In Part 1 of Tell Me More, Dish shares an ode to sexting and its many uses, including how to make up after conflict. We recommend you read Foria’s ‘Totally Useful Guide to Sexting’ to get the 101’s of establishing expectations, consent, checking in and agreeing on what can (and cannot be done) with your sexts after the fact. Here Dish reveals more about her personal style and shares some sext snippets and sensual words to inspire your own sexting.
Start with Part 1 of Tell Me More: Dish’s Ode to Sexting
Good sexting is really just showing you’re interested–especially interested–in the person receiving your sext. And as I shared in Part 1 of Tell Me More, there are as many ways to be great at sexting as there are to be a great communicator. When sexting that means thinking about your sexting partner very particularly.
Remember this from Part 1 of Tell Me More:
- Think about the receiver (“your partner,” for these purposes) very specifically.
- What do they do/like/feel proudest of about themselves and/or their bodies.
- What can you think of with specificity that you’ve done together? What did they laugh at, enjoy, not like?
- Pay close attention to how they respond by text–single words/one-liners or extended paragraphs–and consider whether you want to mimic them (to create or keep a rhythm going or want to break that up (to create abrupt excitement).
- Notice whether they use visual words, sensual-sounding words, lots of active verbs or straightforward nouns. Those are clues to what they like “sextually” (and probably other things about “their language” for all kinds of communication).
Use:
- The ellipsis (“...”) to strategically leave something to the imagination, catch a breath yourself, let your partner catch a breath or to create anticipation.
- A strategic pause — maybe followed by “ahhh, had to catch my breath” — to create tension.
- Words like "ummmmm" and "hmmmm" when you want to be more suggestive than explicit.
If you don’t know the person you’re sexting well, of course that means asking what could be an increasingly intense series of “what do you like” or “would you like {offer a suggestion}” series of questions. It could go like this:
“Imagine we’re sitting at a corner table of your favorite restaurant. How would it feel if I gently brushed my hand against your leg?”
And then it could be “Oh, you like that, huh? What if I rested it there for a bit, and then traveled up? And rested it there for a bit and… Well, you get the gist of where I’m going.”
You might want to test out whether they prefer for you to be the more graphic one or whether they want to get in on the action by saying: “And when my hand got hot, I mean really hot, what would you want me to do?”
Of course the above questions work just as well for somebody you already know. But if you know them — if they are a long-term partner, then you want to get very detailed about them. Here are some tips:
Compliment/talk about their characteristics (physical or otherwise) very specifically:
Say: Your skin is as pale and smooth as those leather gloves you put on to drive the golf ball, and I love how sensitive it is when I start running my fingers across your inner thigh. You twitch ever so slightly when you’re turned on.
Rather than: I love to touch your big cock / juicy vulva.
Say: I love how I can tell that you’re getting turned on by the way your breathing builds up, from deep and full to hot and needy. When you rolled me over I swear you were panting. Hungry.
Rather than: I love it when your hard cock gets so hard / your juicy vulva gets so wet.
Say: You tasted creamy and rich and tart and kinda sweet, kind of like the key lime pie we had in Sarasota last winter.
Rather than: I love your sweet cum.
Say: Let’s start by imagining that we are putting on some Marvin Gaye. Because I know you love Marvin Gaye.
Say: I picked up the sexiest, most literate collection of short stories I could find. Because I know your favorite thing is for me to read you very well-written smut. Here’s the first line: …
An exception to the “sext as an improv collab” (and a favorite type of sext personally) is the "drive-by sext” — where a reply isn't expected or required. It’s a powerful way to tell someone they are wanted while minimizing disruption, not imposing on them if it’s a bad time for them to sext back or just giving them the space to consider.
Reminder: Expectations. Sexting is asynchronous. When you’ve just “opened up a sext line” on your end, you never know what someone has going on in the moment on their end (work crisis, bad personal news or in line at the grocery store). You don’t know who is around them (professional colleagues, kids). Starting it up, it’s best to think of it as a “send it out, expect nothing back” thing. By all means try not to take it as rejection if they don’t respond quickly, or even that day. Just because you were in the mood in that moment doesn’t mean it was a moment that worked for them.
As the recipient of a sext that comes at a bad time for you, a good practice is to reply when you can with a simple: “Thanks for that - thoroughly enjoyed - caught me in a meeting and now I’m on the run.”
A great sext for extended foreplay is the “what you’re going to do to me / what I’m going to do to you” next time I see you sext.
A variation of the above is “what I did to you / you did to me” sext.
In Part 3 of Tell Me More, I’ll be offering examples of sexting scripts and sexy words to get your imagination flowing. But here’s a tease:
Get the sexting conversation started:
"Wanna know what turns me on the most about you?"
“Hello (as in hello! 💦). You there?”
“I’m just licking an ice cream cone over here. Yummm. Creamy. What are you up to?”
“Just stepped out of the shower. Ummmmm, got a few minutes?”
“Can’t stop thinking about running my fingers through your gorgeous, thick, wavy gray hair. Sexy. Do the poker guys hate you because your hair is so beautiful?”
Creating anticipation for date night
“Can’t wait to be with you, babe.”
“I’m squirming in my seat thinking about tonight.”
“Silky. Warm. Wet. Throbbing. Need you.”
“Want to meet at the bar as a ‘blind date’? I’ll be Roxy, a cabaret performer whose first important gig is later tonight. Nervous. You?”
Did you know that there’s an app specifically for sexting? Amorus is a relationship intimacy app that provides tips and games to encourage more skilled, creative, and private sexting. We “hooked up” with its Founder Elizabeth Dell, read more here.
The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter from Dish Stanley curating articles & intelligence on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?
