The Crush Letter No 101: DEVOUR

. 19 min read

I'm Dish and I write a weekly newsletter about life, love, and culture for those 40+.  Because midlife and beyond is so much cooler than they said it would be.  Hell yes, sign me up for the Dish.


In This Letter.  +DEVOUR {things to do, watch, see & have}.   +Our Song of the Week All the better just to please you


If you're new here (welcome!), I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies. For more about me and why we're here go here.


Hello Crush,

"This whole sex-symbol thing is part of what I do as an actress. It's a kind of character I play. It's part of me, but not the whole me. " Raquel Welch

R.I.P. Raquel Welch

One of the things I think about when I consider Raquel Welch’s life and career is how hard it was for her to be seen as a multi-faceted person, or as an actress with breadth.  I did not read her memoir/self-help guide “Beyond the Cleavage," but I remember reading the quote above many years ago.  As if being sexy can be the only gift you get. Or is it that it's so powerful that others are blinded to any other gifts?

One of my first personal essays for The Crush Letter 74, "You’re Wearing A Turtleneck, Again? On Learning to Love Being Sexy & Smart in Midlife" was on just this topic, and how upsetting it was for me as a young woman to have my career derailed (temporarily but seriously) by the way I looked. Raquel is not alone in this in Hollywood, and of course, men can be just as typecast as the “dumb jock,” etc. It’s so limiting to feel boxed in – and ultimately it as constraining for those who feel boxed in as it is for anyone outside the box since ultimately we all benefit from a world where imagination, creativity and authenticity flow.

I know that you know I am committed to this idea that we can all be sex symbols (in our own way) and many more things as well – at any age – because I also wrote the ode to Sylvie, "'Merci’!' to Emily In Paris for One of the Most Compelling Women in Pop Culture. Sylvie." But one of the very best things about maturing is that it brings you the powerful combination of defining (or re-defining) yourself as you'd like with the whole giving less of a fuck about what others think attitude (that we wish we acquired so much sooner (some of us) but today is not too late).

A couple of weeks ago Crush Reader @hipwaldorf sent me this link of Raquel and Cher on Cher’s Variety Show in 1975 singing I’m A Woman. I forgot to include it last week - weird because it is so outrageously perfect as a way to thoroughly appreciate Raquel. So fab. Watch it here.

This week we have our DEVOUR Letter, brought to you by contributing editor Lisa Ellex and I, with love. Enjoy!


DEVOUR {things to do, watch, see & have}

In our monthly DEVOUR column we share all the things we think you should eat up.

Go! Tina Fey & Amy Poehler's Just Announced Live Tour. Tina & Amy's Restless Leg Tour is short and limited (April to June and only in Washington DC, Chicago, Boston and Atlantic City (so far!) but they are adding shows by the minute as it has been a SELL OUT since it was announced on February 14th). If you want to grab tickets (and of course you do!) keep your eyes on the Tina&Amy tour site and insta. Fey and Poehler were, as you probably know, a dynamite team as co-hosts of "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live. They initially met in the 90's as part of the Chicago improv scene, so they have been close friends and collaborators for over 20 years. It's going to be good, CRUSHes.

Watch. Sharper is a 90's style flashy swindler film set in Manhattan starring a fabulously cast Julianne Moore and John Lithgow as leads. Sharper (Appletv+) is a heist drama in which it's not always clear who is conning who. Part of its thrill is the feeling that it carries you back to the experience of movies like Grifter, Usual Suspects, or The Spanish Prisoner which first-time director Benjamin Caron is so clearly referencing. Caron does not hit the level of the finest in this genre, but I almost didn't care.  The double-crosses and highly stylized scenery are a smooth ride and a thorough escape.

Watch Sharper | Apple TV+
No one is who they seem in this neo-noir New York City thriller of ruthless manipulations and high-stakes power games.

Watch. Narrated by Anderson, the story chronicles her childhood in the tiny Canadian village of Ladysmith, her move to Los Angeles, her time in the Playboy mansion, landing the Baywatch series, and her time with Tommy Lee. Pamela, a Love story (Netflix). I have never seen an episode of Baywatch.  Not one. And when the famous Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee sex tape was released in 1995, I was busy birthing babies. I knew nothing at all about the tape, other than one that existed. So when the Pamela Anderson documentary – Pamela, a love story (Netflix) came out. I figured I’d catch up on the sordid details and see how far I could get without turning it off.  Narrated by Anderson, the story chronicles her childhood in the tiny Canadian village of Ladysmith, her move to Los Angeles, her time in the Playboy mansion, landing the Baywatch series, and her time with Tommy Lee.  I expected to see a lot of fluff but instead saw a headstrong woman who had the strength and courage to know when to leave. The film cleverly concludes with Anderson opening on Broadway in Chicago in the role of Roxie, a role Anderson was born to play as she, like Roxie, keeps marrying the wrong man.

Watch. The documentary, directed by Chris Smith, pays tribute to Downey Sr. and documents his life as a brilliant but starving artist, his substance abuse, and his three marriages. Sr. (Netflix) Long before the film world had Robert Downey Jr. they had Robert Downey Sr., the notorious 1960s counter-culture filmmaker best known for Putney Swope, Up the Academy, and more. Raised in a mad world of avante-garde filmmaking, Downey Jr. should have known that when he set out to make a documentary on his dad, it would be the dad who would be calling the shots – literally. Especially moving is the footage of Downey Jr’s mother, actress Elsie Ford.  A great depiction of the mid-century avant-garde film era, Downey Sr’s body of work, and the love and admiration between father and son.

Watch. An Inside Look at the Characters and Demands of Men’s Professional Golf. Full Swing (Netflix) is an addictive watch for anyone interested in professional men's golf. I sat down to watch "just the first episode" and four episodes later I was up way too late. I have to watch (and reflect on it) more to consider whether this intense look at the tour and its players during a particularly pivotal year for the game could be as interesting to non-golfers as, for instance, The Last Dance or Winning Time was for sports fans like me who were not Chicago Bulls or L.A. Lakers fans. I'm not sure. I don't know whether it is going to attract new fans to the game of golf. What I do know is that if you follow it now you will enjoy this inside access to the players', their ups and downs and personal lives.

Watch Full Swing | Netflix Official Site
This immersive documentary series follows a diverse group of professional golfers — on and off the course — during a relentless season of competition.

Watch/Listen. This is Stewart uncensored, delivering his always intelligent and in-depth take on current affairs as only he can. The Problem with Jon Stewart (Apple TV and Apple podcasts). Now in its second season, each one-hour episode focuses on a single issue that is “currently part of the national conversation and Stewart’s advocacy work.” Great guests and some of Stewart’s finest conversations (gun control, racism, veterans) to date.  Bonus: each episode has an accompanying podcast co-hosted by Stewart and his writing and production team. Launched on September 30, 2021, you can catch up with the podcast right here

Listen. Missing those wild water cooler moments with Jim Halpert, Pam Beesley, Dwight Shrute, Angela Martin, and even Michael Scott? Pine no more! Join actresses Jenna Fischer (Pam) and Angela Kinsey (Angela Martin) each week on The Office Ladies podcast as they break down an episode of The Office and regale us with up-close-and-personal stories of the best behind-the-scenes moments. You can catch up on the 155 recorded episodes recorded so far, buy some merch, and even submit questions about upcoming episodes.  Warning: you may not be able to resist the urge to jump ahead to those classic episodes “Company Picnic” (#104), “Dinner Party” (#103) and “Cafe Disco” (#69).

"Company Picnic" Episode #104

Episode 104 | Company Picnic — Office Ladies
This week we’re breaking down “Company Picnic” and it’s the 100th episode of “The Office”! All the branches of Dunder Mifflin gather for a company-wide picnic. Michael reconnects with Holly and the Scranton branch comes together to slay at some volleyball until Pam and Jim receive some very surprisi

“Cafe Disco” Episode #103

Episode 103 | Cafe Disco — Office Ladies
This week we’re breaking down “Cafe Disco”. Michael still has that seven year lease on the Michael Scott Paper Company office so he turns it into a cafe disco! Meanwhile Jim and Pam plan to sneak away to Ohio to elope. The ladies reveal how the writers came up with the idea of a cafe disco, Angela s

"Dinner Party" Episode #69

Episode 69 | Dinner Party — Office Ladies
This week we’re breaking down Dinner Party! Michael finally outsmarts Jim and Pam forcing them to come over to his condo for dinner. Steve Carell reads this week’s summary, and we hear from Melora Hardin, John Krasinski, Rainn Wilson, Ed Helms, Beth Grant and director Paul Feig on what it was like

Listen. The sublime duo of vocalist Rachael Price and guitarist/composer/performer Vilray Blair Bolles have just released their second album, I Love A Long Song. As in their 2019 debut record, this follow-up project shines in delivering the sultry and straightforward sound of the 1930s and 40s swing recording artists. Many contemporary artists have set out to recreate this great American music with diluted versions of the era but Rachael and Vilray are at the forefront here. Lead vocalist Rachael Price is best known for fronting the indie/pop group, Lakeside Drive.  If you are a fan of Lakeside Drive, you will marvel at Price’s gift for executing the nuances of the Trad Jazz genre. Equally impressive is Vilray’s songwriting ability, as 12 of the 13 cuts are his own originals impeccably produced in the style of the swing era, complete with a big band. Vodey-oh-doh-doh. Listen here

Read (before you watch). Head's Up: The Highly Popular Books Capote's Women and Daisy Jones and The Six Are Coming Out Soon on Screen.

Here's your head's up that now is the time to dive into these two highly popular books before they come out on screen.

Capote's Women: A True Story of Love, Betrayal and a Swan Song for an Era By Laurence Leamer. Truman Capote is as famous for his betrayal of the coterie of exquisitely rich and stylish women (his "swans") as he is for writing Breakfast at Tiffany's or his Pulitzer prize-winning nonfiction book In Cold Blood. In Capote's Women Leamer lays out how mesmerized Capote was by these women's highly constructed social lives (and wardrobes) and how he befriends (ensnares?) each swan, all while meticulously noting for his publisher that his subjects' dramatic stories will comprise his magnum opus. Admittedly, your sympathy for his victims is blunted by the reality that his swans, in turn, had each operated with equal cunning in ensnaring their husbands, the wealthiest and most powerful men of their period.

Town and Country has reported that the cast for the upcoming series will be headlined by Naomi Watts as Babe Paley and Tom Hollander as Capote. Chloe Sevigny, Calista Flockhardt, Demi Moore and Molly Ringwald are also in the cast.

Daisy Jones and The Six By Taylor Jenkins Reid If you were in a woman's book club in 2019 when this book came out you no doubt read it. It chronicles the skyrocket rise out of nowhere and then split of an imaginary 10970's rock band. The style is fun, suspenseful and engaging so I am not surprised it is coming out as a movie. Not sure what to make of the trailer, but then again I read the book and the characters don't match up with what I have in my imagination.

Watch. You don’t have to love kitchens to love this stunning series set in Cotes Mill. For the Love of Kitchens (HBO). The 16th-century water mill in the English countryside where peacocks roam a lush property that harbors a secret garden complete with a rotating summer house. The location is the workshop of the extraordinary cabinet maker, deVol. In each episode, hosts Paul O’Leary (deVol founder) and Helen Parker (creative director) work with clients to design and handcraft a custom kitchen. From locations in England, New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut, you’ll be seduced by the design, craftsmanship, and artistry of deVol.

Read. People pleasers.  We know them, we love them, and we might even be one. How many times have you deeply regretted saying “yes” when you really wanted to say “no” In her book, The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How To Say No That Puts You In Charge of Your Life., award-winning professor Vanessa Patrick, PhD, examines the science of saying “no” and illustrates how it will help you take charge of your life.  Dr. Patrick gives us the tools to become better communicators and strengthen our relationships to achieve our full potential by teaching us self-preservation skills and how to make positive life changes. And to that, I say, “yes!”

Read. Penned by actresses Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey, the book celebrates their off-screen friendship. The Office BFFs: Tales of The Office from Two Best Friends Who Were There features never-before-seen photographs of life on the set. Esquire calls it, “One of the Best Celebrity Memoirs of All Time.”

And since it is not Spring yet (and some of us are still buried under blankets to escape the cold), here is a reminder of some favorites we already told you about:

Watch. A riveting look inside a mental health journey. Stutz (Netflix) In this candid conversation with his real-life psychiatrist, Dr. Phil Stutz, actor Jonah Hill shares his own life struggles and the methodology that makes Stutz’s treatment a success. Hill has cleverly directed this riveting documentary, allowing us to witness Stutz guide him through his mental health journey while the practitioner unearths revelations concerning his own past. If you’re a fan of Freud or filmmaking, or you want to be introduced to some tools to help you address issues like insecurity, letting go, self-sabotage or overthinking in your own life you won’t want to miss this. For more about Dr. Stutz and his tools, visit https://www.thetoolsbook.com/

Watch. A glamorous Weimar period history. Babylon Berlin (Netflix) Set in Berlin during the Weimar Republic, this period piece is dripping with gorgeous art deco setting and costumes (reportedly the most expensive non-English-language show ever made).  It requires close attention because the historical time and place are rich with intrigue, political factions, and duplicity but the payoff is huge. Deliciously sleazy/sexy underground scenes.

Watch. A gripping chef’s story. The Bear (FX/hulu) follows a James Beard-winning chef who leaves the haute restaurant scene of New York City to return to working class Chicago to run his late brother's sandwich shop. The Bear is many things: a story of guilt and grief, a psychological drama, a family saga, a homecoming story, a heartbreaking dark comedy, a foodie show for those of us still grieving Bourdain, a contest of cultures (between toxic bro and evolved masculine), a love letter to working class Chicago. It moves at a gripping, sometimes exhausting, compulsive pace with lots of yelling and insults, which is a backdrop that serves many of its themes as well as one of its most insistent story lines – the restaurant is in debt and every single day is a fight to keep the lights on. The propulsive cadence could feel like it's too much, but it isn't because The Bear is also emotionally nuanced, touching and the writing is sophisticated.

Watch. An honest consideration of psychedelics. How to Change Your Mind (Netflix). This series from Michael Pollan builds on his book from 2018 of the same subject. It is on the history and science (and history of the science of) psychedelics. It offers a powerful argument as to why new science shows that using psychedelics can raise our consciousness and help manage depression, anxiety, compulsiveness, fear and addiction. It can also give you a powerful feeling of transcendence that allows you to approach everything with an elevated mindset. Psychedelics can be useful, we learn, for breaking bad habits, setting priorities and spiritual exploration. At this stage I have had enough friends who have reported great relief from using psychedelics in a controlled, safe and responsible way to treat their depression, compulsive behaviors and ptsd, so I was already "psychedelic curious." But the series was utterly convincing.

Watch. A surprising take on US-Mexican relations. Narcos Mexico (Netflix) A gripping portrayal of the origins of the modern war on drugs that began in the 1980s between the U.S. and Mexico. Mostly accurate, fascinating depiction of the power and politics behind the hunt by American DEA Agents on the ground in Mexico to destroy Mexico's drug cartels.

Watch. A dysfunctional family love story.  Offspring (Hulu) Absolutely addictive lighthearted Australian series that revolves around an anxious midlife obstetrician and a very quirky family and an up-and-down love life. If you need good people getting improbably entangled and having fun in your life, this is your show. Any friend who watched this series loved it and it was a major hit in the land down under for a reason.

Watch. A European political drama. Borgen (Netflix) is a Danish political drama in which a minor centrist politician ends up as the first prime minister of Denmark, with all the personal and family reverberations that entails. The fictional inside look at the political maneuvering and compromise required in a multi-party parliamentary democracy adds to the intrigue, especially seen from an American perspective.

Watch. An eccentric look at New York. Pretend It’s a City (Netflix) These seven episodes, produced, moderated, and directed by Martin Scorsese, had me laughing out loud during a time when there was nothing to laugh about. Scorsese follows deliciously prickly author Fran Leibowitz as she recounts her decades living through the good, the bad, and the ugly of magnificent New York City.  If the pull of New York speaks to you, know that this work will no doubt be archived among the best of classic New York documentaries.

Watch. A British MI5 Spy Series of a Different Sort. Slow Horses (Apple TV+)  Gary Oldman plays Jackson Lamb, a cynical, washed-up former master spy who manages a team of MI5 flunkies in this jaded twist on the British spy thriller. Based on a series of books by British novelist Mick Herron (called by many the finest spy writer since le Carre), it focuses on the underbelly and inner workings (or non-workings as the case may be) of MI5 and--most specifically--on the betrayals within the agency as they perform their singular versions of the power grabs we associate more with corporate politics. Oldman's performance as a failed spy is all the richer for having decades earlier played Smiley in the movie adaptation of le Carre's Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. The cast also includes many other outstanding performances, including Kristin Scott Thomas as MI5's head of operations (gunning for the top job). Pro tips: two things you absolutely must do: (i) put subtitles on (some of the accents are indecipherable), and (ii) get to the end of the second episode before making a thumbs up/down call. The first 1 1/2 episodes start slowly (after an initial thrilling chase scene), but boy, I was hooked by the third episode.

Watch. A British legal drama. The Split (on Hulu) - I binged the first two seasons straight, in 24 hours. If you think you might enjoy watching a dysfunctional family with a lot of dangerous, sexy secrets whose family business is headed by a matriarch who launched London's premier divorce law firm, this is your show. Two thumbs up, as Siskel and Ebert used to say.

Watch. A gritty Nordic noir. Trapped (Amazon Prime) If you like Nordic noir, this mystery series set in a remote town in Iceland is your thing.  It opens with a mutilated corpse found by fishermen and continues with a cold, gritty, engrossing story. Slow Burn. Aces.

Song of the Week

Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carne

Bette Davis Eyes

Social Media I Loved This Week

@diane_keaton

@lizlistens

@markmanson

@adamgrant

@hinwood06

@nedratawwab

And this was posted in a friend's signal (original creator unknown):

Re-sharing These Gems

Get Your Spy Thrill On.
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You’re Wearing A Turtleneck, Again? On Learning to Love Being Sexy & Smart in Midlife.
You’re Wearing A Turtleneck, Again?
The Midlife Friend Audit: You Need Good Friends. But Who Is Good? By Dish Stanley
Dish argues that having close friends is a necessity, but determining who staysand who goes requires some conscious consideration. She dishes out her secrets. You need friends. I wrote about how critical they are to our lives and happinessin Six Ways to Find the Friends Who Count and
‘Merci’!’ to Emily In Paris for One of the Most Compelling Women in Pop Culture. Sylvie.
Yes, we’ve seen other compelling women over 50 in major shows. But in Season 3 of Emily In Paris, Sylvie becomes a multi-faceted stick of dynamite, and one of the most riveting women to watch on television.
This Must Be The Place: Bob Guccione, Jr’s Upstate New York Escape
‘This Must Be The Place’ is a new feature where PrimeCrush-

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