Tips from Your Fellow CRUSH Readers Who Host Frequently.
Next Week We’ll Go Beyond Gifts — We Have Split The Advice Into Two Parts: Gifts (Part 1) and How to Make Yourself Easy as a Guest (Part 2).
Thanks for sharing your insights, CRUSH Hosts. If I could sum up the feedback they gave it would be that while we’d all like to have a “go to knock-it-out-of-the-park host gift“ on tap for when we’re showing up a a friends as a guest, the best host gifts (like all gifts) are highly tailored to the recipient, the recipient’s home and living experience.
The good news is that there is a formula, it just might involve doing it backwards and not showing up with it in hand. Read Annie’s advice below.
The one thing we heard over and over again is that hosts are sick of getting things they don’t want. They already have a pile up. At the top of the list on things they get that they don’t want: a case of wine they don’t like, gift cards to nearby restaurants they don’t actually like, or spas they’ll never go to.
The number one thing to keep in mind as a guest: your host doesn’t want more stuff.
"I try to discourage my guests from bringing anything but themselves, but if they insist I suggest a book that was a game changer for them.“ - Cornelia
Dish’s note: I love Cornelia’s idea here on what to suggest if they insist. It gives them something to bring which makes them feel better, and you end up with a highly recommended book to check out.
The most useful, universally applicable tip for guests: if you feel you really must give a gift then observe, observe, observe and send something relevant afterward.
"The guests who really know what they’re doing don’t come with a ‘gift gift’ unless they’ve been to your house recently or otherwise have a way of really knowing what you/your house really needs. They might come with some food or coffee item(s) to contribute to the kitchen for the weekend (homemade muffins or cookies are always nice). The best guests send a gift afterwards that is geared toward what we did, or what we (or the home) needs. Sending something afterward increases the probability that they are giving me something useful, and not something I have to then give away or worse yet, store!
In this vein, friends have restocked my coffee by sending pounds of whatever the house coffee is. Same with a case of the white wine I served. One sent a gorgeous throw in the same color/style as one already in the den because she noticed that we could have used multiples when we were watching tv on a cold night. I went to an arts and crafts fair with one friend and bought a small watercolor — she contacted the artist and had a second one sent to me so I could display them as a pair. One friend sent an envelope of guest ski passes because it was the beginning of the season and she thought I could use them for my nieces and nephews who were coming sans parents later that month. One made a donation in our names to a local charity I support. I have an outdoor pizza oven, and one friend sent a bunch of pizza accessories from the same line — a special peel for turning the pizza. One sent a package from Hannah Anderson of the vintage blue striped long john pajama sets for our kids (and a matching one for our dog!) after a bitter cold ski weekend. She got them for her kids too and we exchanged photos of our kids in them - goofy, but sweet. Oh, after a very, very wet girls’ hiking weekend, one girlfriend sent us all wool hiking socks — she sent me a few pairs so that I’d have extras for any guests who showed up unprepared. Mostly these are not expensive gifts - they are relevant, they ‘cap’ a special experience from the weekend or they contribute to the house." - Annie
A rare example of somebody who really knew the home and family and came with a highly tailored gift. (And one who didn’t.)
"We have a dog centric household and you get greeted at the threshold by Polo & Scout. The best housewarming gift was a doormat that says ‘we hope you like dogs’. The worst was when someone brought kerchiefs for the dogs and insisted on putting them on. It was painful not to be rude and explain that we are not an ‘animals in clothes’ house." - Diane
Dish’s note: Oh wow, that’s bad. The kerchief thing. Koko would be so annoyed!
My ’go to’ when I am going to be a guest some place where it will be a big gathering.
“My friend Allie gave me the suggestion of ordering a bundle of Zabar’s New York Bagels, cream cheese and lox for delivery as a host gift when going to a house where there will be a crowd. I ordered multiple bundles to be delivered on the day I arrived at my friend’s Cape house for July 4th weekend last summer. She had a large crowd staying there, including high school, college and post-college kids. She put the bagel spread out every morning and the kids helped themselves. She said it was an absolute lifesaver (doubly so because you can’t find good bagels on the Cape). She froze the leftover bagels. She told me it was the best hostess gift, hands-down.
After that, I did the same thing for my brother’s house at Christmas and then for a friend’s ski house for a family trip to Montana. All big hits. Thanks for making me look good, Allie!“ - Dish
Got a crowd-pleasing host gift up your sleeve or a favorite way to contribute? We will add it to Part 2 next week. In fact, this is such a rich topic that we can keep it going all summer, or for as long as the good tips come in.
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