ve tried a lot.) I have three unopened boxes in my closet as back-up.

5. Watching Secretary, directed by Steven Shainberg. This superbly cast, quirky 2002 arthouse film about the surprising way a dominant-submissive relationship develops between a businessman (James Spader) and his assistant (Maggie Gyllenhaal) still delights. Best lines:

Mr. Grey: “We can’t do this 24 hours a day, seven days a week.”
Lee: “Why not?”
"Women my age who are 'unfuckwithable.'" Craig's 5 Things

5 Things That Turn Me On: Crush Reader Craig J

Is this your real name: Yep. First name, middle initial.

Occupation: Consumer goods marketing executive

Current relationship status Divorced Father/Single

Which generation are you in: Gen X, eating it up.


5 Things That Turn Me On

Barcelona. I’ve been around the world and for me, Barcelona has always stood out on the sexy scale. Some of the most beautiful people, the architecture, the culture, the food, the arts, the energy, the warmth.  Can’t be topped.

Janet Jackson’s That’s the Way Love Goes.  Besides the fact that Janet leaks of sexiness in the music video, (remember those?), it’s the rhythm. It’s a tweener for dancing but definitely gets me moving every time.

Touch Me … For me it’s less about location and more about subtlety and spontaneity. Those little reminders – like brushing up against me, grabbing my hand when we cross the street, even a playful tap on the ass.

Women My Age Who Are “Unfuckwithable.” Certainly intelligence, confidence and courage. I like “unfuckwithable” as a mantra. I feel more alive than at any earlier phase of my life, and what I see is that women my age do too. I’m still working out a theory on this, but it might have to do with the fact that we are becoming empty nesters, hitting a 50 milestone, looking up, focusing on what matters to us and accelerating our personal growth, both emotional and physical. That's all very sexy.

My HIZE Hoods. I’m into staying healthy and these HIZE Hoods are my latest peloton-accessory obsession. I get a peloton ride in at least 4x a week and I’ve pimped my ride with a racing seat, improved clip-in pedals and my favorite (simple) upgrade, my HIZE hoods. They make it feel like being on my road bike – more comfortable, less stress, more power, better posture. A great ride gives me a high, makes me feel like embracing life.

5 Things That Turn Me On: Jane Boon

Occupation: Engineer & Writer. Author of 2020's Edge Play, where 50 Shades of Grey meets The Big Short.

Current relationship status: Married.

Which generation are you in: Gen X.


5 Things That Turn Me On

“Criminal” by Fiona Apple: It’s got a jazzy sound, a throbbing rhythm, and Apple crooning about how she’s “been a bad, bad girl,” and discussing how “a girl can break a boy, just because she can.” The lyrics are dark and moody. They serve as a reminder of how intense love and lust can be, and how much power we give to the ones we love, and how much power they give us, in return.

Paris: I adore Paris. It’s not original, but the place just sizzles. I like the elegance of the city, the fact you can order a Kir Royale just about anywhere, and yet, there’s a dark underbelly full of intrigue. I enjoy the Pigalle, the traditional center of the city’s nightlife. From the Moulin Rouge to the seedy sex clubs, there’s an edge to the neighborhood that counterbalances the propriety and seriousness of Paris’ traditional cultural offerings.

Story of O by Pauline Réage: I remember first spotting the book in the “erotica” section of my local bookstore, along with various titles by “Anonymous.” In my teens, I was too timid to pick up a copy, but in my 20s, I indulged. The outrageousness of the fantasies presented in the novel stunned me, and I was intrigued that the author was a woman who’d written the book as a gift for a lover. The notions of sexual surrender and conquest resonated, and the novel left me eager to learn more.

{Note Bene to Crush Readers: we published a review of Story of O in The Crush Letter No 9 that you can read here.}

Men with really big brains!: I adore intelligence coupled with humor, but only when the humor is generous and not cutting. It’s a pleasure being around people who make me feel like I’m a brighter, faster, more fun and engaged version of myself.

Risky Business: The scene where Tom Cruise and Rebecca De Mornay are on the train in Risky Business is one of my favorites. They get in the car, and the music heightens the anticipation. It feels like an eternity, for them and for us, before the train car clears of enough passengers and the gorgeous pair can begin to get intimate. There’s even a moment where Tom Cruise escorts the drunk man who has been eyeing the couple off the train, and deposits him on a bench and carefully arranges the guy’s coat so he’ll be warm. And then when they finally have privacy, he first looks at his partner reverentially and then with hunger.

5 Things That Turn Me On: Kate Porter

Submitted by CRUSH Reader Kate Porter, the force behind Burning Desire Shop. Check out her store to purchase magical, custom candles, and read her Hook Ups interview from last fall here.

Name: Kate Porter

Is this your real name: Yes


5 Things That Turn Me On

Sexiest Song: Wicked Game Chris Isaak

Hottest Book: Anais Nin’s Delta of Venus. Currently reading and I am obsessed. First time read.

Movie: Basic Instinct. So sexy and I’ve watched it a minimum of 10 times. Too many good lines to choose just one.

Touch Me… I love when someone touches my face while kissing me passionately. It is so sexy.

Personality Traits: My favorite traits are chivalry, sense of humor, caring, kind, takes charge in the bedroom and in making plans, a good listener, someone who is smart with a good career. I also am a sucker for a nice smile/good teeth.

Bonus:
Product or Aid I Love: I am obsessed with Lelo Sila. 10 out of 10, highly recommend.

5 Things That Turn Me On: Cynthia Besteman

Name: Cynthia Besteman, the force behind Violets Are Blue Skincare. Check out her store to purchase consciously-produced products, and read her Hook Ups interview here.

Is this your real name: Yes! At this age I have nothing to hide!


5 Things That Turn Me On

Sexiest Song: You Can Leave Your Hat On by Joe Cocker. Whether you are in a crowded bar, or alone in a room with someone you care about, this song is going to do something to you!

Sexiest City:  Seattle 100%. This may seem odd, but beautiful scenery is what gets my romantic juices flowing and Seattle has plenty of gorgeous topography. Mountains, lakes, a really romantic waterfront and loads of hole-in-the-wall restaurants and bars that are hidden away and you can be in your own world. Being on or near the water with glorious sunsets makes me so relaxed and happy and if you're with that special someone, there is nothing more erotic to me than that! Is that boring? My sexy may not be the same as other people's at this point!

Kiss Me… Inner part of my arm. Inner wrist to inner elbow or maybe just a tad above. (And you have to be a really gentle kisser. No wetness!)

Touch Me… I had a boyfriend in high school that would softly grab my face from both sides before he kissed me and I literally died every time. Still to this day, 40 years later, I break into a sweat when I think about it (or it’s a perfectly timed hot flash, but I’ll never know!)

Personality Traits: A quick-witted confident man who can cry in front of you. (And be quick witted about why he is his crying.) That’s not asking too much is it?!

5 Things That Turn Me On: Elizabeth

Name: Elizabeth. I’m the creator of the Romance app Amorus, an iOS app for couples to get sexier together (games and chat and privacy tools).

Is this your real name: YES.


5 Things That Turn Me On

Movie: Stealing Beauty – this is a very atmospheric Bertolucci movie. I fell in love with Italy, with being poetic, and wished I was as “gawky beautiful” as Liv Tyler at 15. And the sex scene at the end is an all-time fave.  

Touch Me… Yes please!  I am like a cat and love affectionate touch.  Hug me, rest a hand on my arm, spoon with me. Touch recharges me, and I start to feel drained and listless without it.

Daily Acts of Love: Say thank you!! Saying thank you acknowledges my efforts and my presence and my value to you.

Product or Aid I Love: House of Wise gummies (which I tried for the first time courtesy of Prime Crush).

Favorite Dress Up: I love tall heels, pointy toes, and lacy underwear. The pandemic has made all these things less common, but putting on the sexy clothes definitely turns up the internal thermometer!

5 Things That Turn Me On: R. Edas.

Name: R. Edas

Is this your real name: No.

Occupation: Writer/musician.

Current relationship status: In a committed relationship.

Which generation are you in: Generation X, born in 1961.


5 Things That Turn Me On

To Get Me Going:
+ A soft touch to my back or the very tippy-top of my ass.

+ A quick, slightly open mouth kiss, that lights across my lips as quickly as it retreats.

+ A wooden paddle.

+ Seeing a woman from behind, topless.

+ A ‘naughty school girl’ anime scene.

Sexiest Song: “Kashmir” is an iconic song for Led Zeppelin, cliché I know, but it is the relentlessness of it.

Sexiest City: San Francisco. Found and spent lots of kinky times there.

Hottest Book: Belinda by Anne Rice (writing as Anne Rambling at the time). Read it when published in 1984.

Product or Aid I Love: Cock cages…but only to look at.

to get every good vibe from The Crush Letter, subscribe. {here!}

We started with my 5 Things. Then CRUSH readers and contributors came, and we've had 5 Things from R. Edas, Dish Stanley, Bob Guccione, Jr, Jane Boon, Crush Reader Craig J and others.

What turns you on?  We'd love to hear from you! (Yes, you!) If you’d like us to send you a template to fill out, it’s really easy and fun, please email me at dish@primecrush.com. You must be a CRUSH Reader! (PS you can publish under your alias.)

5 Things That Turn Me On: Elisabeth C. Lamotte

In this recurring column, we share five things that light our fire.

Name: Elisabeth C. Lamotte

Is this your real name: No.

Occupation: Writer.

Current relationship status: Single.

Which generation are you in: Boomer.


5 Things That Turn Me On

Sexiest Song Two come to mind:When Doves Cry” by Prince, which made me think and makes me still think of my first big love, because it described a relationship that was fractured but sexually explosive. And, “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak, which made me think and makes me still think of my second big love. I didn’t want to love him; the timing was all wrong and he was wrong for me. An artist, intense, but remote and elusive. But, love him I did.

Sexiest City: Paris.  Yes, I know many say it, but I’ve been there a number of times and know it’s not a cliché. Paris doesn’t try hard to be sexy, it just is. To start, you are surrounded by incredible history, architecture and art, with the Seine and its beautiful bridges and river walks. It’s also a state of mind. Parisians live and let live. And, how, they live! Despite being in a large city, you see life being relished in every way.

to get every good vibe from The Crush Letter, subscribe. {here!}

Hottest Book: Hard to single out any in particular, but one of them for me is Thomas Hardy’s Far From the Madding Crowd. I first read it decades ago and reread it last about five years ago.

Personality Traits: Having a slightly warped, but good sense of humor. Being an adult while still having a good sense of fun. Being sophisticated, intelligent, and well-read but unpretentious. Having eclectic interests. Communication; not being sulky and silent when dealing with problems.

Daily Acts of Love: Letting me wake up slowly. Remembering and caring about things that are important to me.  Recognizing that the importance of my family and friends will not take away from our relationship.

(And here’s one more…as a bonus!)
Product or Aid: I Love Massage oil, with a pleasing scent, of course.

5 Things That Turn Me On: Lady Verity

Name: Lady Verity

Is this your real name: No.

Occupation: Writer & poet.

Current relationship status: Married.


5 Things That Turn Me On

Male dancers: Only once was I struck by beauty. I stopped in my tracks and stared at one of the most beautiful men I ever saw. He’s a professional contemporary dancer and teacher in New York. Male dancers are hot. They’re in fantastic shape, highly disciplined, and focused too, because you can’t dance and check your cell phone at the same time.

Serge Gainsbourg: Always a little world-weary and bedroom-eyed, he was a great artist who made outrageous remarks in interviews and sometimes showed up drunk at his performances. His ballads are a huge turn-on, and his voice is seductive perfection. He looked like he just made love or was just about to.

Red Cartier gift box: A gift he picked out because he was thinking of you, and he’s not cheap either which is always a turn-off.

Château d'Yquem in Paris: Bread, cheese, chocolates, and a bottle of Château d'Yquem just makes a person’s clothes start coming off.

Florence: Florence IS art. It’s in museums, on the street, Renaissance statues in the squares, on the facades of buildings. It’s cozy-shabby-chic and it’s where Dante first saw Beatrice on the Ponte Vecchio Bridge. Florence is easy and unrushed. It just happens.

5 Things That Turn Me On: Ali Waks Adams

Is this your real name: Yes

Occupation: Chef/Pop-up Producer.

Current relationship status:  Married.

Which generation are you in: Gen X, Bitches.


5 Things That Turn Me On

“I Burn For You” by Sting: When I was but a girl, I had a full-on Sting crush. I once sat outside Radio City Music Hall one night to give him a letter I wrote on my unicorn stationery. Now not so much, I mean we’ve both changed so much over the years, but back then I devoured the entire Sting oeuvre. He was in this indie film called Brimstone and Treacle where he played a total creepy sex offender…which was not very sexy BUT this song has a beat that is so sexy…ba ba ba da ba ba ba dum, ba ba ba… it’s totally the rhythm of a fantastic f*ck, and to this day I hear it and get a little buzz.

Words: There was a man who I was involved with who would just go “MMMM” a sort of grunt/hum, like “yes…I want it now” when he saw me and it was really sexy.

Kiss Me…: My lower back.

Touch Me…: Pull my hair and slap my ass.

Confidence (in Context): It’s all about context, context, and consent. I love a confident man, who looks at you like you are a Milk-Bone and they are a Golden Lab, but of course only if I find him attractive ‘cause otherwise it’s disgusting. But there is just something about that power dynamic of “Me Tarzan, you Jane -- and I am going to rock your world”, that just gets me going. I realize it’s very un-PC, anti-#metoo, but if we’re talking about what turns me on not what I think is proper behavior, and proper behavior is not really all that sexy to me, I like it a little bit rough and nasty…and when a man obviously wants to rip my clothes off.

What turns you on?  We'd love to hear from you! (Yes, you!) If you’d like us to send you a template to fill out, it’s really easy and fun, please email me at dish@primecrush.com. You must be a CRUSH Reader! (PS you can publish under your alias.)

Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck.

An occasional pop-up where we share the songs that make the readers of The Crush Letter want to bang. Got one?  Send it to me at Dish@PrimeCrush.com.

The Comfort Zone by Vanessa Williams

Submitted by Crush Reader Nathan Dawg

What about this song musically does it for you?  It has a great beat and sultry lyrics!

Who/what do you think of when you listen to this song? I go back to thinking about really great sexual experiences I have had with my ex-wife and new girlfriend

Anything you want to add about the song or artist or why you especially love it? The lyrics and Vanessa’s voice - just ‘hits the spot’!

Have You Tried Any of the Audio Erotic Sites? We love listening to porn and know about Dipsea, Quinn, Literotics and we are sure that there’s a lot more out there.

We are looking for sexy, romantic spots (not necessarily sex or kink clubs). Got any suggestions for CRUSH Readers?

Song of the Week

The Comfort Zone by Vanessa Williams

Listen: The Comfort Zone by Vanessa Williams

Well, I think Nate Dawg said almost all there is to say about this song.

Except I do remember how outragrous and hypocritical it was that Vanessa Williams – the first African-American woman to be named Miss America (in 1984) – was forced to relinquish her title on account of having posed nude (prior to her reign) for Penthouse. I mean really!?! The wholesomeness of the pageant was a facade nobody bought into, anyway. It wasn't until 2016 that the Miss America institution offered Williams a public apology.

Of course, success is the best revenge and Williams went on to a winning career as a singer and actress. It was seven years after the scandal in 1991 that she released her second album, The Comfort Zone, with a sensual and sleek sound that invites some taboo fantasies.

Hope you find your comfort zone over this long week end, Crush.

Dish Stanley XO,
Dish

You Won't Want to Miss A Thing. Here Are Links to Some Favorites.

+Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck. A Compendium from the Readers of The Crush Letter.

+The Sex Position Report. By Dish Stanley

+SIGHS & moans. By Ralph Greco

+DEVOUR {things to do, watch, see & have}








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By Kiva Schuler The Holiday Anti-Checklist By Liza Lentini The Perfect Snowy Saturday. By Jeanne Bosse The Ritual of Comforts. By Lady Verity The Sex Position Report. By Dish Stanley Thee Timeless Travel Books. By Bob Guccione Jr. Things To Let Go Of. By Dish Stanley To get all of us, subscribe. TOPIX Treats: A Sex Toy Tester Update Under The Radar Series. By Dish Stanley Who Are CRUSH Readers Grateful For? You're My Medicine You're Wearing A Turtleneck, Again? Your Big Green Heart. By Liza Lentini Your Love Is King & Queen, GQ Zoning Out in Comfort. By Dean Christopher