The Crush Letter brings love to your inbox (nearly) weekly on Saturdays. To make you, your weekend — and sometimes even your love life — more compelling. I’m Dish, the impresario of this show, and I share stories about life, love and culture from a 50+ viewpoint. Hell yes, sign me up.
In This Letter.
+The Financial Realities You Need to Understand If You Are Married. Lessons from Belle Burden’s Divorce Memoir. By Dish Stanley “These financial lessons apply to all married women,” says Deirdre Prescott, Founder of Sandy Cove Advisors, “in order to understand what your financial realities are in the event of a divorce or the death or incapacitation of your spouse. Because the probability that you will experience one of those two and end up navigating a financial obstacle course is very high.”
+Connections, By Text. Dinner in Palm Beach. “Want to have dinner this week in PB … I’m open/flexible.”
+Update: Pink Ostrich Feathers & Other Achievable Goals (from January) By Dish Stanley Done and it’s fab!
+dishing. The brilliant move a dominatrix shares that we can all use when somebody blows through our boundaries.
+Our Song of the Week Covering a Willie Nelson classic.
Hello Crush,
It’s been a minute, because I’ve been trying to sell my house, so we have a lot to catch up on.
First off, Happy Mother’s Day, CRUSHes. Here’s to celebrating all the hard-working, selfless, secular saints in our collective lives.
If it weren’t for mine, I’d be less literate, less opinionated, less stylish and less interesting, for sure. Also less direct.
One of my quintessential stories about my mother, which I’ve shared here before, is her admonition to me, days after my college graduation, as I headed to Manhattan to seek fame and fortune (or just some fun) was: “I don’t care what you end up being, honey. Just don’t be dull. I couldn’t bear that.”
I’m with her as we speak (so to speak) and I just asked her if she wanted to watch the second episode of the new Britbox series The Other Bennet Sister. “I think not,” she responded, “the first episode was silly.” When I pointed out that John Anderson, in the WSJ suggests that it gets going in the second episode and that the lead character Mary becomes “irresistible to us,” she wrinkled her nose replied “Honey, I’m deep into something fascinating, the new Larry McMurtry biography by Tracy Daugherty. It was a Pulitzer finalist last year.” (Take note, Lonesome Dove fans. She was a librarian and knows of which she speaks when it comes to good books.)
Moving on. To Cinco de Mayo. Here’s hoping you, too, ate too many tacos and drank too many margaritas on Cinco de Mayo. I did before I flew up to Boston for Mother’s Day and I swear it was worth it.
I was at my friend Cindy’s party, and I have to say that it was while I was there with my drink of choice, a Paloma, in hand looking out over a sea of men in vibrantly colored linen shirts (okay, well, mostly shades of blue but also pink) and women in ruffled and embroidered dresses that I thought, ”Cinco de Mayo is really a great occasion for a gathering.“ The theme immediately suggests “fun + festive” and nearly everybody likes something on a Mexican buffet.
Putting aside the Paloma’s and margaritas, you can make it healthy, as Cindy did. She made a salsa verde* (so good that I got her recipe for you, below) for her platter of grilled offerings: steak, shrimp and a cornucopia of vegetables. She served a large salad with a lime-infused dressing. She also served pitchers of Ranch Water. (I had shared a recipe for these a couple of years ago in my Notes on Summer Entertaining that still stands.)
And then, of course, there were the less healthy (but worth every bite) platters of enchiladas, tacos and loaded nachos, the margaritas and the Paloma’s.
Ole!
*My Friend Cindy’s Homemade Salsa Verde:
My rough guideline is something like:
2 lb-ish tomatillos 1 white or yellow onion 5ish cloves garlic 3-5 Serrano's or jalapenos, de-seeded
Roast that up with a wee bit of olive oil under the broiler or 500 degree heat until you have a good char.
Mix that in blender with juice from 1-2 limes along with a good handful of cilantro. Add cumin and salt to taste.
Add a habanero or three to the roasting stage if you want more heat.
Note: To make it less sweet, roast only the tomatillos and put the onions, garlic and peppers in raw.
The Financial Realities You Need to Understand If You Are Married (With A Checklist!). Lessons from Belle Burden’s Divorce Memoir. By Dish Stanley
My first story on Belle Burden’s memoir, a week after it came out, was the highest read story in The CRUSH Letter’s history. My second, also widely read. In this one we are focusing on what could be the most important theme of the book for CRUSH Readers, the financial story line.
If Belle Burden’s Memoir Taught Us Anything, It’s That Both Partners in a Marriage Need to Understand Their Financial Picture. So I Talked to Deirdre Prescott, Founder of Sandy Cove Advisors, Who Has Advised Hundreds of Married Couples, As Well as Over 50 Women Going Through Divorce.
To go straight to A Financial Checklist for Couples prepared by Sandy Cove’s Founder Deirdre Prescott, go here.
We will be sharing a Part 2, which will contain a checklist for those anticipating or going through divorce.
“If you ask the questions and ask to be included and ask to understand where the assets are and whose name is on them and they don’t want to tell you, that is a real red flag and you should really talk to a professional and try to understand what is going on in your marriage.”
— Belle Burden (from her interview with Mrs. Dow Jones on the Financial Tea podcast, March 19, 2026)
That’s Belle Burden’s advice to married women two months ago, in March 2026, almost exactly six years to the day after her husband James suddenly left her and their three kids without explanation. Over the two decades they were married she asked no questions at all about their financial picture. Nor did she in the days leading up to their wedding, when James surprised her with an aggressively one-sided rider to their prenup that she signed against the advice of her lawyer. Instead of asking, Belle did the opposite, she acquiesced to James on all major (and minor) financial matters, including signing tax returns that she didn’t read. She also gave him tight control over her spending even though, as a Vanderbilt heir, she brought millions from her inheritance into the marriage. (He brought next to nothing.)
She didn’t ask any question, she admitted in a March episode of the Financial Tea podcast, because “there was something romantic almost about handing [all financial matters] over to him … and he said "I’m going to take care of you …"
"I was," Belle admitted, "willfully naive."
While the size of the estate she and her husband ultimately went to court over — and the finer details of their prenuptial agreement — may differ greatly from yours or mine, the underlying sentiment is far more universal. Many people equate financial dependence with romance: the idea that being "taken care of" financially is a sign of love, while remaining intentionally uninvolved in the family’s financial life feels easier, less stressful, or even comforting.
“Although this wouldn’t be the case for the married couples we advise because we believe it’s important to include both spouses in all the important matters,” says Deirdre Prescott, Founder of Sandy Cove Advisors, “we receive many referrals to represent women on the financial aspects of divorce, advising on the impact to them of dividing the various assets. Among those, we do see a lot of ‘Belle Burden’s,’ women who have minimal to no understanding of their financial realities.”
Strangers became an immediate bestseller when it was published in January of this year, with much of the immediate attention focused on the memoir’s central theme: did she ever really know her mild-mannered, seemingly devoted husband of 20 years, or was he a stranger all along? It is a deeply resonant story of the sudden dissolution of what appeared to be a perfect marriage and family.
But for many readers, and all those who work as financial or legal advisors on family matters, the real question was why Belle, a corporate attorney at a top Wall Street firm, would have agreed to James’s aggressive rider to their prenup over her attorney’s objections? And the real suspense was over how Belle and her ex’s assets would ultimately get split. Would the judge enforce their one-sided prenup?
Continue reading here for the full story, including Sandy Cove Advisors’ Financial Checklist for Married Couples.
Connections, By Text. “Dinner in Palm Beach” by Dish Stanley
Update on My ‘Pink Ostrich Feathers & Other Achievable Goals (from January)’ by Dish Stanley
In January I wrote a piece called “Resolutions I‘m pretty sure I can achieve this year.” It strikes me as I re-read it now, as it no doubt did you, when you first read it five months ago, CRUSHes, that I wasn’t feeling particularly ambitious at the start of the year. I mean, hell, I didn’t even have the guts to title it in initial caps, which is how I title nearly everything. Sure, I was exhausted from my father’s intense care, then death and the immediate aftermath. And I was facing handling all the legal and financial clean-up with and for my mother, who had had a stroke the previous year, along with what turned out to be they physically and emotionally draining project of getting the house that I had bought with my late husband in 2005 on the market.
I guess I figured I’d already have a full, stressful plate.
So right, as it turns out!
And while I want to be easy on myself, I also thought it beneficial to check in on my “achievable resolutions,” given that we are close to the half-way point in 2026.
As you can see from the photo above, I did get my 20+ year old red dress to the tailor with some pink magenta ostrich feathers, and he did add them to the hem and sleeves. I wore it to lunch with a girlfriend in an elegant Upper East Side court and felt fabulous in it! That was the whole point of that particular exercise, so that was a win.
But here’s my full list, and where I stand on it.
To add pink ostrich feathers to the red dress I just rediscovered in my ridiculously, haphazardly organized storage unit. Done, and it’s fab!
To be open to finding a new close friend, or letting one find me. Oh wow, I pretty much did this. Nice! Friendships take a while to develop and we’ll see where this goes, but I’m counting it as a second done thing.
To finish creating my list of favorite shops in Paris. A third done thing. CRUSHes, I shared it with you here.
To master sheet pan pizza topped with mushrooms and pepperoni. One like my sister’s, where the crust is crusty and done, but not too done. TBH, CRUSHes, I tried three times and failed three times. Each try was a different form of failure. I need to ask my sister to show me how she does it again, but she is trying to eat more healthfully and do I really want to take her out of her zone?
To teach Koko how to tell me when she needs to go outside before she starts circling for a spot inside. Making progress.
To say “I’m listening” a lot. Yelp. I forgot about this. Never too late!
To read a book about the history of each of Iran, Russia, India and China. Not even started. Shit.
To organize either my inbox or my storage unit (but not both). Neither. Never even considered.
To generously interpret other people’s otherwise ambiguous actions. Especially my brother’s. I’m wondering whether I can just delete this as a resolution because it’s not happening. Not in 2026. I’m not in the mood for it.
To be more patient with my mother. Hmmmm. In what state of the world did I actually think this was “achievable?”
To approach every date with optimism, an open heart and curiosity. Whose fucking idea was this stupid list, anyway?
And in the full story, below, you shared some of your resolutions with us. How are you doing on yours, CRUSHes?
Dish Stanley
dishing.
things that are getting me off these days.
The terrifically prolific food and reporter Ella Quittner just published her debut cookbook. Or is it a cookbook/food essay thing? It’s hard to define, but it’s great and I love the premise. Obsessed with the Best punctuates her 100 best recipes (each has been tested at least 24 times) with other people, places and things equally obsessed with being “the best.” Ella started her food writing career at Food 52, and has worked as a comedian, too, so she has the right background and attitude to share, and enjoy, food. And life.
Widow’s Bay (Apple TV). Matthew Rhys plays the mayor of a small deadbeat island off the coast of New England that he is trying to rebrand as the next Martha’s Vineyard, but he is thwarted by rumors and signs that the island is haunted. You don’t know whether he’s crazy, or whether the crazy one is the old wizened New Englander who is convinced it’s cursed. Sounds weird and offbeat, and I can’t figure out whether it is a supernatural horror show, or a comedy, but either way, by the second episode I thought there was a lot of potential in this show.
This dominatrix shares a power move you can use when someone pushes your boundaries and I swear, it works! I tried it when one of the potential buyers of my house (which I put up for sale this winter) pushed me too far and I’m never going back.
If you haven’t seen this viral clip of Bob Fosse playing the snake from the 1974 film The Little Prince, then you’ll be startled by how much his moves foreshadow the very famous moves of someone we’re all talking about now. Eerie.
Every time I turn around somebody tells me to read The Palm House, Gwendolyn Riley’s new novel about an enduring friendship between two disappointed middle-aged media types in London, where much of the action takes place over their conversations in pubs. Based on that description, I can see why.
I make myself elaborate meals and then, because I live alone, I freeze them. So I was thrilled that Wirecutter came out with tips on freezing food. I relied heavily on their piece from 2023 on freezing fresh herbs and it’s made a huge difference in my cooking. I used to shy away from buying herbs because I threw so many out before I could use them up. I only wish I had a larger freezer.
Speaking of Wirecutter, I feel I should tell you that the huha panties I love and recommended a couple times this year did not get the highest rating in their recent, extensive panty write-up, which is a useful piece. However, they did a lengthy excerpt on the huha’s and the company’s claims about the value of the zinc in their mineral undies, which they said are not scientifically verifiable. But even still, they reported, the huha’s are “comfortable, breathable, odor-resistant, soft on the skin, and quicker-drying than cotton underwear.” As well as a whole lot of other great things (like non-toxic) that add up to a healthier panty experience.
Song of the Week
Living in the Promiseland by Willie Nelson
Sung live by Chris Stapleton on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert this week
Avid CRUSH Readers know that I’m a Chris Stapleton fan, and this is a moving version of a poignant Willie Nelson ballad, backed only by Willie’s longtime sideman Mickey Raphael on harmonica.
Promiseland was the title song to Willie’s 1986 album. “Give us your tired and weak …” Take a listen if you missed it. It is quintessential unvarnished Chris Stapleton.
I realized while discussing Strangers with friends, as well as going through financial matters with my own mother, that we all have stories involving marriage and finances. I’d love to share yours. Send me an email at Dish@PrimeCrush.com or use the link below.
Enjoy spring!
XO,
Dish
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The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter from Dish Stanley curating articles & intelligence on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?
