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Hello Crush,
I had such a week.
A rollercoaster, really.
After all of it, on Saturday morning I slowly opened my eyes, grateful to have a leisurely day in front of me in order to catch my breath, take Koko for a long slow walk on the beach, then grab some fresh fish taco’s and stay in and catch up on Love Story.
Not how it landed. First I saw a frantic text from a friend in town from Boston last minute because she had discovered proof that her husband had been cheating. “Can you meet me for a walk?“ she wrote. “Shit. Of course,” I replied.
Me and a few other close girlfriends had started (sadly) keeping a list of rec’s for just this situation, filed under “Boston Divorce Rec’s for GFs.” A running list of divorce lawyers you’d want to hire (or conflict out), forensic accountants, and financial advisors who will ensure you avoid the dog stocks in an eventual asset split. It was the second deployment of said list last week. (The first one went to a friend-of-a-close-friend.)
So the divorcing friend and I had an emotional walk (with me mostly listening), and the list was deployed. Again.
I take my job as a bestie to my girlfriends very seriously, as all my besties know. (They got me through the crisis of losing my husband, afterall.)
Girlfriend crisis work done. CHECK.
Then, while rolling into my driveway I get a last minute invitation to a dinner party from another close friend, Anne. “LJ [her husband] is sick. Want to be my +1 at a dinner party tonight? Super fun crowd. Already cleared with the host who said ‘Sure. Bring Dish, she’s fab.’”
“Absolutely. Thanks!” I gamely reply.
A mere two hours later, having just pulled in to park for said dinner party, my phone has lit up with messages from Anne. “Call me before you leave for the party. Also left you a vm.” She was giving me the head’s up that the host will be seating me next to a gentleman who recently broke free of his long-term girlfriend and is roundly considered a wonderful catch. Secondly, she tells me that she had just a few minutes earlier run into a guy I had briefly dated some time ago, which relationship was prematurely interrupted by his ex. He is now single again. What’s more, he asked her about me and, well, the way it all played out is that he, too, will be showing up for the cocktail portion of the evening — specifically, she says — to say hello to me. She cleared that with the host too.
(I love Anne; she’s literally always pro-actively looking to put romantic opportunities in front of me. Like a good friend does.)
“So I just want to catch you in advance to make sure you put on a great dress,” Anne’s voicemail says. By the time I picked it up I was already there, parked outside the party. “Fingers crossed,” I thought, opening the door to my rusty BMW X1.
As soon as I walked away from the bar, before I’d had even taken my first sip of tequila, I was flanked on either side by the two handsome, accomplished, sharply dressed men. The first lines out of Mark, the one I didn’t know yet, were “When I saw you across the room I asked the host to seat me next to the sparkling blonde, so I’m happy to say I’ll have your company all night.” (Nice start, Mark.) Over the course of the next 20 minutes, as they each flirted with me and other guests wove in and out to say hello, each guy leaned into me to whisper “Are you dating ”X” [the guy on my other side?” To which I cavalierly replied with a wink “Absolutely not.“ The guy I had dated briefly, Damian, before leaving to go to another dinner party again leaned in to say “God, you look beautiful.”
It was a thrilling night, in other words. Badly needed for my ego after a fall and early winter of near-romances that never took off. That one night might even be the highlight of my dating life post-widowhood.
And now, here we are at another lazy Saturday morning. Who knows what today will bring?
But I’m ready.
And you?
PS: What I wore: This is the dress I wore, by Line By K, a brand I’ve written about a few times. I wore it in a purple-ish color they no longer offer that reads more casual than the black one they now sell, and I wore it with my hair down and wavy, a pair of fab long, dangling “summery” earrings and the flat ”Grecian style” sandals I had custom-fitted for me at Rondini’s when I was in St. Tropez last year. (My sandals are leather with a gold wash.)
PSS: Buckle up: this is an extra long CRUSH Letter because I’m taking off for my annual trip to New Zealand soon, and I want to get all of this out to you before I do.
In This Letter.
+Post-Divorce Dating Romps. Bloody Good Sex. By Ida Clare Right in the middle of a particularly enjoyable segment, he stopped abruptly.
+Invisalign Is Having a Midlife Moment But Advice Is Anything But Aligned. What You Need to Know*. By Dish Stanley
+Belle Burden Wrote Me. I Kid You Not! By Dish Stanley I love this so much, thank you!
+dishing. A new sitcom about an older woman’s problematic lust for a younger man. IN.
+Our Song of the Week Ready Or Not
Post-Divorce Dating Romps: Bloody Good Sex. By Ida Clare
One PrimeCrush contributor shares her first sexual encounter post-divorce and it was, well, messy at best.
I have always felt that I rode the line between the generation that avowed a woman should get married, have children, defer to her husband; and the generation of “make your own life”, which can include the aforementioned things, but only if you want them. Thus, I got married young and so I didn’t get a chance to experiment sexually as a young woman (or travel or have a home by myself…). I stayed married for 15 long years. Sex in the marriage was boring…but how would I have known? I really had no previous experiences.
My very first sexual encounter post divorce was with an older man who I had dated three times prior to this story. During the heavy-petting portion of the evening, in my head, I was weighing my options about how many dates should pass until “doing it”. The old generation voice warned: “Don’t be a bad/whore/get-the-milk-for-free girl or no one will EVER want you.” But then the new equal/assertive/independent/I-am-woman hear-me-roar voice countered: “If I’m horny (and after a long marriage of mostly bad sex, of course I was), I can damn well do what and who I want!” So…we move into the bedroom. Turns out, this guy was well-versed in the oral arts. THAT was fabulous because my ex-husband haaaated that. I thought, “Thank you, Universe! This was a long time coming! Oh, and I was “coming” several times.
Right in the middle of a particularly enjoyable segment, he stopped abruptly, screamed, “AHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD” (and not in the good way), jumped up, started feeling around on his own body like he’d been shot. I sat up, looked around, and the sheets were spattered with blood. I thought: “I’m not on my period. Maybe he IS shot. Is he having a heart attack? Can a man hemorrhage from a tongue cramp?”
He ran into the bathroom, grabbed one of my good towels, and starts wiping himself off, all the while loudly raving like a maniac. I said, “It’s not me. I’m not bleeding.” He screamed again, started rechecking himself, then ran to the mirror in the bathroom, mumbling. Then, silence. He comes back out into the bedroom, looks at me, and then all at the same time, he puts on his clothes, mumbles, looks around like a madman. He finally spits out, “I gotta go. I’ll call you.”
Continue reading here
UPDATED: Invisalign Is Having a Midlife Moment But Advice Is Anything But Aligned. What You Need to Know*. By Dish Stanley
Invisalign feels like Aperol Spritz in the summer of 2021. Remember how all of a sudden everybody was drinking it?
Almost everyone I know over 50 is on, done with or about to start Invisalign. Over Thanksgiving my Mother mentioned to me that one of my bottom front teeth was shifting. (Actually she said "What's wrong with your teeth, honey? The front one is protruding.") Until that moment I hadn't thought anything was wrong with my front tooth. Perhaps she can be excused for the alarmingness of her tone because she spent my teens driving me to and from an orthodontist (who we later learned from local news reports was being sued for sexual harrassment by both his dental hygienists, who we learned from the story were having simultaneous extramariatal affairs with him.)
Anyhow, that's how I ended up on Invisalign. Two nights after getting my first set of retainers, I was at a friend's for dinner and she was excusing herself to take hers out. She had started six months earlier. Playing golf a week later, a husband and wife had both just started Invisalign. I then went away with four girlfriends and everyone on the trip was wearing them.
Kudo's to Invisalign's marketing team. I read that it shot up as the most common procedure for those of a certain age, even more than botox, teeth whitening and eating protein. Comparing notes with all these friends I've realized that the advice we got from our dental practitioners was anything but aligned. Here are some things you might want to know:
Continue reading here
Belle Burden, Author of the Blockbuster Divorce Book Strangers, Wrote Me. I Kid You Not! By Dish Stanley
As my faithful CRUSH Readers know, I’ve had quite a lot to say about Belle Borden’s divorce memoir Strangers. My review on it is my most highly read PrimeCrush piece:
Dish Stanley
I followed the review with a story focused on a single, touching incident between Belle and an acquaintance she encounters while out on her daily therapeutic walks. In that I wrote:
“… the most useful lesson is not for those who are contemplating marriage, already married or a party to divorce (or indeed, the victim of any other heartbreaking calamity). It is for those of us standing outside tragedy, not in the intimate circle of family of friends. A little removed, yet still witness to the poor, shell-shocked souls going through it.” Here it is:
Dish Stanley
I sent it to Burgen via instagram and was over-the-moon to open up my account a week later and get this back from her:
You’re welcome, Belle! So now, obviously, I’ll be a fan of hers for life.
I’m working on a third piece, too, with insight from a financial advisor with expertise working with divorcing women who, too often, let their husbands handle 100% of the couple’s financial and investment matters. That piece will focus on the financial lessons we can learn from Burden’s experience letting her husband manage and control every aspect of their financial life. I’m hoping that it will help some CRUSH Readers and be worthy enough to forward on to others in the same position.
And — an aside — how about Belle Burden’s fab post-divorce glow-up?
Even though she is obviously keeping a frenetic pace for months now in support of her book, she looks incredibly fresh and happy, doesn’t she? Even though she describes herself as shy, something about her taking control of her life, and her story, and being out sharing it with the world has really lit her up.
Because, CRUSHes, it isn’t botox that is making her look so good. She shares her “glow-up” secrets in the Air Mail piece below.
Holly Parmelee
In case you didn’t subscribe to Air Mail, here’s my favorite part:
“WHAT DO YOU TEACH YOUR DAUGHTERS ABOUT BEAUTY: I hope I’ve taught them that it’s O.K. to age gracefully without intervention. I haven’t done anything to my face, not even Botox. I believe it’s their time to look young; I’m going for elegant.
SKIN-CARE M.V.P.’S: Environ Youth EssentiA cleansing lotion, compostable face towels, and Gendler Dermatology Skin Brightener.
BEAUTY TOOLS: Dermaflash. Not only does it take off peach fuzz, but it also exfoliates and gives you a glow.
BEAUTY TREATMENT YOU’LL NEVER, EVER DO AGAIN: I’ve sworn off facials because I got a bacterial infection from the last one.”
PS: I ordered the Dermaflash Luxe. Get yours before they sell out.
dishing.
things that are getting me off these days.
This dance sequence from Rosalia’s performance at the BRIT Awards. The white dress, black thigh highs and hot pink knickers. Hot. The way it transforms from mad rave to line dance. Just wow. Her ethereal but powerful voice. Rosalia is a Spanish singer-songwriter who blends traditional flamenco with pop, R&B and electronica. {For the full performance, watch this. But the dance sequence is the best part and you can watch just that here. And here is one that dampens the exhilirating music but shows Rosalia up close.}
Owen Cutts Old Music Fridays. New music’s cool, but have you ever heard old music? Owen’s animated antics are one of the best reasons to be on the gram. My favorite is this one on The Delfonics‘ Ready Or Not Here I Come. Talk about exhilirating.
Owen Cutts explains The Delfonics. Animatedly.
Best Paris Hotels Under $1,000 per night from Indagare. File this for your next long romantic week end.
Do not miss this send up of “period dramas.” Miss Bumblesnatch exhorts you to watch this Oscar-nominated short.
JANE AUSTEN'S PERIOD DRAMA / 2026 Oscar®-Nominated Short Film
Shrinking Season 3 is my favorite yet. I didn’t think getting better was possible for this show, but it is. I can’t live without Gabby and her wacko outfits. Not to mention the fact that she has moved beyond choosing her bff’s widow (and work partner) as her f*ck buddy.
A sitcom about an older woman’s obsessive lust for a younger man? My sweet spot. Vladimir just dropped on Netflix and I’ve already taken a dive into the first episode. It is Desperate Housewives meets Babygirl meets The Chair. It has potential, but I’m not sure.
Maggie Gyllenhall’s The BRIDE! looks positively unhinged. I’m all in on her revisionist take on the Frankenstein story.
THE BRIDE! in theaters on March 6th
The International Center of Photography has a new show that looks dynamite, focusing on xeroxed images.
Speaking of: ArtStar is where I have bought a number of pieces of limited edition photography, as well as fine art prints. Including the photograph below, which I first noticed on the wall of last year’s Kips Bay Decorator Showhouse Palm Beach.
The best thing about FX’s Love Story isn’t the love story. It’s reliving my days in 1990’s New York. And what days (and nights) they were, a bygone period where we didn’t have cell phones to capture every image, which makes this 90’s-centric story capturing all that coolness so compelling.
Daryl Hannah makes an utterly fair and compelling point about the characterization of her in the series. In a NYT Opinion piece Hannah quotes one of the show’s producers: “Given how much we’re rooting for John and Carolyn, Daryl Hannah occupies a space where she’s an adversary to what you want narratively in the story.’” In other words, Hannah argues that the producers needed a villain, and chose Hannah for that role without regard to her real life existence in JFK Jr.’s life. “Storytelling requires tension. It often requires an obstacle.“ She became the obstacle, and in a tawdry, common story of pitting two women against each other as they compete for one man. And it’s been, as all of us can imagine and sympathize with, rough on Hannah.
Song of the Week
Ready Or Not Here I Come By The Delfonics
This is a very amateur video of their 2020 performance in Las Vegas, but it captures the spark that Owen Cutts delights in in his celebration of The Delfonics.
XO,
Dish
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The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter from Dish Stanley curating articles & intelligence on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?
