Watch Dying for Sex Because It Nails What It’s Like to Care for Somebody Who Is Terminally Ill
It’s really a story about the power of friendship and the honor it is to love and care for somebody right up to the end.
If you didn’t listen to the podcast, Dying for Sex, (though I recommended it to you when it came out :-)) or you haven’t otherwise caught up on Molly and Nikki’s story, here is a synopsis: Molly Kochan is a 44 year old married woman living in LA who learns that she has terminal cancer, leaves a controlling husband and — because she has never had an orgasm — begins having wide-ranging sexual escapades. Her best friend, Nikki Boyer, who is Molly’s primary caretaker through her illness and also a podcast producer, starts a podcast in ‘real time’ to share Molly’s story. Molly is funny, introspective, empathetic, creative, unguarded, curious, unnervingly honest and absolutely enchanting.
The podcast was both funny and incredibly moving, and not surprisingly, won a well-deserved Ambie for Best Podcast of the Year in 2021.
The podcast has now been made into a series on Hulu, and Michelle Williams is pitch perfect as Molly. The title ‘Dying for Sex’ is on the nose in one sense, which is that Molly (in search of her first orgasm) is always "looking" (as they'd say on Grindr). With death staring her down, she is eager for all of the experiences, including just about anyone else's kinks. The podcast gave us an intimate look at Molly's sexcapades, which the television series waters down some but does not shy away from, and it includes some fetish play, some BDSM, and a lot of frank and humorous talk about sex.
One thing that makes the sexual carnival more relatable is where the encounters take place. Not in the sex clubs, dungeons and play rooms of the world of erotic fantasy, but in the ordinary spots in Molly's life - a neighbor’s apartment, the back seat of a Toyota Corolla, a bed in an ICU. I’ll admit that perhaps because the series includes the visual whereas the podcast is obviously just aural, some of the scenes on screen felt too raw for me, even though I was prepared for them. I fast forwarded through those. (It’s a little embarrassing for me to admit what a ninny I am, but I strive for complete honesty here in The Crush Letter, otherwise why bother?)
As you get into her story you begin to see that Molly's sex trek is how she becomes whole, and you understand why she needs to, which makes the sex very much not gratuitous, but rather, integral to her reclaiming her life in the face of death. Her sexual encounters, we realize, are the stage on which Molly has chosen to express her creativity, the stage where she finally finds true intimacy with men, discovers and communicates her boundaries, and ultimately transcends from mere actor to playwright in the story of her life.
So, it’s a story about sex, yes. Yet somehow, for me, the story was not mostly about sex. It’s a story about love. And that’s what makes it powerful and transcendent. In this case, it is about the love (in the form of friendship) between Molly and Nikki. It is a love story as animating as any romance. Perhaps even more so because it makes the point that love is about commitment, period.
One of the things that was so very real in the story was how devoted Nikki becomes to Molly’s care. How Nikki gives herself over unselfishly to Molly’s journey, in exactly the way that Molly wants her journey to unfold. Nikki loses her job(s) and her boyfriend while juggling all the demands of Molly’s scheduled appointments, rescheduled appointments and unscheduled emergencies.
Nikki goes down a rabbit hole, her life collapses into a small core of caring for Molly. That’s exactly how it happens when you love somebody with a terminal illness. I know this because, of course, my late husband was terminally ill. Your outside world falls away and what is left is simply caring for this person you love, even in the face of what you know will be your own heartbreak.
And what is also clear in the series is that that is exactly what Nikki wants to do. She wants to be by Molly’s side, softening all the painful hits, both physical and emotional. She does it consciously, as a choice. Nikki is like the player who — at the end of the game, when everything is on the line — wants the ball. “Throw it to me, I’m open,” she says.
It’s a honor, is what I want to say. That’s what I felt going through it myself, and that is how Molly conveys it. That it is an honor to be there right up to the end, in the most intimate and dramatic moments. It is an honor to care for somebody you love when so much is at stake and even while facing what you know will be a magnificent loss. Even while knowing that the deeper you go the more it will hurt.
In the end, Dying for Sex is a story about many things. It is about how to face off with death, the beauty and significance of even passing intimate connections, the power of love. Mostly I think it’s about the honor it is to be there for somebody you love in their most vulnerable and dramatic moments.
Listen to the Dying for Sex podcast here.
The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter from Dish Stanley curating articles & intelligence on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?
