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Hello Crush,
Thanks for being here, CRUSHes. My piece in last week’s Letter Why Everyone You Know Is Reading Belle Borden’s Divorce Memoir was my most highly read story ever. In 216 Letters. I got a lot of reaction to my piece, but I’ll admit that the most common one was “Dish, I tried to buy Strangers after reading your review, but the hard copies are all sold out!” It has been getting so much media attention, it flew out off the shelves in a few days.
As I wrote, I inhaled it in 24 hours, yet its widespread popularity surprised me. I didn’t know who Belle Burden was before reading her memoir, but she is a descendant of the Vanderbilt railroad dynasty and the granddaughter of Babe Paley, ”chief swan.” To say that she lives in a bubble of social and economic privilege is an understatement. Her bubble is the champagne of bubbles, and not even any run-of-the-mill vintage Dom Perignon. Her bubble is the 1985 Louis Roederer Cristal Rose of champagne bubbles.
Yet, as I wrote in my piece, even as we take note of her immense privilege, even as we are swept up in the suspense of whether the onerous terms of the couple’s prenup will be enforced, we can see ourselves in parts of her story. As I flipped through the pages of the book after finishing it, I came across a passage I had circled and marked with the marginalia: “REMEMBER THIS!” It was a universal lesson for all of us, not having to do with marriage, divorce or prenups, but rather, a lesson for when we are on the outside of somebody else’s emotional calamity, looking in. And it’s very basic.
It’s what to say when we run into them. It is a lesson in graciousness of general applicabity. I offer it to you below.
And in case you missed it last week, scroll down to find my most heavily read piece ever. As with this week’s piece What to Say, no spoilers.
PS: I’ve discovered a new singer — she’s hard to describe, but perhaps a cross between Amy Winehouse and Dolly Parton. I know, I know but if you haven’t heard of her you have to check out our Song of the Week.
In This Letter.
+What to Say. A Reminder for the Rest of Us from Belle Burden’s Memoir. By Dish Stanley
+Achievable New Year’s Resolutions from CRUSH Readers
+Combat Crepey Body Skin. By Lauren D. Weinstein
+Social Media I Loved This Week
+Our Song of the Week: GONE!
What to Say. A Reminder from Belle Burden’s Memoir. By Dish Stanley
There’s a simple but urgent reminder for all of us in Belle Burden’s divorce memoir, whether or not we are or ever were married, and whether happily or unhappily so (if we even know).
There are many lessons we can take away from Belle Burden’s addictive divorce memoir. The most glaring is to heed your lawyer’s advice when your betrothed presents you with an unprecedented one-sided rider to your family’s standard prenuptial agreement. (Don’t feel badly if your family doesn’t have a “form prenup” on file, neither does the Stanley dynasty.)
But the most useful lesson is not for those who are contemplating marriage, already married or a party to the divorce (or indeed, the victim of any other heartbreaking calamity). It is for those of us standing outside tragedy, not in the intimate circle of family of friends. A little removed, yet still witness to the poor, shell-shocked souls going through it.
The lesson is what to say when we run in to them.
Useful because we so often find ourselves face-to-face with friends and acquaintances going through divorce (death, illness, litigation, a public business meltdown), and we mostly don’t know what to say.
The answer is more than two-thirds of the way through Burden’s unsettling memoir. At this point, her husband has left her a couple months earlier— without warning or explanation — and she is still in a state of despair and disbelief, but nonetheless has to keep the trains running, get up out of bed and go out in the world. She is living with her two teenage daughters in a small, close-knit community on Martha’s Vineyard where everybody knows everybody’s business and her and her husband’s divorce is a topic at every dinner party (from which, because she is newly single, she is painfully excluded).
Continue reading here
Achievable New Year’s Resolutions from CRUSH Readers
In last week’s CRUSH Letter, Dish shared the resolutions she’s “pretty sure” she can achieve in 2026, starting with adding pink ostrich feathers to the red dress she recently rediscovered in her storage unit. Here are the ones you CRUSH Readers wrote in with. Thank you!
"I am going to do something new to spice up me and my husband’s sex life. I have no idea what (yet), but I’ll read that book you (Dish) recommended a while back I guess. (What was the name again, Dish?) The truth is, whatever effort I do / try, he will love and appreciate.” - Danielle
{Note to Danielle. Great resolution! It might have been Great Sex Starts at 50 by Tracey Cox or 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do by Kate Sloan. In February we will be sharing reviews of some new sex toys, as well as re-running SIGHS & Moans a column by Ralph Greco, a kink expert. Let me know if there’s anything else you’d like to read about to rev you up.}
"Okay, okay. I’m resolved to try to be patient with my ex. Even though he’s an asshole. I might even achieve it simply because it’s not for him, but for me and our kids. For keeping the peace with that asshole." - Kim
"Read Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry. Been on my list for a while." - Dave
"Like Dish, I’m going to try to be more patient with my Mom!" - Katherine
"Try strength training." - Allison
"Catch myself before I say something snarky (without thinking). To be clear, sometimes once I think about it, I decide that snarky is just what’s needed." - Laura
"Get the knee surgery I’ve been putting off for a decade. My bad knee is hampering my health and my fun." - Kevin
"To swim a mile and then do so regularly after a decades long and well founded aversion to swimming." - Diane
Scroll down to see Dish’s achievable resolutions.
Combat Crepey Body Skin by Lauren D. Weinstein
While attempting to perform a plank during an arduous Body Pump class, I glanced down at my trembling forearms and to my alarm, I noticed my skin had the weathered and crepey appearance of an elephant’s butt. I was not pleased at all and instantly determined to find products that could tackle this new unsightly development without having to spend a fortune.
What causes this laxity and unsightly change in texture? Simply, its mainly caused by aging, sun exposure, weight fluctuation, hormonal changes, dehydration, poor diet and genetics. The good news is that it is treatable with choosing the right products, daily applying broad spectrum sun protection, (minimum SPF30 ), wearing protective clothing when outdoors, following a balanced diet, staying hydrated, quitting smoking ,getting quality sleep for essential skin repair and regeneration and being CONSISTENT!!.
Start with over-the-counter moisturizers that contain ingredients that support skin health. Look for retinoids, which thickens the dermis and reduces age spots and peptides which help to stimulate and increase collagen in your skin. Alpha -hydroxy acids (AHA), lactic acid and glycolic acids rejuvenate skin by increasing cell turnover and improve texture and brightness. Another star ingredient to incorporate is hyaluronic acid. Hyaluronic acid gives skin bounce, improves elasticity and increases skin moisture levels. Co Q10 and Idebenone are powerful antioxidants that promote cellular repair while neutralizing free radicals caused by environmental stressors like UV radiation and pollution, reducing fine lines and wrinkles, improving brightness and skin texture.
Here are options that are effective and budget friendly. (With an added splurge, because I am a little Boujee!!)
Gold Bond Crepe Corrector Body Lotion, can be used on face ($16.97)
Continue reading about crepey skin solutions here
Social Media I Loved This Week
Song of the Week
Gone by KELS
I’m crazy over this new feisty, independent singer KELS. I see Amy Winehouse in her — in her sound and her style. But she has an edge of country. Rocking, emotional, lots of attitude. I’m 100% in on her redneck style. The too-much make-up, the animal print hair ties, the red bejeweled nails, how her kewpie doll penciled in lips come to two sharp points ant the top. It’s all so trailer trash glam and fabulous. She hails from Atlanta by way of Pittsburgh and she self-funded a 52-show solo tour across the US in 2023. Gutsy. I’m devastated I missed her because she performed in a lot of the smaller, intimate venues where it is great to see emerging artists. I feel like she’s going to go big, so I’m trying to figure out a way to get to one of her upcoming shows soon. Here are the dates — she is adding more by the minute.
Check her out and let me know what you think.
How is the year starting out for you? Anything you’d like me to cover? You can always write to me at Dish@PrimeCrush.com.
XO,
Dish
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The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter from Dish Stanley curating articles & intelligence on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?
