How to Be the Most Charming Person at a Party.  By Evie Arnaude

How to Be the Most Charming Person at a Party. By Evie Arnaude

. 3 min read

Want to be someone who’s invited to all the most sought-after soirées? We have the perfect cheat sheet for you.

A great guest list is much like a recipe: the perfect balance of spicy and sweet, with the all-import element of surprise. There’s a reason some people are always at the top of everyone’s list. They’re the ones who arrive at understanding the assignment: to share a spark and brighten the entire event. They don’t go through the motions, they enter the room conscious of contributing to other guests’ good time.  Instead of focusing on their own shyness or self-consciousness, they turn it around and ask themselves, how can I make someone else feel more comfortable and less awkward?  How can I show interest?  Make it easier on the host?  Increase the fun?  Their presence effortlessly allows this gathering of people to feel their very best.

Whether you’re throwing or going, we’re offering our thoughts on how to charm the jingle bells off of anyone this holiday season.

Dress to thrill. This is your time to shine. Wear something festive, and don’t be afraid of it being “too much”, you can’t be overdressed. A tulle skirt, bright lipstick, eye glitter: Whatever makes you look and feel great, do that. A red sweater, a tartan tie, bright socks, a festive silk square tucked into a sport coat.  You’re celebrating.  You can never have too much style.

Know your audience. Literally. Make an effort to learn everyone’s names and use them. There’s an immediate intimacy that comes with knowing and using someone’s name. If you’re terrible at remembering names (like I am!) repeat and use their name immediately after they tell you who they are.

Work the room. Look out across the room for somebody standing alone, somebody stuck awkwardly with the same person, anyone entering the room by themselves. Seamlessly spend time with the guests who are open to you. You can use easy observations—dress, the food, cocktails, the art on the wall, the playlist, friends in common—to break the ice.

“Flirt”. Redefined here as something that’s that little “extra” charm--understanding the line between lighthearted fun and a come-on. It could be a slight smile, an extended friendly gaze, a comical introduction, a gentle ribbing. Completely harmless and safely within everyone’s boundaries. It’s the kind of flirting that makes everyone feel good about themselves.

Listen. You know their names… go ahead and ask them about themselves. And list. Really listen. A good listener is so rare, and we need more in our wild world right now. (We can start with holiday parties!) There’s nothing that makes someone feel more seen than being listened to.

Keep it light. All that said, keep the conversation light and follow their lead. Don’t burden others with your work stress, Uncle’s illness, sick cat.  These are (likely) strangers and you're celebrating.

Don’t leave your sense of humor at home. You don’t have to prepare a bunch of one liners or a full-on standup routine, but since we’re keeping it light (see above) there’s nothing wrong with adding a bit of your own unique wit where appropriate.

Share something about yourself. Appropriately, safely: Share what makes you uniquely you. When we share something about ourselves—thoughtfully, authentically—we expose our vulnerability. We make a connection.

Waste not. Fun and happy is fine, but sloppy drunk is not. It’s impossible to be charming when you’re drooling. If you drink alcohol, please don’t get wasted drunk. That’s the opposite of charming.

Be Yourself.  Be an original. As corny as it sounds, it’s true. Every suggestion above should be filtered through the individual spark that got you invited in the first place.

Take Me Back To The Crush Letter No 40

The Crush Letter
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