The 3 Things You’re Really Fighting About, according to Esther Perel. (Hint. It’s not laundry.)

The 3 Things You’re Really Fighting About, according to Esther Perel. (Hint. It’s not laundry.)

. 1 min read

The Three Things You and Your Partner Are Really Fighting About, according to Esther Perel.  It's not about you leaving dirty socks on the floor or how loud he chews or why you're playing Lake Street Dive's new album Obviously for the fifth time today.  It's not even about sex or money, really.  Every fight is about one of three things says Perel:  i) power and control, ii) care and closeness and iii) respect and recognition.  I've sent some Perel snippets over to a few friends who called distraught over the claustrophobia-fueled battles they are having with their partners, and they found the mindset shift eye-opening.  I am working on a larger piece on Esther Perel's body of work for The Crush Letter, but in case this keeps the peace for you, Perel's Insta Video on the three things you're fighting over is here and her blog post is here.  Her video on Putting Escalating Fights on Ice is here and her blog post on Avoiding Common Argument Patterns is here.

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