And Also Because I Had Slipped into a Funk
I wasn’t sure if any CRUSH Readers would care about this because, for one thing, you can’t even see me, given that I write under a pseudonym. And for another thing I don’t know if you care about ‘spring looks’ (let alone mine) generally. But HOLY SHIT when I asked whether you wanted eyeliner tips last Saturday your response was an overwhelming yes. So while I am pulling that together for you, in the meantime, voila! my Spring Makeover.
I told you a couple weeks ago about the disappointing end to what had been the promising start to a lovely romance (… his ex-girlfriend got wind of our dating and showed up with bells and whistles). One of my closest friends pointed out that “it had nothing to do with you. You got caught up in their drama is what happened. You were the victim of a drive-by shooting.” I agree with her, and also the relationship was so new that the loss is more about the anticipation and hope, more about the exhausted feeling of having to ‘go back out there.’
I’m pretty much over it. But the fact is that that relationship collapsed mid-April and after that I fell into a funk.
A trip to NYC certainly helped, but I thought that perhaps spiffing myself up a bit for the spring might help further. I wanted to feel especially light.
I don’t feel like I need much of a wardrobe refresh (typically, retail therapy is where I start), so I focused on three things - my hairstyle, my eyebrows and getting rid of my RBF. (That’s Resting Bitch Face, if you’ve been buried in Four Seasons episodes.)
First, I got a shoulder-length bob.
Like a lot of other people, I was inspired by the bob Leslie Bibb’s character Kate had in The White Lotus. Yeah, the one she and her megawatt hairstylist referred to as “the cunty little bob” in this insta post.
I was in West Palm Beach when I decided I desperately needed this look, where I do not have a hairstylist ‘on call,’ but I remembered that my friend Mary does. She was in Iceland with her husband right then but she’s somebody always at the rescue when a girlfriend has an emergency. She texted back asap. “Hakan is my guy.”
I have neither Bibb’s defined jawline, nor her willowy figure, and thought I needed something a little more ‘forgiving,‘ so Hakan and I agreed on a soft, face-framing, shoulder-length version. He took the time to show me how to style it myself, and it’s been a blast. It looks like this.
Then I got my eyebrows tinted.
Eyebrows, eyebrows, eyebrows. Who knew they were such statement makers, until they started fading away? I have been lazy about eyebrow maintenance, but then when I see a friend like my friend Lisa, who keeps her eyebrows looking fabulous at all times, I think “Dish, do like Lisa. Be fab.” I also remembered that last summer I ran into my friends Kathy and Nina after having just gotten mine tinted. I was sure that they were too dark and they looked overbearing and ridiculous, but they both blurted out - practically in unison - “You’re eyebrows look amazing, Dish!”
I got those at Bespoke Brows NYC. They did a tint, and they looked great for a couple of weeks and good for another week or so but then they faded.
For my Spring makeover, I went back to Bespoke. But I need a more permanent solution, and I’m working on that. I asked my friend Lisa — Lisa with the fabulous brows – about what she does for hers. Lisa is a very smart person who obsessively researches things (so we don’t have to). “Powder brows,” she told me. “It’s the next gen. More natural-looking than the microblading people used to do. They put tiny pigment dots into the skin, so it’s a soft-powdered look.”
And before I could shooter her back a thank you text, she wrote this: “Make sure that whoever does it takes the time to do all the correct measurements for the perfect brow! (Emphasis is all Lisa’s.) The initial appointment should take a couple of hours to get your brow mapped out correctly.” She also said to ask how long you had to go without sweating for taking a shower after the application, so you can plan your calendar. And then she sent this, god bless her, so I didn’t cut any corners:
My overall look, with bob and brows, is something roughly resembling this (though my face looks nothing like this model’s — I’m talking bob and brows, CRUSHes):
And when I thought about it, I realized (after having spotted her at that club-with-clout in the West Village I told you about a couple weeks ago), that Michelle Williams has dark, perfectly sculpted eyebrows. I googled her and found the picture below, and wondered if she has powder brows. “I wonder if she also consults with my friend Lisa,” is what I actually wondered.
Are you a little worried right now because you don’t actually know Lisa? Don’t. Because I know Lisa, and so I got you covered, CRUSHes.
Finally, botox. I got rid of my ‘Resting Bitch Face.’
So that’s the hair and brows. But then I remembered about the last time I saw my Mother. This is the exact conversation that I had with her:
Mom: “Honey, why are you scowling at me?”
Me: ”What? I’m not. I’m just sitting here. We’re talking about Towards Zero [our latest mutual Agatha Christie obsession on Masterpiece Theater]. Why would I be scowling?”
Mom: “Oh. Well you look like you’re scowling, honey.“
I kid you not. My Mother is from a generation where mothers think it’s perfectly fine to blithely critique your grown daughter’s appearance. She is in her late 80’s, so I try to give her a pass. But also, I thought: “If — with her diminished sight — she is picking up on my 11’s, then shit they’re bad.“
And since I couldn’t say “If I’m scowling it’s probably because when I’m with you (and even when I’m not) I‘m worried about whether you’re going to fall because you‘re still not seeing well since your stroke and why are you eating ice cream when you’re blood pressure is too high and how come you’re so stubborn?” I said instead, “Yep, I think I’ll get botox.”
Afterall, what good is a bob and brows makeover if I look scowley? So as part of my Spring makeover I decided to do something about my RBF.
Many years ago — maybe ten — I got botox, but I went in uninformed about it, and it was back when they were freezing the whole forehead. I felt trapped in somebody else’s implacable face. Meaning, I didn’t like the results at all. This time I got a recommendation for a specialist from a friend and I did my research. I wanted to go in with some specific requests, and to show the practitioner exactly what I wanted, so I found Dr. Farrell on instagram. There are a lot of aesthetics experts (or should I say ‘experts’) on instagram, but Dr. Farrell addresses her specifically for women 50+ and she’s specific. I wanted something to go into my aesthetician with, armed with a plan.
The first thing that happened when I walked into Aesthetics by Kallee is that Nicolette, who was standing behind the counter, said “Oh I love your bob! So fresh!” That made me feel good.
In the treatment room, I told kallee that I wanted to address my 11’s, what’s called a ‘botox brow lift,’ and also for her to do my chin and DAO. Not wanting to risk a thing, I pulled up the videos below, and as we were reviewing them Kallee said, “Oh, I know Farrell and I do her protocol exactly.”
I am including the videos for you, CRUSHes, in case you need them.
Find Dr. Farrell’s video on frown lines (11’s) here.
Her video on the best way to do a botox brow lift, according to Dr. Farrell, is here.
Dr. Farrell’s chin and DAO botox video for RBF is here.
After all that, I love my Spring refresh.
I think there are those who would argue that getting over a funk (or even a little break-up) is more of an inside job. More about time and processing and centering and being around friends and things that make you feel good and happy (like exercising and reading and watching old Hugh Grant movies). They might be right, but I think that my Spring makeover is self-care. It‘s getting up off the coach and doing something about my funk to make myself feel better, rather than (just) watching Hugh Grant make doe eyes to Andie McDowell while stammering. It’s taking action. And yes, I realize the aesthetic-industrial-complex co-opted the term ‘self-care’ to profit from it.
But the thing is, I feel better. That’s what matters to me right now. I know myself by now and I know that when I feel myself going down a sinkhole it’s best to try break the fall however I can as soon as I can. I know to give myself a little bit of space to process, and then to intervene early.
But this Spring makeover was fun. Next time I’m not going to wait for a funk. In fact, I am googling ’where can I get powder brows nearby’ as you read this.
The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter from Dish Stanley curating articles & intelligence on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?
