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Hello Crush,

"You danced, now pay."

If this guy who reacts to his electric bill as if he is in a Faulkner novel hasn’t crossed your path yet, do yourself a favor and listen here now.

Turns out @JerryWayneLive is a comedian and host of a podcast The Reckon Yards where he obsesses over cars and trucks. Clever, original.

In This Letter. +Going to Be a Guest at Somebody’s Summer House? Here Are the Gifts Your Host Really Wants. “The guests who really know what they’re doing don’t come with a ‘gift gift’“ +The CRUSH Definitive Guide to Men’s Summer Casual Style Pt. 2: Jeans, Shorts, Sneakers recommended by CRUSH Readers. Take a clue from Roger Federer. +So ‘Meh.’ Dakota Johnson in Materialists. By Dish Stanley “What was that, anyway? Because it wasn’t a rom com.” +Vintage Tease. I Love Tongue, from The Butcher Shop, Boston, 2016. +dishing. +Social Media I Loved This Week. +Our Song of the Week You thought I would fall

Going to Be a Guest at Somebody’s Summer House? Here Are the Gifts Your Host Really Wants.

Tips from Your Fellow CRUSH Readers Who Host Frequently.

Next Week We’ll Go Beyond Gifts — We Have Split The Advice Into Two Parts: Gifts (Part 1) and How to Make Yourself Easy as a Guest (Part 2).

Thanks for sharing your insights, CRUSH Hosts. If I could sum up the feedback they gave it would be that while we’d all like to have a “go to knock-it-out-of-the-park host gift“ on tap for when we’re showing up a a friends as a guest, the best host gifts (like all gifts) are highly tailored to the recipient, the recipient’s home and living experience.

The good news is that there is a formula, it just might involve doing it backwards and not showing up with it in hand. Read Annie’s advice below.

The one thing we heard over and over again is that hosts are sick of getting things they don’t want. They already have a pile up. At the top of the list on things they get that they don’t want: a case of wine they don’t like, gift cards to nearby restaurants they don’t actually like, or spas they’ll never go to.

The number one thing to keep in mind as a guest: your host doesn’t want more stuff.

"I try to discourage my guests from bringing anything but themselves, but if they insist I suggest a book that was a game changer for them.“ - Cornelia

Dish’s note: I love Cornelia’s idea here on what to suggest if they insist. It gives them something to bring which makes them feel better, and you end up with a highly recommended book to check out.

The most useful, universally applicable tip for guests: if you feel you really must give a gift then observe, observe, observe and send something relevant afterward.

"The guests who really know what they’re doing don’t come with a ‘gift gift’ unless they’ve been to your house recently or otherwise have a way of really knowing what you/your house really needs. They might come with some food or coffee item(s) to contribute to the kitchen for the weekend (homemade muffins or cookies are always nice). The best guests send a gift afterwards that is geared toward what we did, or what we (or the home) needs. Sending something afterward increases the probability that they are giving me something useful, and not something I have to then give away or worse yet, store!

In this vein, friends have restocked my coffee by sending pounds of whatever the house coffee is. Same with a case of the white wine I served. One sent a gorgeous throw in the same color/style as one already in the den because she noticed that we could have used multiples when we were watching tv on a cold night. I went to an arts and crafts fair with one friend and bought a small watercolor — she contacted the artist and had a second one sent to me so I could display them as a pair. One friend sent an envelope of guest ski passes because it was the beginning of the season and she thought I could use them for my nieces and nephews who were coming sans parents later that month. One made a donation in our names to a local charity I support. I have an outdoor pizza oven, and one friend sent a bunch of pizza accessories from the same line — a special peel for turning the pizza. One sent a package from Hannah Anderson of the vintage blue striped long john pajama sets for our kids (and a matching one for our dog!) after a bitter cold ski weekend. She got them for her kids too and we exchanged photos of our kids in them - goofy, but sweet. Oh, after a very, very wet girls’ hiking weekend, one girlfriend sent us all wool hiking socks — she sent me a few pairs so that I’d have extras for any guests who showed up unprepared. Mostly these are not expensive gifts - they are relevant, they ‘cap’ a special experience from the weekend or they contribute to the house." - Annie

Continue reading here

The CRUSH Definitive Guide to Men’s Summer Casual Style Pt. 2: Jeans, Shorts, Sneakers, Sweaters, Hoodies and Heavier Shirts recommended by CRUSH Readers.

My audience for the men’s summer casual style guide is the guy who wants to look good but who is decidedly not a dandy. He cares about buying smart-looking, well-priced things that work on a number of levels. He wants to grab the jeans, slip on the shirt, glide into the sneakers and go, knowing he’s nailed it easily and without fuss. He wants to buy clothes that he can wear for years, and he’s got some cool in his step, so he likes modern, updated clothes informed by the classics.

Read Part 1: Polo Shirts, T-Shirts, Linen Shirts, Camp Shirts here.

For some inspiration for this Part 2, take a look at Roger Federer here:

Jeans

For jeans, there is an overwhelming preference from CRUSH Readers for straight jeans with some stretch. A number of readers pointed out that they stay completely away from skinny jeans (“not comfortable, look ridiculous and way too trendy”). The straight leg stems from the classic Levi 501 look we grew up with. Always in style. From CRUSH Readers Craig, a senior executive whose career has been spent in the apparel and sneaker industry: “I am wearing Mott & Bow Jeans. (Don't love their tees). Lots of different fits. Check out the Crosby - I like the stretch which allows me to wear the Slim fit and not look like I'm wearing Skinny jeans.  Supposedly certain M&B styles, like the Oliver, help your ass look better but I don't happen to have anything back there so not my issue.“

All of the jeans shown and linked to above are favored by CRUSH Readers and are some variation of straight leg with stretch, except for the Levi 501’s above, which don’t have stretch and the Kapital jeans (below).

Note that Conan O’Brien says that the DU/ER Performance Denim Relax Taper are so comfortable "you could do yoga in them.

CRUSH Reader David is into Kapital jeans. I dated a guy who wore these and they really are so cool and a step above. He wore his Kapital jeans when we went out some place fab, like a jazz club. Kapital has a serious cult following in ‘jeans circles.’ It is a Japanese father and son brand founded in 1985 in the Okayama Prefecture in Japan. It was started by Hirata, the father, after he taught karate in the U.S., when he fell in love with mid-century American denim. Back in Japan he became obsessed with the manufacturing process of denim. (His level of obsession is so very Japanese.) (Note that you can’t order directly from Kapital’s website because the store doesn’t ship internationally, but here is a link to the Kapital brand jeans on the Blue in Green (SoHo, NY) website.

Continue reading here for sneakers, shorts and hoodies.

So ‘Meh.’ Dakota Johnson in Materialists. By Dish Stanley

Also, just so you know, I hired a matchmaker last year and wow, that was a big disappointment too. More on that in a future Letter.

No spoiler alerts here per se, but if you’re excited about seeing Celine Song’s latest film because you, too, loved Past Lives don’t let me kill your buzz.

A girlfriend and I saw Materialists last week end. I made kind of a big deal about wanting to see it as soon as it came out because, first off, Celine Song. Past Lives was observant and nuanced and it so powerfully captured that conflicted, nostalgic feeling of considering a road not taken in your love life. Secondly, the primary subject in the film is a matchmaker, something I have some firsthand experience with, unfortunately.

In Materialists Dakota Johnson plays a New York City matchmaker who in her own life is torn between two men. Neither guy is ‘some of this AND some that,’ and her choice is straightforward and without nuance: one offers love and authenticity, the other money and charm (and a sizable Tribeca loft).

On the escalator heading out after the film I turned to my friend and asked, in a tone suggesting I didn’t really want to hear the answer, "Soooo. What’d ya think?"

"Meh," she responded. She’s usually pretty eloquent. Descriptive. Also often biting and funny. But it was as if ‘meh’ was all she could muster. All the film deserved by way of critique.

The woman riding the elevator in front of us, who we didn’t know, looked back, shook her head in agreement, "Yeah. Meh," she said. 

"Me too," I replied. “Meh. How disappointing. Do we think it was really ‘meh,’ or were we too hyped up for it because of Past Lives?"

Continue reading here

Vintage Tease.

To celebrate summer, send us a shot of your favorite vintage t-shirt. From a concert, your favorite team, the memorable bar where that hot guy/girl who you never saw again got you off. Tell us the story behind it. What makes it your favorite? We will run this column every Saturday, or as long as we get your tease. I mean t’s.

From Patricia

I Love Tongue, from The Butcher Shop, Boston, 2016. I’m pretty sure I got this t-shirt at The Butcher Shop in Boston’s South End around 2010. The Butcher Shop was Barbara Lynch’s “tribute to old world boucheries.” (I had to look that word up, it‘s French for butcher shop, what do you know.) At any rate, I used to meet a friend there after work because you could get a seat at the bar and order a great glass of red wine, a terrific meatball dish and a salad and call it a night.

Alas, in 2016 Lynch was at the peak. Pretty sure she’d been awarded a James Beard by then, she had the only restaurant in Boston that had a Michelin star and she ran an empire. Everything was done in her distinctive, unfussy but sophisticated old world Italian-influenced style. The Butcher Shop imploded along with her whole empire around ‘24 after allegations of harassment, unpaid taxes and other unfortunate stories came out. (She said her empire went under because of high rents and uncooperative landlords but … ) It was a shame, though, to see a local woman who had been raised in the Southie projects by a single mother with many kids (maybe six) go down like that.

Still, the shirt is cool. It’s sly and funny and I think of it as Lynch showing a little bit of ‘fuck you humor.’

dishing.

things that are getting me off these days.

Joan Didion fans will salivate over this piece by Andrew O’Hagan in London Review of Books. It’s insightful, strongly opinionated and a goldmine for Didion lovers, as it summarizes her life by way of sort of reviewing four recent books about Didion: Notes to John (by Didion), Didion & Babitz (Lili Anolik), The Friday Afternoon Club (Griffin Dunne) and The Uptown Local: Joy, Death and Joan Didion (Cory Leadbeater). I’ve read all but the last, but it certainly sounds like I need not. Best line from O’Hagan: “We can’t libel the dead, but we can exploit them. By finding these gossipy books interesting, I show my own duplicity in the use of biographical material, yet I console myself with the notion that what has been revealed cannot be unrevealed.”

In case anyone forgot that Diana Mitford was a stunning beauty, here is a snippet of an interview with her. Evidently so much so that her nanny was caught beating her head against a cupboard “She can’t live,” the nanny said “she’s too beautiful.” The interview isn’t about that, it’s about her life, but one can’t help but notice.

MeetCutesNY interviews couples on the street of NYC and asks them questions like “what you like best” about the other. Generally it’s good, but this guy, who looks pretty swell to me, describes himself as “punching,” and it’s my favorite so far.

Everybody is going on a cell phone diet and evidently it’s because of the book How to Break Up With Your Phone. Three unrelated friends (meaning they don’t know each other) have mentioned that it’s changed their lives for the better.

JCrew’s Summer Event 50% Off Sale is going on now. Among other things, this linen utility dress has some potential, I think.

Social Media I Loved This Week

Song of the Week

Down To Be Wrong by HAIM

This is my favorite track from the new album by the three HAIM sisters that just dropped. The album is titled I Quit and its theme seems mostly be about break-ups, which makes sense because the band divorced the producer on their first three albums.

Down To Be Wrong has a catchy chorus interlaced with some smoky interludes. Very listenable.

Here they are performing it live on The Tonight Show.

Have a wonderful week, CRUSHes. We’re safely in summer now.

XO,
Dish

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The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter from Dish Stanley curating articles & intelligence on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?