The Crush Letter No 70

. 12 min read

I'm Dish and I write a weekly newsletter about life, friendship, love and sex in midlife.  Because it's so much cooler than they said it would be.  Hell yes, sign me up for the Dish.

Hello Crush,

I got this note from a CRUSH Reader this week:

Dear Dish,

Have you seen the new Emma Thompson movie ("Good Luck to You, Leo Grande")?  I was mesmerized by her acting ability and the poignant storyline.  I won't spoil it for you but the final 5 seconds of the movie is a single gesture that stays with one...

[There is a point in the film where] her smile upon looking in the mirror was a bit like the last moment in 2001: A Space Odyssey (the beatific smile of the newly-evolved Star Child).  

FWIW, I wish more women knew that as men age along with them, our preferences change too (at least mine have)-- while I do look at videos with younger women in them, I more often look at Nina Hartley or amateurs of that "vintage."


Thanks Andy, for everything expressed in your note.

Yes I've watched it not once, but twice. For those who haven't heard of it, in the movie Good Luck to You, Leo Grande Emma Thompson plays a retired school teacher in her 60's who steps outside her narrow and scripted life to hire a sex worker, Leo, played by Daryl McCormack. It's a much smaller, indie film than the big budget movie Pretty Woman, but in short Leo is a modern, updated and more intellectual version of Vivian Ward (the role played by Julia Roberts) with a heart of gold who educates Nancy, the retired teacher about not just sex, but life (in an ironic, thought-provoking reversal of roles). I will be sharing more thoughts on the movie in next week's CRUSH Letter, but I do have one prediction now, which is that I expect that the demand for sex workers will sky rocket, especially among women over 50. And go watch it (on Hulu)! So we won't have to worry about Spoiler Alerts next week. Here's the trailer.

Oh, and I had to look up Nina Hartley but I see that she is a porn star legend (age 63). Here's her website link.

Okay, and moving on to this Letter. An unintended theme of past loves and lives emerged from the stories we received, so we went with it. Powerful.


If you're new here (welcome!), I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies. For more about me and why we're here go here.

In This Letter.   +Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck  "save me from these evil deeds before I get them done"  +Love/Sex/Moon Magick: I've Been Here Before By Lynn Eaton Our resident wiccan gets that deja vu feeling again and again.  +SIGHS & moans. By Ralph Greco, Jr  So, how do we handle our lover's sexual past? {Hint: tenderly}   +PrimeCrush & Chill: Movie’s Worth a Re-watch. The Unbearable Lightness of Being. By Daisy Foster They achieve true love and happiness, but not before they die together in a car accident.   +Good Socials.  A new thing: I saw some good things in my social media feed this week! #fuckingfreethefuckingnipple, how to get a natural high, Harrison Ford is so hot & more.   +Our Song of the Week  *Concert Report!* Who's never left home, who's never struck out / To find a dream and a life of their own

Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck

In this recurring column CRUSH Readers tell us the song that makes them wanna bang. Got one? We'd love to hear it. Write to me!

Submitted by Crush Reader Hailey H.

Song Title:  ”Criminal”

Artist: Fiona Apple

What about this song musically does it for you?

Striptease lyrics like “I’ve been a bad, bad girl” and “save me from these evil deeds before I get them done” sung to a hip grinding back beat with suggestive keyboard and flute notes that can dance me right into the bedroom.

Is there a memory you attach to this song?

Driving in the car thinking about my date later that evening.

Who/what are you thinking of when you listen to this song?

Yummy deliciousness waiting on the other side of dinner and drinks.

Anything else...?    

Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin.  But that’s another story altogether.

Yo Hailey! We'd altogether love to hear it. The story. x-oh!-x, Dish.

PrimeCrush & Chill. Movie’s Worth a Re-watch.  By Daisy Foster

“PrimeCrush & Chill” is a series where we re-review and recommend movies we think are perfect for a sexy night in.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

This story reminds us of the heaviness and “lightness” of life and ... that you really can’t have one without the other.

Starring: Daniel Day-Lewis, Lena Olin, Juliette Binoche

Released: February 5, 1988

Basic Plot: Adapted from the 1984 novel by Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being tells the story of Tomas (Daniel Day-Lewis), a surgeon, who falls for a beautiful, young photographer named Tereza (played by then 20-uyear-old Juliette Binoche). After bringing Tereza back to Prague with him, she realizes he’s already deeply involved with the sultry Sabina (played by the stunning Lena Olin). After the Soviets enter Prague, the threesome leave for Switzerland, bringing all their issues with them. Only after Tomas and Teresa finally confront the hurt within their relationship can they achieve true love and happiness, but not before they die together in a car accident.

Why Re-watch: You might think, given the tragic ending of The Unbearable Lightness of Being that it somehow takes away from the romance of the story, and nothing could be farther from the truth. These are three of the finest actors to ever grace a silver screen and they do Kundra’s critically-acclaimed story proud. This story reminds us of the heaviness and “lightness” of life and, in a somewhat cliché way, that you really can’t have one without the other. The theory, philosophy and meaning are far more involved than that, though the story is reflective of the dichotomies of the human existence: Tomas is a successful surgeon, but a screw up in love; Sabina could have anything and anyone she wants, but she values her freedom most of all; Tereza believes in a traditional relationship, but can’t help being deeply in love with Tomas.

It’s worth noting that Czechia-born Kundera had lived in exile in France since 1975, and, at the time this book was published in 1988 it was banned by Communists of Czechoslovakia until the regime dissolved in 1989. No doubt he understood—or, at least had questions about—the “lightness of being”. Any story that references Nietzsche, as this one does, is dealing with some very heavy issues.

I first read this book when it came out. I focused on the ending, and it had me wondering, for years and years, what the whole point was if we were going to die, especially Tomas and Tereza’s final happy scene that ends in tragedy. Whether you choose the book or the movie to revisit, it will likely blow your mind how it reflects on your own ability to observe your younger self discovering this story for the first time. You must go through life not knowing the ending. Kundera asks us to consider the lightness of life.

Watch the trailer here.

Love/Sex/Moon Magick: I've Been Here Before. By Lynn Eaton

Our resident wiccan makes a proposal for handling that deja vu feeling all over again, whatever it is.

It was more like a presence this time. A connection through time and space. Still warm. Still sweet. Like a lingering caress from a long-ago lover. And then, it was gone.

Déjà vu. That feeling that you’ve been there, done that. Usually, it lasts only seconds for me these days. And just a fleeting, tingling feeling. But other times. Oh, my. Hours or even entire days would unfold around me.

As a young child, I was both fascinated by and terrified of this gift. I would get the feeling coming in a wave over my whole body. The situation would become more and more familiar until someone said what I came to label “The key words.” I’d say the words that I heard myself say in my head aloud. And the déjà vu event would unfold.

As I matured, these events became more sporadic. I almost forgot about them. Until I was on a road trip with a good friend. Exhausted from a long drive, we stopped for a picnic close to our destination. A sweet, warm breeze wafted over us. And then, something else enveloped me. That déjà vu feeling again. But not the same at all.

It was more like a presence this time. A connection through time and space. Still warm. Still sweet. Like a lingering caress from a long-ago lover. And then, it was gone.

Continue reading here.

SIGHS & moans.  By Ralph Greco, Jr

A regular column on love, sex, and kink in relationships from the host of the podcast Licking Non-Vanilla, who has spent a lot of time contemplating all of it in his sixty years of being alive. “This series started with “How To Stop Worrying About What Your Fantasies “Mean” and Start Loving Your Sexual Imagination”. Here it is, in case you’d like to start at the start.

Yes, You Can Go Home Again, But Should You?  Living With Your New (or Even Long-Time) Lover's Sexual Past.

In the 5th installment of his series, writer Ralph Greco explores the perils of digging deep into your lover’s past.

These days we pretty much find a way to travel back in time at every turn. Facebook,, so many online portals allow anybody to go searching their glory days and for the past lover they made them with.

Sorry, but all that fun sex you and your partner are having is likely not the first time for either of you. Even if you married four-score-and-a-bunch-of-years-ago, there was most likely some hanky-panky your lover got into before you met.

Not that their past matters or is any of your business, but so many of us begin down that path of: "Who was this person with before me?" or "How skilled was he/she/them?" and can’t then avoid considering or asking questions.

So, how do we deal with our lover's sexual past?

What You Don't Know Can Hurt You … If You Let It

The less we know about something we want to really know, the more we will pepper in details of our imagining trying to know it. And when it comes to what we might conjure over our lover's sexual past, these details can be doozies! Take some of what you have experienced, a little bit from the porn scenes you watch, and some assumptions, and boy, you could have a field day thinking up all kinds of bed-rocking scenarios only somebody in their 20's could be limber enough to manage.

Continue reading here.

Good Socials.

Let's try a new thing where I share things I like from my social media feed. TBH a couple of these were forwarded to me (hat tip Nina). See something great in your feed? Dish it over at

from Scott Galloway's twitter feed @profgalloway
No it's not a magical pussy. It's @NASAWebb's first images of the universe.

Oh hey, this is our social! Insta @primecrushxo #nostringsofperalsinourpussies
How to get a natural high this week end from @mightyhealthapp

Song of the Week

Wide Open Spaces By The Chicks - Another PrimeCrush Reader Concert Report!

We're celebrating summer concerts in our song of the week column. Starting with with the report from Ian we shared in last week's The Crush Letter No 69 on The Eagles show in Dublin, we hope to celebrate live concerts throughout the summer. Please send your concert report to me at!

DC-based PrimeCrush Reader Peter sent in a report on The Chicks concert last week end at the Jiffy Lube Live open-air ampitheater in Bristow, VA.

"It was SUCH a good concert.

The Chicks struck the right chord on a cool summer’s evening in Bristow, VA last Saturday. Kicking off with a hair-raising rendition of Sin Wagon ("Well now I've been good for way too long / Found my red dress and I'm gonna throw it on / 'Bout to get too far gone") the superstar country trio dazzled a dense crowd sporting many pink cowboy hats and country boots. The crowd responded to The Chicks’ timely political messages, including references to the fight for women’s rights, Black Lives Matter, and recent mass shootings. The crowd erupted in cheers and yee-haw’s when an animation of the 6 SCOTUS justices who voted against Roe v. Wade floated across the stage, erupted in flames and sunk."

Thanks Peter! The Chicks were one of the most popular female bands in music history in the early 2000's – as The Dixie Chicks – a country and bluegrass band whose songs celebrated independence, freedom and openness. In 2003 they got "cancelled" for criticizing then President Bush ("W") and the United States' invasion of Iraq. After taking a hiatus (or two) in the aftermath of that, by 2020 they were again at the top as the best-selling female band and best-selling country group in the US in the era since 1991 (eg, the Nielsen SoundScan era).

The Chicks have never shied away from taking controversial stands, something their fans love and respect them for. I'll never forget listening to Goodbye Earl for the first time and realizing that it was about two best friends murdering a domestic abuser ("Earl had to die, goodbye Earl"). Wide Open Spaces is my favorite song from The Chicks. It came out in 1998 when I was in my 20's, living on West 12th Street in New York City. I had moved to the city out of college without a job, a lead for a job, or knowing anyone who might have a lead for a job, or anyone at all and without a plan for any of that. I felt the song so powerfully. I need space to make my big mistakes (and I did make them).

Here's a shot of The Chicks singing Wide Open Spaces from Peter's iphone (unfortunately our hosting site doesn't have the capacity to load his music videos, f*ck!). If you want to see it though email me at

Watch a video of Wide Open Spaces from their 2018 MMXVI live Tour here.

In solidarity with Florence Pugh. #fuckingfreethefuckingnipple. All tits are beautiful tits.

And if you like The Crush Letter please, please, please forward it  to a friend or lover (or ex-friend or ex-lover, or better yet future friend or lover!). Just please forward it. I'm beggin you. (If that kind of thing turns you on. But if it doesn't I'm ordering you to ...) Thank you!

Dish Stanley XO,


'Merci'! to Emily in Paris for one of the most riverting women in pop culture "Divorce, Baby, Divorce" by Liza Lentini "Don't Touch My Hat.*" Midlife Men & Loneliness "This is a Tale of Modern Love ..." 2022 2024 Hit List 3 things I'm crushing on 5 Books to Help You Chill TF Out 5 Great Boutique Hotels Around NYC. By Jeanne Bosse 5 things that turn our crush readers on A Book That Could Unf*ck Your Relationship: I Want This To Work By Elizabeth Earnshaw. Reviewed By Angela Kempf. A Circle of Crones. By Elayne Clift A Roman Love Affair. By Lady Verity A Turntable and a Candle: F-ing Classics About Face: Skincare Essentials for Men An Upbeat Playlist for the Divorce-curious And I Wondered ... Do We Really Need A SATC Reboot? And Just Like That... Who Are These People?? By Jeanne Bosse And so this is Another brother gained and lost. By Jeanne Bosse Ask Dish Bedtime Rituals for Couples. By Lauren D. Weinstein Bisexually Anxious Among the Noodges. 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By Dean Christopher Hook Ups Hot Thots How to Be the Most Charming Person at a Holiday Party. By Evie Arnaude How to find porn thats actually good I am my own family I just turned 60 but I feel 22 I redesigned my closet. I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies Im glad my mom died In Good Hands. Kathy: This Is A Love Story About Three Friends La Mia Famiglia by Lisa Ellex Lamentations on the Lost Art of Kissing. By Elisabeth C. Lamotte Leave the husband, bring the cannoli. By A.K.A. Darla Let's Reconsider, with Adam Grant Love & Mike's "Bad Girl Pasta" Love/Sex/Moon Magick By Lynn Eaton LXIX. By A.K.A. Darla Meeting Across the River Melissa Biggs Bradley's New Book Safari Style Makes Me Want To Go On A Safari midlife MIDLIFE CRISIS: When Reality Strikes, By Dean Christopher Movie Magic. By Amy Ferris My First Solo Trip: Mexico, Part I. By Dawn Larsen My Prostate Journey: A Personal Story My Tits Contain MulTITudes Naked & Not afraid by KC Roth Oasis in the Desert. 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