things that are getting me off these days.
I know I got a little sentimental last week over the news of Pamela Anderson and Liam Neeson’s relationship. I’m happy for them. Truly. But this captures my deepest fears, ummm, I mean feelings.
I‘ve only eaten at The Polo Bar once — it is, to my mind, NYC’s snobbiest restaurant. And that one time was only owing to the fact that I had run into friends from Los Angeles earlier that day while at lunch at Fred’s (the restaurant at the former Barney’s on Madison Avenue) and they have the cachet to have snagged a day-of reservation for the three of us. (God knows that I don’t.) (Solid food, eye-popping scene, as they say.) I don’t have a lot to say about how juicy The Polo Bar’s burgers are, but I can say this: the lawsuit just filed by the long-time former server Frank Nobiletti is juicy.
Nobiletti‘s suit is primarily aimed at a pervasive culture of sexual harassment and rampant drug use for the staff, but in setting the stage he uncorks an exhaustive list of abuses aimed at customers that create a ”worst nightmare” scenario. He contends, among other things, that the service staff routinely poured themselves glasses of wine from expensive bottles ordered by and uncorked for patrons (they were held “back stage”), increased tip amounts and participated in a “Rating Game” where servers rated the looks of female patrons (pretty much my worst nightmare). Here’s the first paragraph of the Complaint:
“The Polo Bar, which is well-known for its “buzzy” and “cozy” atmosphere, is the very definition of New York exclusive. For most, it is nearly impossible to get a reservation. The restaurant caters to the most wealthy and famous with a long list of regular celebrity customers, including Drew Barrymore, Oprah Winfrey, Jim Cramer, Jennifer Lopez, Conan O’Brien, Nick Jonas, Tom Hanks, the Clintons, Jon Hamm, Aaron Sorkin, Jonathan Tisch, and Alex Rodriguez, to name only a few. While the restaurant and its hard-working staff do everything they can to ensure that their guests have a first class experience, defendants completely failed toguarantee that their employees had a safe and legal work environment.”
The complaint is full of some untasty allegations for sure. It makes me wonder how all their regular celebrity customers are feeling about the place right about now.
There is no way for me to not pick up the book The Parisian by Isabella Hammond after reading Maris Kreitman’s wonderfully detailed account of the experience of reading it herself. Got rave reviews all around when it was published in 2019.
Emily Nunn has been writing a substack entirely dedicated to salads since 2020, which is about how long I’ve been reading it. It’s not only a tribute to salads, but it offers recipes and creative ideas (because otherwise salads could get boring, right?). From her paid archives, she is sharing a free version of one of her most popular recipes, for her version of gazpacho. I’ve made it and I love it. She calls it: A salad that wants to be a soup.
It’s over, thank god. In a letter to fans, Sex and the City and And Just Like That … creator Michael Patrick King announced today that the Sex and the City universe is coming to an end. Those of us who loved SATC and its unrealistic but heartening portrayal of how women have friends, dress for brunch and live in New York, were the ones who hated AJLT the most, I found. We had the most to lose. I left off when Carrie donned her mushroom hat in the latest season’s premier. Carrie had gone from delightfully quirky to annoyingly unhinged, I thought. Fans of the original series will want to see the tribute to Carrie that SJP just posted. If only the sequel was written with half as much care and heart …
Naked Gun is getting solid reviews for Liam Neeson’s deadpan humor and the slyness of casting Pamela Anderson as a femme fatale. ”It’s a good time,” is what I keep reading. I’m jumping on the bandwagon, because don’t we all need a good time right now?
One of my favorite romantic story lines is widowers finding love again. So Pamela Anderson and Liam Neeson coming out as a romantic thing is the best thing that happened to me this week. With his life story (including being widowed after the shocking death of Vanessa Redgrave) and her life story (read our thoughts on her documentary and our review of her recent star turn in The Last Dancer below), what a joyful thing to see all these shots (below, again) of the two of them unabashedly, joyfully enjoying each other.
I’m halfway through Gwyneth, The Biography, by Amy Odell. As everybody keeps mentioning, Paltrow is polarizing. I‘d like to understand why. I neither love nor hate her, but I’m reading the biography to have my own view on something ‘everyone will be talking about,’ and then, also because I have an ex who worked in Hollywood who shared a lot of firsthand stories with me about working with her. She was, he suggested, from very early on (even before she was an actual star) quite aware of her ‘star power,’ and quite willing to lean into it. I wonder how his stories map to the Gwyneth presented in the biography.
I’ll write a review as soon as I’ve finished it, but the first revelation that hit me (page 34/5 is that Gwyneth was a ‘mean girl’ in high school. Did everybody else already know that? I didn’t.
Another thing that surprised me this week? Alt country music legend Lucinda Williams opened a honky tonk bar in the East Village in NYC. Lucinda’s, a “Southern country bar,” will feature weekly bluegrass nights, songwriter open mics, live country performances and country karaoke. Hot damn. I’ll be reporting back.
I want to be her. I absolutely love the uninhibited reactions, not to mention victorious run, of this all-time high scorer on TrackStarShow. If you don’t know TrackStarShow, Jack (the host) plays songs to people on the street who try to name the song and band in what is a running competition. Sue is 60, a soulcycle instructor and former flight attendant, and pretty much the coolest woman you’ve ever seen in your life.
Finally, in a bit of a left turn: fretting over how to take care of your plants when you go on vacation this summer, but don’t want to give the neighbor’s teenager a key to your house? I thought this solution was brilliant.
Ina Garten’s straight-up summer playlist. Right this very minute, as I finish off the 207th (yeowza!) Letter, I am listening to Ina Garten’s just-dropped summer playlist. Ina Garten’s Mini Cooper Ride starts with Willie Nelson and ends with The Chicks and features Johnny Cash, Sheryl Crow, Roy Orbison and Fleetwood Mac along the way. Into it — especially for when I’m tooling around in my mini cooper convertible.
The WSJ’s piece on how everyone should be checking out Cava’s as an alternative to champagne. I discovered Cava’s when I was broke and studying in Spain. Now you can get the good ones here. Bravo!, say I. All the bubbles, fewer bucks.
Martha Stewart says that dinner clubs are back. I haven’t seen this yet in my crowd (have you?), though I wish it were true.
I have a friend in her 80’s who has regaled me with stories of the monthly dinner club she and three girlfriends kept going for over a decade. Back in the mid-80’s Gourmet Magazine ran a column called “Menus for Contemporary Living” Tunie (short for Petunia - she grew up in St. Louis) tells me. That column presented a full multi-course dinner menu with recipes and wine pairings. As soon as a new issue dropped the ladies would meet for lunch (standing date and time — this was pre-internet days) and assign out the various dishes. Advance planning was necessary because often the menu’s required ingredients or spices that needed to be hunted down. The four couples always sat down for dinner on the fourth Saturday of the month, though they took summers off. ”It was an absolute delight, but we stopped it when Gourmet stopped the column even though they came out with a cookbook based on the recipes.”
Bon Appetit’s Grilled Corn Salad with Hot Honey Lime Dressing. Now that I’ve got you thinking about food, I have to share this recipe with you. My sister grilled a lovely July Fourth barbecue for us this year. I was in charge of the herbed grilled corn, but I wish I had this recipe then. Just came across it.
This Whole Lemon Vinaigrette from Food and Wine. It’s so light and tangy and summery. And easy.
The Ooni Koda 2 outdoor gas pizza oven. OMG, it’s amazing. My friend has one and she had a large crowd over while I was staying with her. One night we did a pizza and salad night by the pool. First off, it was so fun. Secondly, it was absolutely delicious. Such a hit with everyone. She says she does it all the time throughout the summer. CRUSHes, she makes her own dough and her own pizza sauce. (I am getting her dough and pizza sauce recipes, don’t worry.) She then tops the za’s with a variety of crowd favorites. In the meantime, though, the important thing about this Ooni is that it gets hot enough to properly cook the dough.
I’m inspired by reading this story about one CRUSH Reader’s race to help girls build confidence and resiliency. Girls on the Run Miami teaches girls how to thrive by blending physical activity with life skill development, including managing emotions, fostering friendships and expressing empathy. Diane says the reason she loves it is because “it teaches girls that they can do hard things.” Learn more about GOTR Miami on its website here, and support it by donating here.
If I were in NYC May 31-June 1st, I would go to Letters Live at Town Hall. It’s that wonderful thing where famous celebrities (unannounced in advance) take the stage to read touching letters, and I love it’s instagram feed. One of my favorites is Peter Dinklage reading this love letter to NYC. Get tickets here.
This is the real reason I’ve never tried a threesome. One woman’s story of hers, from Vogue. My confidence could not stand up to that.
Terry Reach is a whole thing now. A number of you sent me this article from the NYT by Terry Reach, How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me (thank you!). Fascinating, since Reach is a couples’ therapist. Then this week I listened to him being interviewed by Tim Ferris and whoa! I stopped dead in my tracks more than once. A few times in the podcast Ferris annoyed, a couple times Reach annoyed, but all in do I think I picked up some tools and insights that might make me a better partner or friend? Absolutely.
Kate Fogarty talks to Vanessa Cornell about female friendship on her podcast A Certain Age. Cornell was a self-described overachiever in school, her career and mothering (she had five kids in six years, CRUSHes) and then hit a breaking point. She shares how she re-built her life by, in part, forming thoughtfully considered groups of women friendships. She’s now a coach who also leads retreats. Find out more on her website here.
You wonder why I write about so many songs from the 70’s-90’s in my Song of the Week column? Here’s your answer. In fascinating study, neuroscientists reveal the unique impact of nostalgic music on the brain.
"While there have been a good many men in my life, there has only ever been one woman …" So begins Barry Diller’s telling of his love story with Diane von Furstenberg (NY Magazine). It was a thrill to read: fabulous writing style, full of candid and often vulnerable admissions, like the one of their first encounter: "She looked through me like cellophane, and I left that night thinking that after her casual obliviousness and Egon’s [that is Prince Egon von Furstenberg, Diane’s husband at the time] put-down, nothing could ever induce me to see either of them again.“ Much less vulnerable but every bit as eye-opening is the glimpse you get into their first-tier jet setting lifestyle. I do not understand the criticisms of their choice to be together in the way in which they have been together for 50 years (married for 24), since clearly they have created a loving, successful, supportive relationship and family life. When people throw around the phrase “own your life” or “inhabit your life,” this is what they mean.
Their story reminded me of our TOPIX series, which includes first-hand stories on how we are choosing to live and love at this stage and, in particular, Mike Johnson’s story My Marital Arrangement.
Are you barrel jean curious? When I wrote about seeing Michelle Williams at that club with clout in the West Village recently quite a few of you took a look at the barrel jeans from Citizens of Humanity that resembled what I said she was wearing. So I feel I should tell you about these olive barrel jeans from the GAP that have a similar shape and are on sale for $53.00, while they last.
A list of New York City’s best beauty spots might be useful (From The Cut). It includes my regular haunt, Zitomer’s.
While we’re on the topic of reading, did everybody else already know that Sarah Jessica Parker is a newly appointed Booker Prize judge? It’s a role that requires her to read 200 books a year, which translates to her often reading six to ten hours per day. I learned it when I came across this video of SJP being interviewed by BUSTLE for their One Nightstand column. That’s a column where they interview celebrities on their favorite books. I feel petty admitting it, but I have often found SJP annoying. Overly crafted, if you will. But less so here. I loved her book selections, and I really loved how she talked about them. Also: you know who I never find annoying and who was featured in another One Nightstand? Sharon Horgan, whose interview is wonderful.
Is anybody else as finicky about their stamps as I am? (In my defense, I still write physical letters and send cards, especially to my Mother.) If you are too, then you might be as delighted as I am over these baby wild skunk stamps that the USPS just released. I can’t wait to get mine.
A show for us middle-agers! Four Seasons, if you haven’t heard yet, is a Tina Fey production about couples in their fifties and has everything you’d expect from the genre: marital ennui, feeling boxed in by your choices (marital/professional/otherwise), age-related medical issues, a ‘trade up (?)’ to a younger girlfriend, long-term friendships. It’s good/pretty good, not great, but enjoyable almost entirely for being so very on point. Here’s the trailer.
In this In Depth interview with Graham Bensinger, Jay Leno talks about caring for his wife who has advanced stage dementia (starting at 1:45:13). As you know, my sister’s husband just passed away (at 61) and had advanced stage dementia, so I found this interesting.
I’m giddy over all the marital bitterness that Benedict Cumberbatch and Olivia Coleman show for each other in the trailer for The Roses, an update of The War of the Roses. But damn, I’ll have to wait for August for its release.
And then there’s Bonjour Tristesse. The remake of this coming of age story is shot on the French seaside in summer and the stars include Chloe Sevigny. I keep seeing the phrase ”complicated female relationships“ in descriptions of the film. It’s enough to add up to me trying to fit it into my already packed upcoming week end. Only playing in super indie flicks at the moment, making it that much harder to fit in.
How cool is the photo by Chantal Pinzi, of Shradda Gaikwad, an Indian skateboarding champ? You can see the other remarkable photos in the link above.
I’ve been watching Dying for Sex (Hulu). I will have more to say on this in next week’s Letter when I finish the series, but I have so many thoughts. Michelle Williams is absolutely perfect (divine, really) in the role of the lead Molly, who decides to live authentically and big — and to fully claim her life — when she learns her death from cancer is right around the corner. I had listened to the podcast that this series was based on, which was produced and written by her best friend, and loved it. More next week, CRUSHes.
Have you checked out John Hamm’s latest Your Friends and Neighbors (Prime Video and Apple TV+)? What do you think? I am hoping that it is just starting out slow, and am committed to keep watching it because the story line has loads of potential, but it is — surprisingly — so ‘not great.’ When it should be great. The writing is not great, the production quality isn’t great. It’s just not great. So far. Fingers crossed.
You know what is surprisingly ‘great”? Towards Zero (Britbox by BBC). It is a stylish, sexy Agatha Christie (not kidding!) mystery centered on a love triangle. Hot. Gorgeous. Anjelica Houston as an aging dowager, is worth it alone.
Flight Thefts. Having just returned from a long flight, I found this PSA about thefts on flights relevant and eye-opening. I’ve never had anything stolen from me on a flight, so I don’t want to overreact but this is not something that was on my radar in any significant way. I usually carry my passport, driver’s license, credit cards and cell phone in a discrete, low-key black waist travel pouch that I keep on me during flights. I’ve had mine for years so I can’t find a link to it, but it is similar to this one from Pacsafe. It is not a chic designer pouch. That’s purposeful! My goal when I travel is to not look rich & glitzy! To not call attention to myself. To look sharp, understated and kinda stylish and cool but definitely not rich.
Also, I wear my waist travel pack under a loose, zippable leisure (meaning sweatshirt-like) tunic — like the AirEssentials Full Zip Tunic I told you about last week. The reason I got that tunic in particular is that you can unzip it from the bottom up (as well as from the top down), giving a little more room if you need it for the waist pack.
I am a freak about safety when I travel. I have been mugged and I have had valuables (a Cartier watch, an Armani blazer) stolen (from my hotel room — in a well-regarded, upscale hotel). I have had valuables stolen from checked bags (golf clubs, a designer purse, an Hermes scarf, etc.). I love to travel and have adopted an obsessively considered approach to it around safety and convenience that includes packing light, not checking luggage, not bringing valuables and a low-key look that is, I hope, sharp and upscale. You can read more in my Travel Tips You May Not Know piece, which is below in the Some Past Related Articles Section. (I need to update that this week to address flight theft. I update it regularly.)
One More PSA: A good reminder that men need male friends from Orion Taraban’s PsycHacks series. But solving the loneliness crisis for men may require men, and the women who love them, to make a mindset change.
On Broadway. Staying on the topic of loneliness: on my way to New Zealand I spent a couple of days in New York with a girlfriend and we caught the play Maybe Happy Ending. It asks questions like why bother loving if it’s going to end? That sounds sad, but the production is a surprise - clever, sly, funny, humorous and we both loved it.
Live Comedy. Another night, we checked out the line-up at Rodney’s Comedy Club on the upper east side. It has recently reopened after a revamp — it was formerly Rodney Dangerfield’s club — and it’s still finding its legs. The crowd was small and the comedians were uneven, but we agreed we’d definitely go again. The rawness and intimacy of seeing somebody step up to give it a go was a thrill. They’re making themselves so vulnerable. It was also interesting to break down what worked and what didn’t on our walk home after. We both said that we felt a lot of feelings while watching the acts — yes, humor, but also empathy and inspiration for those getting on stage. We both love funny things and thought that going to these was a good way to incorporate more humor into our every day lives. So here’s a belt out for going to your luck comedy club.
A Funny Comedian. We were in the mood to watch more live comedy after Rodney’s and started Leanne Morgan’s I’m Every Woman show on Netflix when we got home. We said we were only going to watch a few minutes, but we were enjoying it so much that we watched the whole thing. She’s funny. Very relatable. We agreed we’d love to be in the audience for her new tour Just Getting Started. Follow her on insta here.
I have used a matchmaker, so I have lots of thoughts on the piece that dropped yesterday in The Cut on matchmakers to the ultra wealthy. I’ll share more on the benefits of working with a matchmaker and whether it’s really worth it in an upcoming Letter, but in the meantime, I’m all in for this glimpse into how it’s done for the billionaire class.
Speaking of dating, as I told you earlier this month, I had a lovely conversation with Michele Lamoureux on dating and relationships in midlife for an upcoming episode of her podcast The Good Life. Michele told me that that episode might air as early as this week, so subscribe to The Good Life if you want to hear it as soon as it drops. And fingers crossed that I come off sounding good. I’m a little nervous about it.
Oh, and what are you doing Sunday night? I’ll be watching Season 3 of The White Lotus on Max. Thailand, poking fun at wellness culture and luxury tourism and three long term friends on a girls’ trip? That’s a seething cauldron I can’t miss.
Another thing I’ll be doing this week end? Watching the third (and, we hope, final) drop in the Bridget Jones series (on Peacock). How can I not? I mean it is — I gather from the trailer and various general humming — that it is a “middle-aged woman getting her groove back after serious loss” story (right up my alley, CRUSHes!). And, Hugh Grant and Emma Thompson are back. I love them. I’ll report back!
For Valentine’s month, The Criterion Collection has pulled together a list of the films that make up the best New York Love Stories. Watching these would be a great way to spend time with a squeeze this month. Even their teaser is a nostalgic thrill.
Thanks to the many CRUSH Readers who forwarded this week’s NYT article Why Gen X Women Are Having the Best Sex of Their Lives.
I love this dating advice, which I heard years ago and try to follow religiously. It is best to force yourself to create options before prematurely settling in on one person. It allows you to take the pressure off the feeling that this one thing needs to work out.
I have a lot to say about how great Season 2 of Shrinking was, but one of the reasons was the thrill of watching Harrison Ford as Paul Rhoades, a behavioral therapist. Harrison Ford Is Still Full of Surprises is a fun feature on the actor from WSJ Magazine. Remember that before he was Luke Skywalker, Ford was the carpenter who took forever to finish a deck on Joan Didion and John Gregory Dunne’s home in Malibu? We learned that in the documentary on Didion by her nephew Griffin Dunne.
Meanwhile, speaking of Didion, what do we think about the ethics around posthumously publishing the diaries of famous writers who were famously private, under circumstances where there is ambiguity about whether they would want their private journals published? I ask, of course, because diaries of Didion that were found in a filing cabinet years after her death are being published in April. Notes to John cover intimate details of her marriage, her therapy sessions and her fraught relationship with her depressed, alcoholic, deceased daughter.
Back when it first came out, CRUSH Reader Rachel wrote in for our DEVOUR column to tell us that she was devouring SHOGUN. Thanks to her, I became obsessed with it too. My obsession (and evidently Rachel’s) feels validated by all the awards it garnered from the Emmy’s. For those of you who haven’t checked it out yet, I’m re-running Rachel’s DEVOUR here.
From CRUSH Reader Rachel. Watch. The remake of Shōgun (Hulu and FX). Slight new twist on a classic we grew up watching, a compelling drama and a good romance with tension. It is an epic journey, and I started listening to a couple of podcasts on the show that provided a lot of additional insight and background, and they added rich layers to the show. There is an official FX podcast and there is also Mangum Talks TV, where the host covers every episode from a reviewer’s perspective.
Actress Maria Bello wrote the most touching piece on the same theme that we cover in our Quiver series — looking back on our first love all these many years later, and what it meant in our lives — in the New York Times.
Asking “what are you most grateful for in your life right now?” and other solid first date advice for those of us out there in the wild, wild world of dating, in the GOOP newsletter.
This is crazy, but the world is about to be treated to some new Mozart scores, according to The Guardian.
An iconic 85-year old Bergdorf personal shopper knows a lot about people, and it all comes out in this wonderful article from The New Yorker’s archives. “You listen, you prescribe—clothes are a fix—and you hold up a mirror. Most people can’t see themselves.”
I am on a tear to learn how to be funnier, so even though David Sedaris says he’s not exactly sure why the Pope invited him and a bunch of the other funniest comedians on the planet to meet with him at the Vatican, I know why. Not to laugh, thinks me (though that would be a natural outcome), but to learn how to make others laugh. Anyway, Sedaris’s hysterical account of the whole weird thing is in (of course) The New Yorker.
The brilliance of Slow Horses has not let up a tiny bit and its Season 4 has (yet again) dropped to resounding praise, as you can read in this piece from reviewer Tom’s Guide.
Because a good reminder is a good thing, here’s how those who master longstanding love do it, from The Atlantic.
“A REMINDER TO SUBMIT YOUR FIRST WEEK ATTENDANCE TO THE REGISTRAR, IN THE STYLE OF CORMAC McCARTHY’S ALL THE PRETTY HORSES,” is a short, clever, slyly humorous and utterly on point diversion, from McSweeney’s Internet Tendency.
Since I’m uncertain as to the overlap of Phish fans with GQ readers in a venn diagram, for those of you devoted to Phish you’ll want to read about this guy who recently spent four days with them, from GQ.
And lastly, you don’t have to be a fan of either Anna Wintour or Naomi Campbell to chuckle over how the recent contretemps between these two divas is absolutely quintessential Anna and quintessential Naomi, from TMZ.
A nuanced consideration of the darkness that underlay Kate Spade’s witty style, from WSJ Style.
How the relationship between Harper and Eric from Industry became the most fascinating one on television, from The Guardian.
A definitive guide to the fair way to split the bill at a restaurant, from Bon Appetit.
Extremely detailed notes on hiking the Dolomites, from Ann Friedman’s substack Culture Study.
An easy, perfect, delicious no-cook pasta recipe for your in-season tomatoes, from Epicurious.
For fans of the dark Irish comedy Bad Sisters, there’s good news about a Season 2 (finally), from Deadline.
While there is no trailer yet, Apple TV+ plus released this photo “teaser” of Season 2.
I Started Nate Silver’s Latest Book on Risk. Silver’s thesis in On the Edge is that most of the richest people in the world are rich because they are big risk takers (okay, that’s not a new theory: the idea that ‘the greater the risk, the bigger the reward’ has been around), but he extends that to argue that the rest of us — 90% of of the world — would be improving outcomes across a wide range of personal and professional areas in our lives if we took a lot more calculated risks. We just need to know how to improve at risk-taking. Through interviews with an array of successful (and some failed) risk-takers, the hope is that we’ll learn.
I Also Bought This Memoir Written by an Escort Worker. In CRUSH Letter No 170, I told you that the excerpt in The Cut from An Honest Woman caught my attention because it is focused on the escort’s married clients and their relationships, rather than on her and/or her relationship with her client. Meaning, it has the possibility of giving insight on the primary romantic relationship her clients’ are in. I am curious about that: the reasons for marital infidelity, how that infidelity is “managed” by the couple (openly and directly, open but ignored, or as a secret), the client’s feelings about ”outsourcing” (so to speak) that element to a paid sex worker. Well, now book is out.
The Only Reason to Watch Season 4 of Emily In Paris Is to See Sylvie. I find Emily herself to be uncompelling: predictable and garishly dressed, not in a fun way. But Sylvie is an inspiration. I wrote Merci! to Emily In Paris for One of the Most Compelling Women in Pop Culture. Sylvie. Sylvie is the reason to check out Season 4. Let’s just hope her story moves closer to center stage.
And, I Can’t Wait for the Upcoming Clooney+Pitt Male Bonding Flick. I love to see all kinds of depictions of friendships at the stage — whether among men, among women or coed/mixed up. And Wolfs has potential, don’t you think?
Having Said That, I’m Bracing Myself for the Next Season of This Midlife Female Bonding Series. I’m not sure I even finished the last season of RHONY. Honestly, I can’t remember anything that happened after seeing Jenna Lyons’s closet, except that there were a lot of annoying product pushes by its stars. That won’t stop me from checking out the newest season when it airs.
I love this quick televised interview with the great French actor Alain Delon. And not just because when asked (at the end) what animal he’d like to be reincarnated as he responds, immediately, with “a malinois. It’s a Belgian Shepherd.” (And that’s what my dog is.) I love that he does not come across as studied or overly pondering - he responds naturally and with ease. For instance, his response to one of the first questions he is asked “Favorite drug?” Is “L’amour.” (Love.) So French. And so true. It’s a drug, for sure.
Wondering how polyamory became so popular? I wasn’t, but how could you not notice it? I started seeing it ever since I saw Tim Ferriss’s 2015 twitter post asking: “If you’ve had a winning “polyamorous” relationship, how the fuck did you make it work?” A year after that I was at a (professional!) cocktail party in Silicon Valley when not one, but three, tech executives “let it drop” that they were polyamorous (followed by a lengthy pause, apparently giving me an opportunity to respond). Anyway, if you were wondering about why, Jennifer Wilson reviews American Poly, a new book by Christopher M. Gleason, for the New Yorker. Along the way, Wilson does a scan of recent pop culture for all the loaded references to this lifestyle choice increasingly popular with those from Park Slope to San Francisco.
Rich Dudes Driving in Circles is an excellent podcast episode to listen to if you (like, ahem, some of us) were thrown off by the whole F1 thing. In it host Anne Helen Peterson of Culture Study talks with Nicole Washington about what’s behind the rich dude F1 craze that started for a lot of people with Netflix’s Drive to Survive over the pandemic. (You can listen to it with a free 7-day trial.)
People have gone crazy for Saltburn (Prime Video), the ultra stylish, sinister British class film by Emerald Fennell, even (uncomprehendingly) comparing it favorably to one of the best movies of the nineties The Talented Mr. Ripley. It‘s too long by at least a half hour, but what’s worse is that the last half of it collapses into something resembling more of the 1976 Carrie horror film. The best scenes start (and end) with Rosamund Pike’s off-hand upper-crust cruelty about 40 minutes through. My suggestion is to take it from there and fast-forward all the way through to the end, when Barry Keoghan (as the newly triumphant Oliver Quick) closes the movie with a hypnotic, sexy, nude dance scene (and what a body).
Murder in Boston: Roots, Rampage and Reckoning (Max) is a documentary produced and directed by Jason Hehir (of The Last Dance) that wrestles with the well-deserved reputation Boston has long had as one of the country’s most racist cities. It examines the city’s systemic racism through the lense of Carol Stuart’s murder by her husband, which was falsely pinned by him (and then the police, media and politicians) on “a black man in a track suit.” I just moved out of Boston after twenty years, and I remember reading the Pulitzer winning Common Ground about Boston’s turbulent busing decade when I arrived in 2001 and thinking the same thing then I felt after finishing Murder in Boston: “holy shit, can this city still really be that tribal?”
Speaking of Flight of the WASP, (well, not right this moment, but we were in The CRUSH Letter No 138 because it is on Dish’s Bookshop “shelf” Up Next: On Dish’s Nightstand, this story from Messy Nessy, complete with archive photo’s on New York’s Forgotten Outpost of European Aristocracy, is a fascinating look at the history of Gardiner Island in Long Island.
My good friend Nina and I started playing backgammon regularly from afar using the cool Backgammon NJ HD app. One of us sends an invite to the other through the app, and then, if we’re both free we also call and chat over speaker phone while playing. It really feels like being together.
The PBS documentary The Gilded Age (from 2018) is delightful, gossipy, informative look at the world covered far less compellingly in HBO’s series. If you want to know what really went down during this fascinating, volatile, formative period in America’s social and economic history, check out PBS’s full American Experience treatment.
The Most Beautiful Book Cover Art of 2023. A great book cover evokes the tension of the story itself, while startling us with catchy graphic design. Here are two of my favorites, but the full list is gorgeous.
Film at Lincoln Center published its Film Comment list of Best Films of 2023. I haven’t seen most of them (lots of esoterica here), so in some sense it’s aspirational? But I did see May December, its number one film of the year, which I had told you earlier I thought was “exquisitely well-acted.” And creepy as shit. Scorsese’s Killers of the Flower Moon was on the top of a lot of the individual lists contributed by critics I admire to Film Comment, as were Anatomy of a Fall, Past Lives And The Boy and the Heron (all on my list).
Radical Wolfe, the documentary on American writer Tom Wolfe, is now out on Netflix. When it aired in theaters in NYC this past fall I wrote this to a friend: “It covers a bibliography of his life and major works, putting both into cultural context (of the period, as well as situating him outside of New York intellectual elite circles). There is some great footage, since he was in the media so much. Lots on his brilliantly written 1970 piece skewering the fundraiser the Bernsteins threw for the Black Panthers. But at 100 minutes there’s too much ground to cover. (In contrast, the Didion documentary was 40 minutes longer, though she was not nearly the cultural blockbuster). So it is an appreciative, fun and entertaining, but I’d argue, thin treatment.”
The Atlantic Theater’s off-Broadway production of Buena Vista Social Club is a fun, joyous ride, raking in great reviews. It is the musical story behind the wildly popular original album released in 1997, which inspired a critically-acclaimed 1999 documentary by Wim Wenders. Written by playwright Marco Ramirez, the new theater production was a thrill to watch, agreed me and my friend Philip, as we walked out. The fine music and dancing carry the narrative, which is more of a backdrop.
Kendall Roy is a teenage girl and that‘s why women love him. From The Face‘s ”best of” articles, this one dissecting the millenial tik tok “love” of Kendall Roy is incisive and fun. “A chunky subset of the always-online world loves and nurtures the media mogul’s second eldest, hopeful inheritor of dad’s “dinosaur” media empire. To them, Kendall (played by Jeremy Strong) is a misunderstood teenage girl – a baby girl or Kendoll, whichever feels cringiest to you. They stan him with the ferocity of the BTS Army …
Picture a montage of Kendall’s most vulnerable moments on the show, each one embodying the overwhelming “please, just love me” mood of a volatile teen girl.“
Sex & Good, which sells good sex products, just published this post These habits are bad for your V. And it’s good, but it’s missing one thing. Bad lube. And by that I mean lube that has bad ingredients in it. Please, CRUSHes, check the ingredients in your lubes. I write about what to avoid, and which safe lubes our PrimeCrush Toy Testers like in Everything’s Better Wetter.
The Crush Letter
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