French Kiss: French Women Do It Better, Right? By Lady Verity

French Kiss: French Women Do It Better, Right? By Lady Verity

. 3 min read

Wrong. Six myths debunked.

By Lady Verity

Like Botticelli’s Venus, a French woman appears as if she’s sprung forth effortlessly from the doorstep of her slate-roofed abode. Nothing is further from the truth.

Even though they’re among the most particular and high maintenance creatures on the planet, outwardly French women practice nonchalance -- think UK-born Jane Birkin or Charlotte Gainsbourg in oversize sweaters and unbrushed locks. The key to unlocking the mystique of the French woman is summed up in one word: seduction. They’re masters, um, mistresses, at seducing you and everyone else into thinking they do it (and everything) better. Time to debunk six erroneous myths.

Myth: French women are the chicest on the planet

The average French woman has a tiny closet or freestanding inherited bureau that holds her wardrobe. She’ll splurge on one or two costly items every season and wear these pieces to the ground, as in seven days a week, until they disintegrate. The art of French style means: no matchy-matchy ever -- except for undergarments — and is inspired by the aforementioned closet restrictions. Whatever else is at hand—relatively clean and un-ironed—is worn with the expensive pieces. Voila!

Myth: French women have better hair and skin and…

In all fairness, the French do make brilliant skincare products like affordable Embryolisse or pricey Biologique Recherche, so French women spend their money on skincare and would never dream of rinsing their face with tap water. Maybe they do have better skin but that’s because of all the humidity in the air. As for makeup, they wear it strategically and less is more, which makes for an overall fresher skin appearance. When it comes to hair, it’s not better. Variations of bedhead are the look, so many French women braid their hair wet and sleep on it. The next day when they unfurl the braids, their hair appears shag & brag voluminous.

Myth: French women don’t gain weight

They do. All the croissants, baguettes, chocolates, wine and more is the reason they smoke so much and are constantly dieting. And they don’t have better bodies or less cellulite, either. But they’ve mastered the art of only showing the good parts. You’ll never catch a French woman with cellulite thighs wearing butt cheek cut-offs. If breasts are small, a French woman will unbutton down to the top rib (unspoken rule) and wear a long chain that distracts the male gaze and leads his eye down the sternum. If the bosom is large, she will wear a tight-fitting turtleneck (turtlenecks accentuate the breasts) and pretend she didn’t notice the effect.

Myth: French women just have that je ne se quoi

A French woman doesn’t have more innate mystique than her American counterpart. She just doesn’t talk as much. It’s that simple. French women are too savvy to bare body and soul during the dating game. Instead, they prefer slowly sipping a cocktail, tilting their head (as though they have a crick in their neck), and staring off into the distance. As for the cell phone, mais non! It tucks perfectly into that vintage Chanel bag where it lives for the rest of the evening. Nothing is less sexy than a woman pecking away like a deranged woodpecker (no offense to woodpeckers) on her cell phone.

Myth: French women look better naked

Nope. French actress Arielle Dombasle nailed it when she said: “Never walk nude in front of your lover.”

Myth: French women are better in bed

They didn’t invent the French kiss, nor do they have different or more desirable body parts than other women. In fact, French women are the most likely to fake an orgasm during sex according to an international 2015 survey. They appear superior in bed because 1) they fake it, and 2) they don’t give it away. They expect courtship. Nor would they consider horizontal activity after a first date if the dude was only shelling out a few euro for a Starbucks coffee. Hence, Madame Claude, queen of the bordello, was French.

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