The Crush Letter No 69

. 11 min read

I'm Dish and I write a weekly newsletter about friendship, love and sex in midlife.  Because midlife is so much hotter than they said it would be.  Hell yes, sign me up for the Dish.

Hello Crush,

To celebrate The Crush Letter No 69, we have a few things to share about the mythic sex position, starting with a report from the CRUSH Readers who participated in our 69 poll! The tantalizing results are below, published exclusively in The Crush Letter and only for subscribers.

And thank you CRUSH Readers for being here today on this day of our 69th issue. It’s been a ride, this weekly publishing thing, and a big learning experience for me – about friendship, love and sex – as well as about the nuts and bolts and drills of putting something out there in writing weekly.

I've learned a lot from you and the stories (and preferences) you’ve shared:

The things that turn you on, for our series Five Things That Turn Me On.

The songs that make you want to bang, for our series A Compendium of Songs That Make Crush Readers Wanna F*ck.

Stories about your friendships, for our series The Friendship Files.

How you made your sexual debut's, for our series Quiver: Sexual Debut Stories.

Stories about loving relationships that have lasted, for our series Extended Encounters.

And – of course – about a dozen of you volunteered to be sex toy testers for our PrimeCrush Toy Tester Project. (We've got more reviews coming soon, dear Readers. And since these sex toy reviews go only to subscribers, if you're new here and want to catch up on past reviews email me at

The one resounding thing I am convinced of after 69 issues of The Crush Letter is that you're fun, CRUSH Readers! And living very big, full, meaningful and sometimes complicated lives. Mostly, you've convinced me that I'm on to something with The Crush Letter – that midlife ushers in a period of profound transition in all of our most important relationships. What I love about you, CRUSH Readers? You’re here because examinging the ways we are - and stay - connected to the friends and partners you love is important to you.

The Crush Letter has an impressive open rate that ranges from 63% to 74% – so on a week in, week out basis you are seeing stories that resonate with you. Thanks for opening up and joining the PrimeCrush crew and exploring midlife together.

PS: Gotta f*ck song you'd like to share? Wanna tell us five things that turn you on? Will you tell us the story of your long-term love, your friendships or your sexual debut? (Lisa Ellex would love to interview you.) For all these, write to me Dish@PrimeCrush and I'll set you up. Thank you.

If you're new here (welcome!), I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies. For more about me and why we're here go here.

In This Letter.  +The 69 Sex Position Report. By Dish Stanley  +LXIX. By AKA Darla  A personal & opinionated take on the 69 from a fierce multi-tasker and frequent PrimeCrush contributor.  +Eating Out, No Reservations Required. By Sugar Lips Remember, orgasm doesn’t have to be the goal.   +To 69 or Not To 69: Some Helpful Questions. By Daisy Foster Are you stuck on oral? Variety is the spice of life.   +Our Song of the Week  On a dark desert highway / Cool wind in my hair

The 69 Sex Position Report.  By Dish Stanley

The 69: We Asked, You Answered.

Whether it's because of "the view" or because you discovered it wasn't a "mythical sex joke like rainbow blowjobs" you overwhelmingly love the 69. Here is what you told us about it.

Do you enjoy the 69 sex position?

A Full-throated yes! 58.8%

That's a hard no for me 35.3%

Would love to try it 5.9%

Please wax poetic about why you love it.

“It's not an everyday deal for me. I think sex should be unscripted and if it just so happens that our twisting bodies end up in a 69, let's go for it. I'm very tall so the positioning can be less than ideal, but being on the bottom seems to work the best with great access for my tongue and hands-on that ass!”

“The View.”

“I thought 69 was a mythical sex joke like rainbow blowjobs and the G spot - things people laughed about but never experienced. No one I knew talked about having done it, and none of my lovers bothered to ask (in hindsight this probably was a reflection of their lack of creativity). Fast forward through marriage (definitely did not happen but that’s a story for another time), and I am with someone who one day suggests it. A flood of issues rush through my mind—am I too heavy, will he be turned off by my bum in his face, really unhelpful body shaming thoughts. I push them aside and nervously agree. We awkwardly get in position, laughing and relaxing into it. And then the fun began! I recall quickly climaxing, laughing a lot, and feeling closer and trusting my partner in new ways. What I also learned from this was that I can’t be pleasured and give pleasure well. I get too distracted. So that has become a part of our experience- making a game of how long I can give. Recently he asked if we could reverse 69. Again I was nervous this time about feeling trapped, claustrophobic. I told him, and he reminded me we could stop when we wanted. Ah yes, this is a safe sexual relationship built on trust, mutual respect, and open communication. That’s why I love 69 — because it showed me what possibilities open up when you and your partner are in it together. Plus those orgasms.”

“I love a banquet.”

“The mutuality is so enveloping.”

“It’s an “all-in” kind of experience. (see what I did there??)”

“It’s great to both give and receive pleasure at the same time - or when alternating. It’s especially nice when your partner has to pause their actions when they’re feeling really good.”

"The sensation is different and very good, the point of view is also different and it is a way for a woman to express directly how she likes it and where, using the mouth to express it.”

It's a hard no for you? Tell us why.

"Just what other people have said, that it’s too distracting. But it’s also not the angle at which I like to go down on a woman."

"Just too much going on."

"I'm also tall so things don't always line up well. I really enjoy going down on a woman so I like to have all the time and space I need. I think 69 is as overrated as a shower together - unless it's an outdoor shower."

Any funny / interesting / moving 69 anecdote for us?

"We tried it in a mini cooper with a stick shift. Advice: don’t try it in a Mini Cooper with a stick shift."

We also asked these PrimeCrush subscribers to share their favorite sex positions (generally). We'll keep that secret for a future Letter! Stay tuned.

LXIX.  By A.K.A. Darla

A self-proclaimed “fierce multi-tasker,” one PrimeCrush writer explains why this position simply isn’t for everyone (including her).

Mention the number “69” and I instantly hear the chant of wayward boys from my fifth-grade class: “Sixty-nine, that’s my line, I’ll eat yours if you eat mine.” That naughty little ditty is what first hipped me (and the other ten-year-old girls in the school yard) to the possible pleasures of the yin-yang position. The fifth-grade me was intrigued. The adult me finds it exhausting.

I am a fierce multi-tasker. I can easily prepare dinner while sexting a beau, answering emails, doing the laundry, and actively participating in a work-related Zoom seminar without missing a beat. However, when it comes to oral sex I will give nothing less than my undivided attention. And I expect the same from my partner. For me, the act of “69” produces the same physiological reaction as I experience when watching television with the radio on: I become instantly overwhelmed by the mixing of the mediums and I can’t focus on either device. Game over. No discussion. Don’t ask again. I have no desire to engage in any activity for which I need to pop an Adderall.

Nevertheless, “69-ers” are everywhere. They lurk in dark corners, sit behind you in church, and may even be your mother’s nursing aide. Every so often, when I arrive at a manicure/pedicure appointment, I will be greeted by an overly-aggressive technician who attempts to convince me to receive both services simultaneously. I instantly profile the technician as a “69-er,” politely refuse the offer, and remind them that when God created oral sex and salon services, she intended them each to be savored without distraction. No doubt, these technicians have pegged me as a “non-69-er” and have dubbed me unadventurous. Tough titties. See, if the pandemic has thumped our heads of anything it’s to stop and smell the roses. And if you plan on putting your nose to my rose, I ask that you do so whole-heartedly. There is a Zen proverb that goes: “The rose bush will not properly bloom when the gardener is getting a blow job.” Or something like that.

Continue reading here.

CREDIT! @crazybitchprobs and @cutebutcrazyaf

Eating Out, No Reservations Required.  By Sugar Lips

A straight female’s take on the polarizing position of 69, offering some creative variations if you’re still on the fence.

Whenever the sex position, 69--a mutual oral sex position, face to the groin and resembles the numbers 6 and 9--is brought up in unabashedly, bawdy conversation, usually after several alcoholic beverages have been consumed, I observe two polarizing reactions. It is like eating cilantro, you either love it or hate it.

Personally, it's not my favorite position. Please do not get me wrong, I like to give and receive, just not at the same time. For me, it’s awkward having body parts and their respective pleasure zones vulnerable and in your partner’s face. It’s not especially comfortable and literally gives me a pain in the neck. I have difficulty concentrating on my own pleasure when I’m focused on sucking, licking, penetrating, and teasing my partner. Get the picture? Too much multi-tasking. (Plus, I personally don’t like the suffocating experience of having two dangly testicles bouncing off my cheeks while a stiff cock is being thrust down my throat.) Sadly, I don’t feel in the moment when I am worried about failing at attempting to achieve a Hollywood-style shared climax. For those of you who can do that, I applaud you.

All that said, adding 69 to your repertoire can change things up in the bedroom and provide an opportunity, for those who love it, to give and receive oral sex at the same time. I have listed a few variations on the theme. Remember, orgasm doesn’t have to be the goal. Communicate and have fun experimenting. Here’s how:


Have your partner lie down, flat on their back. Climb on top, so you are facing away from your partner. Your genitals should be facing your partner’s mouth and their genitals should be lined up with yours. (Head to tail.)

Continue reading here

Song of the Week. Summer Concert Vibes.

Hotel California by The Eagles.

The Eagles are on tour this Summer! Here's a report from a friend who snagged tickets (and a flight) to the show in Dublin last week:

“Henley, Vince, and Frey were great but 74-year-old Joe Walsh despite a stretched voice stole the show!”

“Great Joe Walsh line...I had a much better time being 20 in the 70s than being 70 in the 20s!”

“Another great line from Henley...there will be no fireworks,  smoke machines, or bum-shaking choreography tonight...just 5 guys and their guitars!”

Look at the playlist for the Dublin show. Wow. One stirring, retro heartbeat after another:

The Eagles Dublin Playlist (June 2022)

One of the funnest things about the version of Hotel California from the Dublin concert linke to below is seeing "us" – scanning the audience and seeing our crowd out in droves, enjoying the hell out the music we have loved. Of course, Hotel California has to be the most iconic and haunting of The Eagles' songs.

Watch this live clip from the Dublin June 2022 concert here.

And here’s their tour schedule

Going to any great concerts this summer? Report back! We’d love to reshare. Send your video clips and thoughts to me at

We've included links below to the f*ck songs you've shared, the things that have turned you on and the stories that have featured you, Crush Readers. Have you got something to share with us? Your secrets are safe (we'll use a pseudonym and keep you confidential!). I'd love to hear from you

Dish Stanley XO,

You Won't Want to Miss A Thing. Here Are Links to Some Favorites.

+QUIVER. Sexual Debut Stories. By Lisa Ellex Who made YOU Quiver? PrimeCrush columnist Lisa Ellex wants to know. Just whisper it in her ear and your “first-time” story could be the inspiration for her next Quiver column. Anonymity a concern? She'll change your name, location, and any other piece of identifying info, just like they do in the witness protection program. Except you don't have to move. So if you want to Quiver with us, contact

+Extended Encounters. By Lisa Ellex Her one-night stand lasted a three-decades-long story – but we want to hear YOURS. In her column, Extended Encounters, Lisa Ellex talks to couples who have been together for upwards of thirty years. If you and your partner are among the fortunate few whose relationship has been witness to seven presidential elections, 19 wars, a global pandemic, and Keith Richards falling out of a coconut tree then Lisa would love to hear from you

+‘5 Things’ That Turn Our Crush Readers On. By Dish Stanley Hello, Crush! What turns you on? I’m thrilled to introduce you to this new recurring column where we share five things that light our fire. I’m kicking it off with my list above – and I’d love to hear from you! (Yes, you!) If you’d like us to send you a template to fill out, it’s really easy and fun, please email me at (PS you can publish under your alias.)

+Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck. A Compendium from CRUSH Readers. An occasional pop-up where we share the songs that make the readers of The Crush Letter want to bang. Got one?  Send it to me at

+The Friendship Files. By AKA Darla. My father often told me that one would be rich in life if they had just one friend. A real friend. A person who would traverse life with you through the good, the bad, and the ugly. You may fight with them and cry with them, but you’ll laugh with them and love with them. Sometimes, you may not want to talk to them, but you know they are there.  And if a long time goes by when you don’t speak to them, you will eventually pick up exactly where you left off, as if no time passed at all. For some reason, the universe has paired you with this person. If you journaled the notable moments shared with them, you’d have volumes. This new column tells some of those stories. Got one? I'll pair you up with AKA Darla to tell your story.


'Merci'! to Emily in Paris for one of the most riverting women in pop culture "Divorce, Baby, Divorce" by Liza Lentini "Don't Touch My Hat.*" Midlife Men & Loneliness "This is a Tale of Modern Love ..." 2022 2024 Hit List 3 things I'm crushing on 5 Books to Help You Chill TF Out 5 Great Boutique Hotels Around NYC. By Jeanne Bosse 5 things that turn our crush readers on A Book That Could Unf*ck Your Relationship: I Want This To Work By Elizabeth Earnshaw. Reviewed By Angela Kempf. A Circle of Crones. By Elayne Clift A Roman Love Affair. By Lady Verity A Turntable and a Candle: F-ing Classics About Face: Skincare Essentials for Men An Upbeat Playlist for the Divorce-curious And I Wondered ... Do We Really Need A SATC Reboot? And Just Like That... Who Are These People?? By Jeanne Bosse And so this is Another brother gained and lost. By Jeanne Bosse Ask Dish Bedtime Rituals for Couples. By Lauren D. Weinstein Bisexually Anxious Among the Noodges. 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By Dean Christopher Hook Ups Hot Thots How to Be the Most Charming Person at a Holiday Party. By Evie Arnaude How to find porn thats actually good I am my own family I just turned 60 but I feel 22 I redesigned my closet. I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies Im glad my mom died In Good Hands. Kathy: This Is A Love Story About Three Friends La Mia Famiglia by Lisa Ellex Lamentations on the Lost Art of Kissing. By Elisabeth C. Lamotte Leave the husband, bring the cannoli. By A.K.A. Darla Let's Reconsider, with Adam Grant Love & Mike's "Bad Girl Pasta" Love/Sex/Moon Magick By Lynn Eaton LXIX. By A.K.A. Darla Meeting Across the River Melissa Biggs Bradley's New Book Safari Style Makes Me Want To Go On A Safari midlife MIDLIFE CRISIS: When Reality Strikes, By Dean Christopher Movie Magic. By Amy Ferris My First Solo Trip: Mexico, Part I. By Dawn Larsen My Prostate Journey: A Personal Story My Tits Contain MulTITudes Naked & Not afraid by KC Roth Oasis in the Desert. 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Weinstein The Friendship Files By AKA Darla The Golden Bachelor The Hole. By Kiva Schuler The Holiday Anti-Checklist By Liza Lentini The New Menopause By Dr. Mary Claire Haver The Perfect Snowy Saturday. By Jeanne Bosse The Ritual of Comforts. By Lady Verity The Sex Position Report. By Dish Stanley The Solo Series Thee Timeless Travel Books. By Bob Guccione Jr. Things To Let Go Of. By Dish Stanley This must be the place To get all of us, subscribe. Top Ten Jazz Albums To Soothe Your Soul. By Lisa Ellex TOPIX Transitions Travel tips Treats: A Sex Toy Tester Update Under The Radar Series. By Dish Stanley Valentines day what dead to me taught me about family. Who Are CRUSH Readers Grateful For? Women of a Certain Age Whose Style I Admire You're My Medicine Your Big Green Heart. By Liza Lentini Your Love Is King & Queen, GQ Zits a poppin Zoning Out in Comfort. By Dean Christopher