Lamentations on the Lost Art of Kissing.  By Elisabeth C. Lamotte

Lamentations on the Lost Art of Kissing. By Elisabeth C. Lamotte

. 3 min read

One writer contemplates the potential for the perfect kiss, recalling her past and contemplating the future.

“I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.” Crash Davis, Bull Durham

A Catholic child of the suburbs, I was a virgin until my mid-twenties when I encountered a Manhattan born and bred man educated by Catholic Jesuits, but with plenty of life experience on the city streets. Appearing suddenly before me at a party, I was intrigued by the look in his dark eyes, his dark, curly hair, five o’clock shadow and slow smile. During our first epic night together, we were kissing when he softly smiled and chuckled. “You know, Honey, you’re not drilling for oil”, was his gentle comment. I returned his smile, understanding how to correct the problem and immediately did so. While other issues muddied the waters, our kisses could definitely last three days.

The other finest kisser I have ever enjoyed was yet again, NYC born and bred. Our beginning was a similar scenario; a totally unexpected meeting at a party. Hazel eyes instead of brown, but another head of dark curly hair with a five o’clock shadow and a smile I wanted to see again. When we said goodbye at the party that night and he leaned down for a soft, close-mouthed kiss on the lips, I knew it would not be our last.  Our first French kiss was preceded by him gradually finding my hand across the restaurant table and slowly stroking my pinky finger with his. After softly caressing all the fingers of my right hand, his mouth found mine. Suddenly, he was standing beside my chair and I rose to embrace him while we kissed in the middle of the restaurant. I could have cared less who was watching because his kisses made everyone and everything else disappear.

Each of these relationships ended badly but somehow wound up with a reprise several years later. While each second go-round was also a failure, the kisses and caresses remained exquisitely memorable. That part we always got right.

But, today is a different story. Lately everyone I’ve kissed seems to think it is titillating to swallow a woman’s mouth in a gaping, too-wet hole. A French phrase comes to mind; “Ce n’est pas la mer a boire” - “It’s not as if you have to drink the sea”. But then, some kisses are as dry as the Sahara and, fortunately under those circumstances, brief in duration. Then, there is the propeller tongue, whipping around the inside of my mouth in a circle until I am almost dizzy, and not dizzy in a good way. Yes, there are some who use my virgin technique of “drilling for oil” and some do not take polite requests for correction gracefully.

Several years ago, I started to date a man from Spain who had a terrific apartment on Central Park West just north of Lincoln Center. After coming back to his apartment, we started to kiss on the sofa when I suddenly felt as though a corkscrew was making its way down my throat. As I stopped to gently suggest that he was not “drilling for oil”, the Spaniard became enraged and threw me out of the apartment. You’d think I had insulted the honor of his entire family tree…

But, not all are as easily offended. A genial young physician I recently met kissed with a mouth too wide and a tongue too fast. As he was still a bit raw from the ending of his last relationship, I wanted to tread carefully. Fortunately, he took my gentle requests gracefully. Smiling at me, he nodded and our evening suddenly improved. So, perhaps there is hope.

And, perhaps, I should date more medical doctors. Or, try again with NYC natives?

The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter curated by Dish Stanley on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?

If you love me as much as I love you (and I really do love you!), then please help me grow by forwarding this {love} Letter to a friend!  And I'd love to have you join us on instagram, facebook & twitter.


"Don't Touch My Hat.*" Midlife Men & Loneliness "This is a Tale of Modern Love ..." 5 Great Boutique Hotels Around NYC. By Jeanne Bosse 5 Things That Turn Me On: Ali Waks Adams 5 Things That Turn Me On: Bob Guccione, Jr 5 Things That Turn Me On: Craig J 5 Things That Turn Me On: Dish Stanley 5 Things That Turn Me On: Jane Boon 5 Things That Turn Me On: Lady Verity 5 Things That Turn Me On: Liza Lentini 5 Things That Turn Me On: Lynn Eaton A Roman Love Affair. By Lady Verity A Turntable and a Candle: F-ing Classics About Face: Skincare Essentials for Men An Upbeat Playlist for the Divorce-curious And I Wondered ... Do We Really Need A SATC Reboot? Bisexually Anxious Among the Noodges. Review: shiva Baby BITE. Go Date Yourself! BITE. What to Cook When You Want to F*ck. By Ali Waks Adams Book Review: A Certain Hunger by Chelsea G. Summers Book Review: Norma Kamali: I Am Invincible Book Review: Swan Dive: The Making of a Rogue Ballerina by Georgina Pazcoguins. Reviewed By Lady Varity Book Review: The Lover. By Marguerite Duras. Book Review: The Story of O CRUSH Summer Reading List! From CRUSH Reader Sharon Weinberg, Owner of The Chatham Bookstore Dear Dish Dear Dish. About those summer orgies ... DEVOUR {things to do, have & know about} Dish Gets A Kink Assessment. Doing Nothing With Friends Extended Encounters. By Lisa Ellex F*ck Songs. Three Best Jazz Albums for a Sexy Night In. By Lisa Ellex Five Best Jazz Clubs Around The Country. By Lisa Ellex Four Indie Bookstore That Stayed In My Life Long After I Left Town. By Dish Stanley French Kiss: French Girls Do It Better, Right? Grief. By Lauren D. Weinstein Hefner. By Bob Guccione, Jr Hide A Love Note In Their Pocket. Hook Ups: Hilary Harley, Astrologer Hook Ups: Meet Barrie Rosencrans, Spa Director & Dharma Yoga Teacher Hook Ups: Meet Heather Fink, Founder & CEO of the Sexiest Beauty Hook Ups: Theola Wong, Moon Babe Blankets Hot Thots I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies Kathy: This Is A Love Story About Three Friends Lamentations on the Lost Art of Kissing. By Elisabeth C. Lamotte Let's Quiver: Sexual Debut Stories Let's Reconsider, with Adam Grant Love & Mike's "Bad Girl Pasta" Love / Sex / Moon Magick. Mercury Retrograde fucks sex. Not in a good way. Love/Sex/Magick. Hey There, Lover! By Lynn Eaton Love/Sex/Magick. Lammastide! Love/Sex/Moon Magick: Endings, Happy and Otherwise. By Lynn Eaton Love/Sex/Moon Magick: Full Moons I Have Known and Loved. Love/Sex/Moon Magick: Not A Fool's Journey. By Jynn Eaton Love/Sex/Moon Magick: The Power of Sex By Lynn Eaton Melissa Biggs Bradley's New Book Safari Style Makes Me Want To Go On A Safari My First Solo Trip: Mexico, Part I. By Dawn Larsen Nice to Meet You. How Are You Crazy? Oasis in the Desert. One woman's honest journey through vaginal rejuvenation. OMG Yes. Pillow Tawk (or NOT)? Playing Games: A Review of Esther Perel's New Sold Out Card Game. Podcast Review: Dying for Sex. Why You Need to Listen to Molly's Journey. PrimeCrush & Chill: Movies Worth a Re-Watch PrimeCrush & Chill: The Hottest Thing to Watch Right Now Is A 1968. French Psychodrama "La Piscine" PrimeCrush Cocktail Coaster Giveaway! QUIVER. Sexual Debut Stories. Reports from the Edge: Kinky TV By jane Boon Reports from the Edge: Latex Stretches Reports from the Edge: Skirt Club. By Jane Boon. Reports from the Edge: Solo at the Sex Party SIP. Best Lines from the Double Dates Podcast Hosted by Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue Six Ways to Get the Friends Who Count Snapshot Rec: Get Yourself Sexify-ed on Netflix. Snapshot Rec: Read Liza Lentini on the Indigo Girls in SPIN Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck. By Christian Pan Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck. By Sarah Vespermann Stanley Tucci Is Paradise Stories & Conversations Stories to Read Aloud to a Lover. By A.K.A. Darla The 3 Things You're Really Fighting About The 4 Most Common Skincare Issues for Men (But Were Afraid to Ask). By Lauren D. Weinstein The Crush Letter No 33 The Dynamics of Friendhip By Lauren D. Weinstein The Friendship Files: Like A Tattoo Thee Timeless Travel Books. By Bob Guccione Jr. To get all of us, subscribe. Willin'. Divorce the Feng Shui Way. Willin'. Size Really Does Matter. You're My Medicine You're Wearing A Turtleneck, Again? Your Love Is King & Queen, GQ