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Hello Crush,
Happy Valentine’s Day. I like the idea of Valentine’s Day best when I think of it as a gentle reminder to be in touch with those I love and appreciate. As a day to que up small gestures for family and friends. Except for Christmas, which my mother always went ALL IN on, my family is not big on marking the ”Hallmark Days,” whether those are birthdays, Valentine’s Day, etc.
My parents, though, did go big on small, consistent, loving gestures. When we were in school, my mother made us a hot breakfast every morning. She’d also check the school’s lunch calendar and if it was a meal any of us didn’t like, she’d pack us a lunch, often with a note inside ”Didn’t want you to suffer through their meatloaf, honey. Love you!” My father got up early on icy New England mornings and scraped the ice from her car before she went to work. When they got me a used Buick my senior year, he scraped my windshield too. Before he headed out for the day, he went into each of me and my sibling’s bedrooms, gave us a kiss on the cheek and said “I love you. Have a wonderful day.” Every morning before he left for work, his kiss was the alarm clock that got me out of bed to go to school.
I remember one of the small gestures that made my late husband capture my heart. It was on an early date, the summer of 1998 — we were at Kelly’s Roast Beef diner in Revere, MA. (He was introducing me to “the real Boston, the Boston he loved.”) As we were taking off to see Something About Mary (one of our all-time favorite movies), he asked me what one of my longtime favorite novels was. One that influenced me formatively.
As he held the door open for me on our way out of Kelly’s, I responded with The Ginger Tree by Oswald Wynd, a book my mother had given me for Christmas when I was 16. It’s about a Scottish girl who is married off in 1903 to a British diplomat stationed in Manchuria. She travels from Scotland across the globe for this marriage of convenience, which is a disaster, and ends up falling in love with a Japanese nobleman. She ultimately chooses to leave her safe but unhappy life for a brave, dangerous, foreign journey that offers her the possibility of personal fulfillment. It had so many elements that spoke to me: displacement, exoticism, safety and expectedness vs risk and independence, resilience, agency, belonging and love.
He surprised me a month later by telling me he had read it “because I want to really know you.” I fell for him that moment, and felt deeply known and loved by him every day after.
It was the summer, so it was far from Valentine’s Day but somehow through the years it transformed in my mind from being the most romantic gesture ever to the “greatest Valentine’s gift I ever got.“ I still chuckle over that. And the fact that my most romantic moment took place at a Kelly’s Roast Beef Diner.
That’s what I wish for each of you, though, CRUSHes. That feeling of love and support that comes from somebody wanting to know you deeply.
We are continuing with our Frisky February theme (all month!). Enjoy.
In This Letter.
+In Good Hands: A Midlife Couple’s Immersive Porn Surprise. By A.K.A Darla Rita decided to keep the massage a surprise and told Nick nothing more than “prepare for the hottest date of your life.”
+PrimeCrush & Chill: Steamy Films Worth A Re-Watch. Sex, Lies & Videotapes. By Christian Pan While Ann struggles to convince herself into rationalizing why she and her husband no longer have sex, Graham strives to live by a credo of complete honesty, revealing that he has solved his sexual impotence by finding arousal through videotaping women talking about sex.
+SIGHS & moans: Part 2: How To Introduce Fantasy To Your Partner. By Ralph Greco So, don’t be surprised that you become tongue-tied when it comes to revealing a fantasy to someone you love and trust above all others.
+Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck. Submitted by an anonymous (and succinct! CRUSH Reader. I feel it in my bones.
+Social Media I Loved This Week
+Our Song of the Week You’re as sweet as strawberry wine
In Good Hands: A Midlife Couple’s Immersive Porn Surprise. By A.K.A Darla
In search of titillation, one PrimeCrush columnist shares a sexy story about a long-term couple’s search for a porn experience that they could both enjoy, together...
Porn comes in many varieties. It can be mainstream, hardcore, softcore, DIY, erotic, feminist and so much more. Whichever brand of porn you fancy, one thing is certain: porn is subjective.
I discussed porn with Rita, a friend since high school with whom I’ve swapped many a sex story. Rita has been living with Nick for close to ten years and maintains that their time between the sheets has never been anything less than sizzling, however, when it comes to agreeing on what type of porn they can enjoy together, they are at an impasse.
Determined to find something that would strike both their fancies, Rita came upon a site that offered a “Couples in the Nude Massage.” In a luxury hotel room, a nude masseuse would alternately massage Rita and Nick for a total of three-and-a-half erotic hours while each took turns observing the other’s enjoyment.
Rita decided to keep the massage a surprise and told Nick nothing more than “prepare for the hottest date of your life.” The night began at their favorite restaurant and, after dinner, Rita called a car. Inside the car, she kept Nick blindfolded until they arrived at one of their city’s finest hotels where they rode the elevator to the masseuse’s room. Wearing nothing but a gauzy, white robe, the masseuse invited the couple inside and asked Rita and Nick to take a seat on the couch where she explained the rules: “I will not put my mouth on you. You may not put your mouth on me. I will not have sex with you. Please change in the bathroom where you’ll find robes to wear to the massage table.” Then, the masseuse answered some of the couple’s questions and asked them to sign a release (yes, I know, it’s a groove-kill but everyone must play nice). With business out of the way, it was time for pleasure.
Continue reading here
PrimeCrush & Chill: Steamy Films Worth A Re-Watch. Sex, Lies & Videotapes.
In this series from Christian Pan, we hook back up with our favorite ex's--as in classic steamy movies worth a re-watch.
Sex, Lies, and Videotape (1989)
Starring: James Spader, Andie MacDowell, Peter Gallagpher, Laura San Giacomo
Released: January 20, 1989 (USA)
Basic Plot: A web of deception and infidelity is quickly disrupted with the arrival of a stranger who creates a unique form of videotapes.
Housewife Ann (Andie MacDowell) is initially unaware that the reason why her husband John (Peter Gallagher) is frequently unavailable to take her calls at the law firm is because he is having an affair with her sister, Cynthia (Laura San Giacomo). But when John invites his old college friend Graham (James Spader) to temporarily stay with them in Baton Rouge while he looks for an apartment, the lies and the deceit begin to unravel. While Ann struggles to convince herself into rationalizing why she and her husband no longer have sex, Graham strives to live by a credo of complete honesty, revealing that he has solved his sexual impotence by finding arousal through videotaping women talking about sex. Shortly after her sister Cynthia visits Graham to make one of these tapes, Ann discovers a clue that shows that she and John have been having an affair for months. She makes a tape with Graham, questions what he is trying to do with the tapes from this “personal project”, and then tells her husband she wants out of their marriage. In a rage, John violently confronts his old friend before viewing the videotape made between him and his wife.
Why Re-watch: It is difficult not to underestimate the influence Sex, Lies, and Videotape had in pioneering the American independent theater movement of the 1990s. Director Steven Soderbergh infamously wrote the script in eight days during a road-trip, and the film won the Audience Award for Best Film at the 1st annual US Film Festival (thereafter named Sundance) before going to Cannes in the south of France, where 26-year-old Soderbergh became the youngest director to win their Palme d´Or. Made for just over a million bucks, Sex, Lies, and Videotape has earned over $100 million worldwide since its theatrical release. Not bad for a debut.
Continue reading here
SIGHS & moans. By Ralph Greco
How To Introduce Fantasy To Your Partner.
A column on love, sex, and kink in relationships from the host of the podcast Licking Non-Vanilla, who has spent a lot of time contemplating all of it in his sixty years of being alive.
“Ok, So I Had This Idea We Might Turn the Bedroom Into a 19th Century One-Room School House and You Can Dress Up In”…
The second part in Ralph Greco's series Sighs & Moans, a column on love, sex and kink from a kink expert, where he suggests way to introduce your fantasy to your partner.
How to introduce your fantasy to your partner.
So, you are entertaining some thoughts that have led you on some late-night Internet searches, stuff you have been thinking about even when rolling around in bed with your lover? Stuff that you really can’t get out of your head? What should you do with these fantasies? If you have been with a partner for a bit or might like to show off your adventurous spirit with somebody new, is it safe to spill the beans on your naughty inner-most thoughts? Out your fantasy, as it were, and make it a reality?
In the end, how does one introduce their fantasy to a partner? Here are some thoughts:
The Irony of Familiarity
Ironically, those closest to us, a spouse or even a friends-with-bene’s partner, could be the hardest to tell your fantasy to. Set against your usual manner of making love, suddenly revealing some sexual desire you have kept hidden from your partner or opening your imagination enough for them to take a peek inside, ironically can be scarier the closer you are to someone. You have lots to lose if somebody you really care for is taken aback by your desire to play naked fireman or house inspector, or by you revealing your clutching fascination with your lover’s sneakers. After all, if they don’t take too well to your “can’t-un-ring-a-bell” moment, it’s going to hurt.
So, don’t be surprised that you become tongue-tied when it comes to revealing a fantasy to someone you love and trust above all others.
But muster your courage and proceed. The best part of mining a deep intimacy with someone is knowing that this person, out of all people, has your back. Accepts you. Appreciates and respects your act of vulnerability and trust. And really, if this is someone you’ve known for years, they may have suspected a thing or two about your naughty little noggin anyway.
Hell, you’d be damned surprised (and eager) to learn what’s in theirs, wouldn’t you?!
Continue reading here
Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck. A Compendium from the Readers of The Crush Letter.
An occasional pop-up where we share the songs that make the readers of The Crush Letter want to bang. Got one? Send it to me at Dish@PrimeCrush.com.
Tennessee Whiskey by Chris Stapleton. Submitted by an anonymous (and succinct!) CRUSH Reader
What about this song musically does it for you?
I feel it in my bones.
Who/What are you thinking of when you listen to this song?
Falling for someone.
Social Media I Loved This Week
Song of the Week
Tennessee Whiskey by Chris Stapleton
I have been loving this slow tempo love anthem, song with Stapleton’s deep honey voice. Thanks anonymous CRUSH Reader!
Here’s to some good lovin’, CRUSHes.
XO,
Dish
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The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter from Dish Stanley curating articles & intelligence on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?
