The Crush Letter No 39: Gratefulness+Giveaway

. 8 min read

I'm Dish and I write a weekly newsletter about friendship, love and sex for a post-40's community.  Because honestly we're hotter than ever.  Yeah, you.  Especially you.  You're hot as hell.  Hell yes, sign me up for the Dish.

Hello Crush,

We're giving thanks.

What feels important to you now more than ever?

For me, it's the people I'm grateful for.  I am meditating on that this weekend.  Looking for ways to bring that appreciation into how I make them feel when they're around me.

I'm grateful for you, dear CRUSH Readers, for being here, for giving The Crush Letter a place in your Saturday.  And for believing that what you've got going on with your friends, partners and lovers matters enough to your happiness and well-being, and theirs, to spend your Saturday mornings contemplating that.

With all this gratefulness, I am so pleased to announce that we are partnering with Good Intentions Crystal Candle Co. and, because of their generosity, offering the loving-est giveaway to our readers.  It's a way to act on the gratefulness you might be feeling and pass it on.  Like pumpkin pie.

Send us 150 to 300 words on somebody you are grateful for.  The first five in my inbox will get published in an upcoming issue and receive a candle from the Good Intentions Candle Co.  These candles have magical crystals in them and are loaded up with positive manifestations.  Which I know we need in multitudes right now.

Read more about the candles and Founder Lulu Rose in our Hook Ups below.

For the giveaway, you could write about a friend, somebody you know only a little but think deserves a shout-out or even somebody you don’t know at all - somebody you witnessed perform a kind gesture that spread - like butter over Alison Roman's creamy buttermilk potatoes (wow!), igniting more and more joy.  This happened to me recently on the subway in New York City.  I saw a crisply dressed, slim, and stately New Yorker (probably mid-50's) get up out of his seat when an elderly woman got on.  He gestured, offering her his seat as well as his hand to lean on to walk through the buzzing train.  She sat.  We all (fellow subway riders) saw it and felt better, nodded to each other, smiled.  And geez, don’t you know but a pregnant woman got on at the next stop, and another gentleman, dressed in jeans, a hoodie, and the latest Adidas sneakers (maybe 25) stood up and said “Hey, you want my seat?”  I felt like placing one of those long-shot personal ads in the New York Daily News: "To the well-dressed gentleman wearing the olive-colored loden duster on the #4 train who offered your seat just north of Union Square.  Are you single? …”

I really should write one about Jessica, the woman who does my hair (cut+highlights).  Not just because I get so many compliments on my hair.  I don’t know how she does it, but I always sit down in her chair feeling harried and frumpy and leave it a couple of hours later feeling rested, energized, and sexy.  Actually, I do know how she does it.  Jessica really listens.  If I mention something about a friend, she’ll say “Yeah, is she through her chemo?” (Remembering from our last visit.).  She’ll notice my energy level.  She’ll recommend a book specifically relevant to me.  Ask me whether I like Season 2 of Sex Education as much as Season 1.  The point is, in addition to transforming my looks, she makes me feel special.  Like I'm worth paying attention to.  So I guess I do know how it is that I leave feeling transformed, but I don’t know how she can do this for so many people.  Give so wholeheartedly and attentively.  I’d be so exhausted from just standing for a whole day, but here she is client after client making us feel important to her.

So, there I just did it.  I wrote two.  In under ten minutes.  Over 100 words each.  Easy.  These are a couple of the people I am thankful for.  (One being someone I’d actually want to go on a date with, but anyway.)  What about you?

Oh, and consider this.  If you're one of the first five to send in your submission you could have the candle sent to you or the person you're grateful for. Email your submission to:

In This Letter.  +Hook Ups: Meet Lulu Rose, Founder of Good Intentions Crystal Candle Co. I’m covered in PPE treating patients in a hospital setting, and at night I douse myself in wax and rocks to calm down.  +Her Dinner With Andre. By Lisa Ellex. My first thought was to call in a bomb scare to her building. +Dear Dish. I got letters. Going through a divorce requires incredible stamina and emotional intelligence. +Our Song of The Week.  I got you babe.

Hook Ups: Meet Lulu Rose, Founder of Good Intentions Crystal Candle Co.

“Hook Ups” is an ongoing feature introducing our readers to some of our favorite entrepreneurs and small business owners.

Humorously explain your job.

During the day, I’m covered in PPE treating patients in a hospital setting, and at night I douse myself in wax and rocks to calm down. I actually felt called to start this business last year during the pandemic, when I thought to myself, “My goodness, I need to do something for a living that’s not traumatic!”

For how many years?

I started Good Intentions in February of 2021. Outside of the business, I have been a licensed Substance Abuse Counselor and Board-Certified Music Therapist for nearly three years, and have been a performing singer-songwriter for over ten years.

How do you infuse your products with good vibes?

Every one of my candles is made individually by hand. When I am working on a batch, I make sure to create a calm and safe environment: I burn palo santo, play good music, and light my own candles. I also practice a Reiki ritual prior to touching any of my products, so that everything I touch is infused with loving and healing energy. Additionally, I cleanse all my items with palo santo smoke, and all of my water-friendly crystals are cleansed in our Moonwater as well.

Continue reading here

Her Dinner With Andre.  By Lisa Ellex

A writer recalls her mother’s touching and generous offer to cook dinner for members of her building’s staff, thereby creating a community filled with connection and friendship.

Hard as I try, I cannot think of a cook worse than my mother.

At age 14, I took over in our kitchen as I could no longer decipher my mother’s abstract meal offerings. What’s more, the newly-released Swedish food pyramid had hipped me to the fact that my mother’s meals yielded little nutritional value and LOTS of calories. How I lived to the ripe, old age of 14, I’ll never know.

When my mother retired from her government job as a paralegal, she moved to a New York City apartment building with over 1,000 units. She often bragged about the sizable building staff that was on call 24/7, and how they would happily replace a lightbulb, even at 2:00 a.m. As the Christmas season neared, my mom wanted to show her appreciation to the building personnel, but with a staff so large, cash gifts were prohibitive for her. When she told me she had sent personal invitations to each member of the staff, requesting their company at a “home-cooked dinner for two”, my first thought was to call in a bomb scare to her building. Instead, I decided to leave it to fate.

Continue reading here

Dear Dish.

{We've Gotten Some Love Notes We Wanted To Share. Thank You D and Craig}

Dear Dish,

"The Crush Letter No. 38: The Divorce Issue was a super issue.
On divorce … like preparing one’s body for surgery, I should have read up on the how to’s and variations and impacts of divorce and prepared myself to enter it with meditation, yoga etc. Instead, I avoided its trauma by hanging with old beaus and being distracted from managing the emotional changes. I escaped versus engaging. Perhaps my ex could not engage (emotional issue) and that is what broke us. So I pulled back and protected myself but this wasn’t healthy as I lost my sense of real feeling and deep connection. Going through a divorce requires incredible stamina and emotional intelligence. I should have prepared for it versus letting it explode. Thanks for addressing it head-on.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving."

An Avid Crush Reader

Dear Dish:

"Just read the new Crush Letter [No 38: The Divorce Issue} and f*cking love it! Divorce is one of the transitions we’re diving into on the pod this week."

Craig Sweeney”CRUSH Reader + Chief Instigator @over50badass”

Song of the Week.

I Got You Babe (1965).  In 1965 Sonny & Cher has just released their debut studio album Look at Us.  The first single to hit number one on the Billboard Hot 100 (anyone remember the significance of that?) I Got You Babe, became the married couple's biggest hit and "signature song."  The song was written by Sonny a year after Bob Dylan's It Ain't Me Babe as (it is said) an antidote to Dylan's bitterness.  In 2011 both Billboard and Rolling Stones named I Got You Babe one of the greatest duets of all time.  It has a valuted pop culture history.  It was Connors' (repeated) wake-up song in Groundhog Day and, more recently, in 2016 Cher did such a great parody of the song with James Corden on The Late Late Show called I Got You Bae that captures the essence of modern dating.  

And that's the thing about I Got You Babe, and this live version in particular.  It's fun and funny and so perfectly captures that feeling that we all are so grateful for – that feeling that there is someone there for us, that feeling of being caught in the safety net of somebody else's arms, and love.

I Got You Babe (1965) Listen Here

And the holiday season is ON, supply chain issues, Omnicron and travel restrictions be damned.  We got this, babe.

Dish Stanley XO,

If you love me as much as I love you (and I really do love you!), then please help me grow by forwarding this {love} Letter to a friend!  And I'd love to have you join us on instagram, facebook & twitter.

The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a newsletter curated by Dish Stanley on everything friendship, love & sex for those of us over 40. We come to your inbox Saturdays to make your life - and week end - better. Want the Dish?

Some of the past favorites of CRUSH readers, in case you missed them:

+6 Ways to Get the Friends Who Count. Why You Want Them. By Dish Stanley

+BITE. By Ali Waks Adams

+Kathy: This Is A Love Story About Three Friends. By Amy Ferris

+Love & Mike’s “Bad Girl Pasta.” By Dish Stanley


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