Dating is so complicated at this stage — on top of all our scar tissue from umpteen years of living and loving — we’ve got the usual nerves and butterflies. Not to mention the practical obstacles of lives with baked-in structures, demands and impediments. Too often, we just can’t break through. But sometimes we do.
Willing: A Series on Dating, Sex & Life for Grown ups
“A girlfriend sent me a text last week saying she had a very special man she wanted me to meet, so I replied “sure!” Minutes later I got a text from an unknown number saying “my dear friend Susan said we should meet. Tough to ignore Susan—she’s so often right.”
Mike and I had dinner Wednesday. We got side-by-side seats at the bar for a drink first. The bar was crowded and we were getting jostled a bit but I noticed that whenever our legs brushed up against each other he jerked his back as if he’d just been electrocuted. Jarring! Still, we ended up in an easy, lovely conversation when we ended up seated across from each other over dinner.
When he walked me home he slipped my arm in his and said “I have to tell you something. My girlfriend of four years died of cancer three months ago. I took care of her for the last two years of her life. All the appointments, everything. This afternoon I had a little breakdown and considered canceling dinner, but I’m so glad I didn’t. I’m sorry if I seemed shell-shocked at first.”
The next day Mike sent me a text with “all the usual” thoughtful thank you’s and things to say. And he wrote this: “I’m still grieving, but I’d love to stay in touch and get to know each other better. As my life becomes grooved, who knows? In the meantime, you’re such a big reader, perhaps we could start by discussing some books?“ When I went to my front door the next day I received an Amazon delivery of Erik Larsen’s new book The Demon of Unrest. He’d remembered that we’d both said over dinner we were eager to read it. And later, I got a note saying ”How about discussing Demon sometime after Labor Day?”
Got a dating story — funny, not funny, touching, awkward, fabulous, other? We’d love to publish it. Don’t want to write it? You can tell it to Lisa Ellex and she’ll turn it into poetry. Write to her at LisaEllex@gmail.com.
The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter from Dish Stanley curating articles & intelligence on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?
