The Crush Letter No 81

. 6 min read

I'm Dish and I write a weekly newsletter about friendship, love and sex in midlife.  Because midlife is so much hotter than they said it would be.  Hell yes, sign me up for the Dish.

Hello Crush,

Happy Saturday!

Let's get right to it. Two things: we have an upcoming Letter focused on being single in midlife and we are looking for CRUSH Readers willing to be interviewed. Whether you are solo as a lifestyle choice, or by chance (and temporarily), we'd love to speak with you. Up for it? Write me at

Secondly, I'm starting "a midlife kit." It's more figurative than literal, but it's a variation on the "what I wish I had known I would need" theme. It's how we equip ourselves for this thing we're doing (like it or not). Scroll down to see my first quick take. But I'm building it. What should I add? What do you wish you had? Write me

Thanks - we've got a lot of good stuff for you this week, including TOPIX! Enjoy!

If you're new here (welcome!), I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies. For more about me and why we're here go here.

In This Letter.  +TOPIX. “I Vant To [Sleep] Alone.” By A.K.A. Darla it’s been reported that separate quarters make for peace between the couple   +Sexual Healing. Seriously…What’s Sexier Than The Sun? By Liza L   You might describe someone like this: “they’re so warm” or “they just glow.”   +What You’ll Need: Midlife Kit (Pt 1) A good book on how to handle grief   +Social Media I Loved This Week. By Dish Stanley   +Our Song of the Week Very superstitious, Nothin' more to say


Let’s Admit There’s No “Normal” to Relationships in Midlife & Start Talking About What We’re Really Doing. True Stories on How We're Doing It.

“I Vant To [Sleep] Alone.”  By A.K.A. Darla

The Queen and Prince Philip did it for years.  So did Helen Bonham Carter and Tim Burton. Even the U.K’s sexiest couple, David and Victoria Beckham, have “his and her wings.” Yes, like that number one hit from Barbara Mandrall, these couples are “sleeping single in a double bed.”

I thought perhaps it was just a “Brit” thing, until learning that Ryan O'Neal said he and Farrah Fawcett slept apart because they valued their privacy. In the case of Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, it’s been reported that separate quarters make for peace between the couple as Broderick’s haphazard housekeeping is an assault on Parker's orderly aesthetic.

Growing up in a Greenwich Village neighborhood where the luxury of an extra bedroom was unheard of, I was shocked when I visited the Upper West Side apartment of a high school classmate who, when giving me a tour of the place, pointed out the separate bedrooms of her parents. Outside of Lucy and Ricky Ricardo, it was the first time I had heard of married couples not sleeping in the same bed.  In the case of the Ricardo’s, my pre-adolescent self assumed their separate beds were to ensure that Lucy would not be disturbed when Ricky came home late from working at The Tropicana. Perhaps Lucy and Ricky were ahead of their time as it seems more and more couples – especially those entering second marriages – are opting for separate sleeping spaces.

Continue reading here.

Sexual Healing. By Liza L

In this ongoing series, our resident Reiki Master Teacher shows us that it’s so easy to offer yourself much-needed comfort when you need it.

Seriously…What’s Sexier Than The Sun?

Balancing your Solar Chakra will bring you the confidence you need, whenever you need it.

Here’s the thing about the sun. We know that it’s a star that rises and sets. We acknowledge what it does for our plants and heart and spirit (and so much more). We like the feeling of the sun when it hits our face. We rely on the sun to make our days brighter and warmer.

Truly, what is more powerful than the sun?

In energy healing, we acknowledge that the sun in the sky is a daily blessing, but the real sun is within all of us.

Your third chakra is your Solar Chakra, located, appropriately in your solar plexus (it’s sometimes called the Solar Plexus Chakra), above your belly button.

Ever met someone who was “pure sunshine”? There’s a good chance their Solar Chakra is in healthy balance. You might describe someone like this: “they’re so warm” or “they just glow.” They may exude confidence or have a smile that lights the room. Everything seems easy for them, they know what they want and they usually get it.

All chakras are their healthiest when they are open and in balance. When the Solar Chakra is out of balance, it may show up in these ways: eating disorders, digestive/bowel disorders, stomach problems and aches, and lack or nutrition. Solar Chakra imbalance is also associated with low libido and sexual dysfunction, as well as depression and anxiety. Those who are narcissistic and have low self-confidence may have a Solar Chakra imbalance.

Continue reading here.

What You’ll Need: Midlife Kit (Pt 1)

  • 25.36 oz bottle of Tequila
  • Good lube
  • Hair defuser/trimmer for nose, chin, ears, etc.
  • A good book on how to handle grief
  • A subscription to PrimeCrush
  • A sense of humor
  • Truly great friends who are very forgiving

Social Media I Loved This Week.  By Dish Stanley

@Vulture on Instagram  Watch it here. A dream episode of The Cher Show from 1975. Cher singing (and dancing to) one of the big hits of the decade Superstition with the Osmonds. It's groovy.

#OpenYourWorld. Heineken Ad. If you haven't seen this yet, it's a must. It is not trying for nuance, it's trying for straight-up let's get people to start talking with those they see as "others." It straight-up works at getting us going.

Song of the Week

Superstition By Stevie Wonder

Superstition by Stevie Wonder

Dish Stanley XO,

You Won't Want to Miss A Thing. Here Are Links to Some Favorites.

+Transitions. By Lisa Ellex ‘Transitions’ is a new series where we address the all-important issue of redirecting our lives at this midlife stage. In the first of the series, PrimeCrush writer Lisa Ellex broaches the question of what it takes to do it all alone.

+I Redesigned My Closet for My Midlife Lifestyle: Here’s What Happened.  By Daisy Foster

+5 Things That Turn Me On: Hilary H. What turns you on?  We'd love to hear from you! (Yes, you!) If you’d like us to send you a template to fill out, it’s really easy and fun, please email me at You must be a CRUSH Reader! (PS you can publish under your alias.)


'Merci'! to Emily in Paris for one of the most riverting women in pop culture "Divorce, Baby, Divorce" by Liza Lentini "Don't Touch My Hat.*" Midlife Men & Loneliness "This is a Tale of Modern Love ..." 2022 2024 Hit List 3 things I'm crushing on 5 Books to Help You Chill TF Out 5 Great Boutique Hotels Around NYC. By Jeanne Bosse 5 things that turn our crush readers on A Book That Could Unf*ck Your Relationship: I Want This To Work By Elizabeth Earnshaw. Reviewed By Angela Kempf. A Circle of Crones. By Elayne Clift A Roman Love Affair. By Lady Verity A Turntable and a Candle: F-ing Classics About Face: Skincare Essentials for Men An Upbeat Playlist for the Divorce-curious And I Wondered ... Do We Really Need A SATC Reboot? And Just Like That... Who Are These People?? By Jeanne Bosse And so this is Another brother gained and lost. By Jeanne Bosse Ask Dish Bedtime Rituals for Couples. By Lauren D. Weinstein Bisexually Anxious Among the Noodges. Review: shiva Baby Bloody Good Sex Book review Book Review: A Certain Hunger by Chelsea G. Summers Book Review: I'm With The Band by Pamela Des Barres. Reviewed by Evie Arnaude Book Review: Maurice Book Review: Norma Kamali: I Am Invincible Book Review: Swan Dive: The Making of a Rogue Ballerina by Georgina Pazcoguins. Reviewed By Lady Varity Book Review: The Confidence Game: Why We Fall For It Every Time By Maria Konnikova' Book Review: The Lover. By Marguerite Duras. Book Review: The Story of O Book Review: VOX by Nicholson Baker. Reviewed by Christian Pan Building The Perfect Music Collection Calm App Review: “If I Traveled Or Worked In An Office, I Would Rely On This App Heavily”. By Evie Arnaude Christian Pan CRUSH Summer Reading List! From CRUSH Reader Sharon Weinberg, Owner of The Chatham Bookstore Culture/Comments Dear Dish devour DEVOUR {things to do, have & know about} Devour: Reads we think you should devour Dish Gets A Kink Assessment. Dish Stanley Dish Stanley's Rules for Polite Society Doing Nothing With Friends Effortless, Natural Holiday Makeup. By Lauren D. Weinstein Emily In Paris Extended Encounters. By Lisa Ellex F*ck Songs. Three Best Jazz Albums for a Sexy Night In. By Lisa Ellex Facelifts: The Secret of Aging with Style and Attitude: Mireille Guiliano. Reviewed by Evie Arnaude Five Best Jazz Clubs Around The Country. By Lisa Ellex Foria's Totally Useful Guide to Sexting Four Indie Bookstore That Stayed In My Life Long After I Left Town. By Dish Stanley French Kiss: French Girls Do It Better, Right? friendship Fun in the sun skincare tips get your spy thrill on Girl Crush. By Lady Verity Grief. By Lauren D. Weinstein Healing Through Change. By Lauren D Weinstein Heard It at The Grammys: Dishs Crush on Silk Sonic Hefner. By Bob Guccione, Jr Hide A Love Note In Their Pocket. Hit List Holiday Invites Holiday Perspectives. By Dean Christopher Hook Ups Hot Thots How to Be the Most Charming Person at a Holiday Party. By Evie Arnaude How to find porn thats actually good I am my own family I just turned 60 but I feel 22 I redesigned my closet. I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies Im glad my mom died In Good Hands. Kathy: This Is A Love Story About Three Friends La Mia Famiglia by Lisa Ellex Lamentations on the Lost Art of Kissing. By Elisabeth C. Lamotte Leave the husband, bring the cannoli. By A.K.A. Darla Let's Reconsider, with Adam Grant Love & Mike's "Bad Girl Pasta" Love/Sex/Moon Magick By Lynn Eaton LXIX. By A.K.A. Darla Meeting Across the River Melissa Biggs Bradley's New Book Safari Style Makes Me Want To Go On A Safari midlife MIDLIFE CRISIS: When Reality Strikes, By Dean Christopher Movie Magic. By Amy Ferris My First Solo Trip: Mexico, Part I. By Dawn Larsen My Prostate Journey: A Personal Story My Tits Contain MulTITudes Naked & Not afraid by KC Roth Oasis in the Desert. One woman's honest journey through vaginal rejuvenation. OMG Yes. Pamela Anderson: What Her Story Says About Us paris Pillow Tawk (or NOT)? Play well with others. By Dish Stanley Playing Games: A Review of Esther Perel's New Sold Out Card Game. Podcast Review: Dying for Sex. Why You Need to Listen to Molly's Journey. political thrillers PrimeCrush & Chill: Movies Worth a Re-Watch PrimeCrush Bookshop PrimeCrush Cocktail Coaster Giveaway! QUIVER. Sexual Debut Stories. recommedations Red Flags Reports from the edge. By Jane Boon separate bedrooms Sexual Frustrations. By Elisabeth C Lamotte Shameless Quick & Easy Mac & Cheese. By Evie Arnaude Sighs & Moans. By Ralph Greco SIP. Best Lines from the Double Dates Podcast Hosted by Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue Six Ways to Get the Friends Who Count Snapshot Rec: Get Yourself Sexify-ed on Netflix. Snapshot Rec: Read Liza Lentini on the Indigo Girls in SPIN Solo in my Sixties. By Jeanne Bosse Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck. Stanley Tucci Is Paradise Stories to Read Aloud to a Lover. By A.K.A. Darla Tell Me More. By Dish Stanley The 3 Things You're Really Fighting About The 4 Most Common Skincare Issues for Men (But Were Afraid to Ask). By Lauren D. Weinstein The Crush Letter 44 The Crush Letter 51: DEVOUR The Crush Letter 58 the crush letter 72 the crush letter 73 The Crush Letter 75 the crush letter 77 The Crush Letter Its a tune The Crush Letter No 33 The Crush letter No 36 The Crush Letter No 39 The Crush Letter No 40 The Crush Letter No 41: DEVOUR The Crush Letter No 42 The Crush Letter No 43 The Crush Letter No 45 The Crush Letter No 46: DEVOUR The Crush Letter No 50 The Crush Letter No 53 The Crush Letter No 54 The Crush Letter No 55 The Crush Letter No 56 DEVOUR The Crush Letter No 57 The Crush Letter No 59 The Crush Letter No 60: DEVOUR The Crush Letter No 61 The Crush Letter No 62 the crush letter no 63 The Crush Letter No 64 The Crush Letter No 65: DEVOUR The Crush Letter No 66 The Crush Letter No 67 The Crush Letter No 68 The Crush Letter No 69 The Crush letter No 70 The Crush Letter No 74: DEVOUR The Crush Letter No 78 The Crush Letter No 80 The Crush Letter No 81 The Crush Letter No 82 The Crush Letter No 83: DEVOUR The Crush Letter No 84 The Crush letter No 85 The Crush Letter No 86: The Toy Tester Report The Crush letter No:71 DEVOUR The Crush Letter No. 79 The Crush Letter No. 94 The Crush Letter: Culture / Comment The Dynamics of Friendhip By Lauren D. Weinstein The Friendship Files By AKA Darla The Golden Bachelor The Hole. By Kiva Schuler The Holiday Anti-Checklist By Liza Lentini The New Menopause By Dr. Mary Claire Haver The Perfect Snowy Saturday. By Jeanne Bosse The Ritual of Comforts. By Lady Verity The Sex Position Report. By Dish Stanley The Solo Series Thee Timeless Travel Books. By Bob Guccione Jr. Things To Let Go Of. By Dish Stanley This must be the place To get all of us, subscribe. Top Ten Jazz Albums To Soothe Your Soul. By Lisa Ellex TOPIX Transitions Travel tips Treats: A Sex Toy Tester Update Under The Radar Series. By Dish Stanley Valentines day what dead to me taught me about family. Who Are CRUSH Readers Grateful For? Women of a Certain Age Whose Style I Admire You're My Medicine Your Big Green Heart. By Liza Lentini Your Love Is King & Queen, GQ Zits a poppin Zoning Out in Comfort. By Dean Christopher