The Crush Letter No.80

. 8 min read

I'm Dish and I write a weekly newsletter about friendship, love and sex in midlife.  Because midlife is so much hotter than they said it would be.  Hell yes, sign me up for the Dish.

Hello Crush,

Has anyone else watched Blonde yet? It's the new, heavily panned Marilyn Monroe biopic by Director Andrew Dominik based on the fictionalized Joyce Carol Oates novel. There's been a lot of agita around its release for months and between that and the fact that Monroe continues to remain an elusive, fascinating character I jumped on it when it dropped this week. And Oh Boy. What a colossal, disturbing, confused mess it is.  It is directed in a pastiche style of disjointed images and snippets and is nearly impossible to follow as a narrative – I mean, you get the larger arc – but between the unconventional camera angles, the switching from black-and-white to color and the chaotic chronology  – you're always lost. And then there's the portrait it paints of Monroe as an unmitigated victim. Surely true that she was a repeated victim, but has Dominik not seen her luminous performance in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes?, did he not know that she started her own production company? She contains more multitudes than are evident in Domik's mosaic. The movie is unwatchable. Disturbing. An utter mess. A vulgarity and an affront, IMHO. You're fair warned.

Moving on! We have so much to offer you this Saturday that is good and enjoyable and helpful. Partake!


If you're new here (welcome!), I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies. For more about me and why we're here go here.


In This Letter.  +A Life Redirected. By Lisa Ellex My faint “laugh lines” have graduated to deep “life lines.”   +I Redesigned My Closet for My Midlife Lifestyle: Here’s What Happened. By Daisy Foster That’s when I realized I didn’t need a closet cleanout, I needed a redesign.   +5 Things That Turn Me On: Hilary H Shoulders, collar bone, neck. Tease me, baby.  +Social I Loved This Week. By Dish Stanley Kevin Bacon’s Silky Moves.   +Our Song of the Week cause I speak of the pompatus of love


Transitions.

A Life Redirected.  By Lisa Ellex

‘Transitions’ is a new series where we address the all-important issue of redirecting our lives at this midlife stage. In the first of the series, PrimeCrush writer Lisa Ellex broaches the question of what it takes to do it all alone.

“I wish I knew when I was going to die.”  The comment sent my eyes darting to the mirror before me that reflected the fit 50-year-old woman cutting my hair. I understood exactly what she meant.  

“I just want to know that I have enough money to live out my life. I’ve made a good living doing hair but I just can’t do this anymore. I’m done.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. I did my best to comfort my stylist friend (and save myself from leaving the salon with an Edward Scissorhands haircut) and assured her that she was not alone in her angst. Of late, it seems the conversations amongst my peers focus on questions like. “Will I have to work until I die?”; “Can I start a new career or business at this stage of my life”; “Who will care for me if I become ill?”; “How do I know my children will be financially secure?”; “Can I really afford to take that dream vacation next year?”; “Would I make it through another pandemic?”; “Is it better to take social security benefits earlier or later?”; “Would life be easier if I sold my home and rented something?”  And finally: “Will I really break a hip if I don’t start HRT ASAP?”  

Major life changes, whether expected or unexpected, can be enough to send even the steadiest of us to the ER in a panic attack. And worrying alone in the dark at 3:00 a.m. is far more frightening than worrying alongside a partner. But as more women are finding themselves solo in life, finding a companion becomes more difficult as our male counterparts seek women at least ten years their junior. Doing the math, I figure that my potential other half is already 70-something-years-old. Hmmmmm.

Continue reading here

I Redesigned My Closet for My Midlife Lifestyle: Here’s What Happened.  By Daisy Foster

I know what you must be thinking: “Ugh! Not another closet cleanout…” Well, it’s not. Nor is it one of those insidious you-can’t-wear-this-after-40 “advice” articles. First things first: wear what you want to wear no matter what your age. And keep all of your stuff forever if you choose. For me, though, my body and my lifestyle have gone through some radical changes over the last few years, and my closet didn’t suit either anymore.

Some might say I was lucky in that my weight hadn’t shifted too much since college, and, when it did, the changes were too insignificant to demolish my self-esteem. I worked at my weight rigorously though, with calorie restrictions, and weekend warrior workouts–it was closely monitored and accommodated. Conquered, is more like it. I saw my weight as a battle to be won.

Enter midlife menopause, and suddenly all the clichés are true. Your body somehow takes on a shape you never knew possible. What’s worse, I’d seen this coming for years and none of my old tricks were working. I went to doctor after doctor and they all said the same thing: “Women of your age don’t need many calories.” I was in my early to mid-40s and trying to find a way to restrict even less. All that did, now I know, was mess things up even more.

Then, one day, at the end of 2020, I woke up, and quite literally, none of my clothes fit. Sure, plenty of people had gained weight during the COVID lockdown, and now I was working from home, but the weight seemed to be more stubborn than ever. I found myself going to bed every night fearing getting dressed in the morning. And if you think for a moment this is a privileged problem—as if I had nothing else to think about, or nothing else going on in my life—I’ll have you know that’s not true. However, throughout life’s inevitable trials I’d always found solace in my morning ritual of costuming myself, in a sense, for the day to come. I collected clothing, I loved every piece of it. I invested in it. My clothes gave me an armor of joy against life’s tougher times. With nothing fitting me now, that joy felt fruitless. I decided to try and clean out my closet.

Continue reading here.

5 Things That Turn Me On: Hilary H.

What turns you on?  We'd love to hear from you! (Yes, you!) If you’d like us to send you a template to fill out, it’s really easy and fun, please email me at dish@primecrush.com. You must be a CRUSH Reader! (PS you can publish under your alias.)

Name: Hilary H.

Is this your real name Yes! (at least the first name is! ;)

5 Things That Turn Me On:

Sexiest Song: Bryan Ferry’sDon’t Stop the Dance” from the album Boys and Girls, 1985. It is romance set to music. This is the song he plays in the car to get you into his place. No need for wine.  Just take me. Now.

Sexiest City:  Montreal. No need to fly to Paris. Art, music, wine, cheese, winding cobblestone streets, the best-dressed men EVER… et tous les choses.

Continue reading here

Social I Loved This Week.  By Dish Stanley

Kevin Bacon’s Silky Moves. I’m not the only one grooving to heavy doses of Silk Sonic. Insta @kevinbacon

Song of the Week

The Joker By Steve Miller Band

Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice
‘Cause I speak of the pompatus of love

One of the funnest lines in this song with a lot of really fun lines is "the pompatus of love." It's nonsensical, thrown in for fun and rhythm. Evidently when asked what it meant Steve Miller was known to respond, "It means whatever you want it to mean." Very e.e. cummings of him – cummings was a 20th Century American poet who was known to invent words (often by combining two common words into one like "girlgold" in his poem youful ). The invented words, among other things, let you project yourself into it.

The rest of The Joker is just as playful.

'Cause I'm a picker
I'm a grinner
I'm a lover
And I'm a sinner

I mean what does it even mean to be "a picker?" I think it's just a word that sounds good there.

The Joker was the title song of Miller's eighth studio album, released in 1973, Miller's first hit album. Previously Miller had focused on the blues and his earlier albums had a psychedelic feel and sound. The Joker had a distinctly classic rock& roll vibe. The follow-up album was also a hit Fly Like An Eagle.

Frequently I just need some classic rock to sing out loud to, particularly when I'm cooking or have been driving a while – the funner the better. The Joker hits that mood perfectly.

Steve Miller Band playing The Joker Live From Chicago

This weekend I hope you partake in the pompatus of love. And lots of it.

Dish Stanley XO,
Dish

You Won't Want to Miss A Thing. Here Are Links to Some Favorites.

+In Good Hands: A Midlife Couple’s Immersive Porn Surprise. By A.K.A Darla In search of titillation, one PrimeCrush columnist shares a sexy story about a long-term couple’s search for a porn experience that they could both enjoy, together...

+How to Find Porn That’s Actually Good. By Dish Stanley How to find porn that’s actually good? As in ethical as well as enjoyable? Porn may be ubiquitous, but finding good porn is much like finding a good book. You often pick up some bombs before you find an author you love. But once you land on (in this case, a director) you like, you might want to stick with them.

+Hefner. By Bob Guccione, Jr Bob Guccione, Jr. is the founder and Editor in Chief of WONDERLUST (wonderlusttravel.com) and the son of the founder of Penthouse Magazine. His father and Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy, were great rivals. Here are Bob's reflections on that rivalry and Hefner's place in the publishing Pantheon following Hef's death in 2017.



Tags

"Divorce, Baby, Divorce" by Liza Lentini "Don't Touch My Hat.*" Midlife Men & Loneliness "This is a Tale of Modern Love ..." 3 Things I Love Right Now 5 Great Boutique Hotels Around NYC. By Jeanne Bosse 5 things that turn our crush readers on A Book That Could Unf*ck Your Relationship: I Want This To Work By Elizabeth Earnshaw. Reviewed By Angela Kempf. A Circle of Crones. By Elayne Clift A Roman Love Affair. By Lady Verity A Truly Good Thing. By Dish Stanley A Turntable and a Candle: F-ing Classics About Face: Skincare Essentials for Men Amplify! Sex with Emily: The 12 Episodes CRUSH Readers Should Get on Top of An Upbeat Playlist for the Divorce-curious And I Wondered ... Do We Really Need A SATC Reboot? And Just Like That... Who Are These People?? By Jeanne Bosse Another brother gained and lost. By Jeanne Bosse Bedtime Rituals for Couples. By :auren D. Weinstein Bisexually Anxious Among the Noodges. Review: shiva Baby Bloody Good Sex Book Review: A Certain Hunger by Chelsea G. Summers Book Review: Maurice Book Review: Norma Kamali: I Am Invincible Book Review: Swan Dive: The Making of a Rogue Ballerina by Georgina Pazcoguins. Reviewed By Lady Varity Book Review: The Confidence Game: Why We Fall For It Every Time By Maria Konnikova' Book Review: The Lover. By Marguerite Duras. Book Review: The Story of O CRUSH Summer Reading List! From CRUSH Reader Sharon Weinberg, Owner of The Chatham Bookstore Dear Dish DEVOUR {things to do, have & know about} Dish Gets A Kink Assessment. Doing Nothing With Friends Eating Out. No Reservations Required. By Sugar Lips Effortless, Natural Holiday Makeup. By Lauren D. Weinstein Extended Encounters. By Lisa Ellex F*ck Songs. Three Best Jazz Albums for a Sexy Night In. By Lisa Ellex Five Best Jazz Clubs Around The Country. By Lisa Ellex Foria's Totally Useful Guide to Sexting Four Indie Bookstore That Stayed In My Life Long After I Left Town. By Dish Stanley French Kiss: French Girls Do It Better, Right? Fun in the sun skincare tips Girl Crush. By Lady Verity Grief. By Lauren D. Weinstein Healing Through Change. By Lauren D Weinstein Heard It at The Grammys: Dishs Crush on Silk Sonic Hefner. By Bob Guccione, Jr Hide A Love Note In Their Pocket. Holiday Perspectives. By Dean Christopher Hook Ups Hot Thots How to Be the Most Charming Person at a Holiday Party. By Evie Arnaude How to find porn thats actually good I am my own family I just turned 60 but I feel 22 I redesigned my closet. I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies In Good Hands. Kathy: This Is A Love Story About Three Friends La Mia Famiglia by Lisa Ellex Lamentations on the Lost Art of Kissing. By Elisabeth C. Lamotte Leave the husband, bring the cannoli. By A.K.A. Darla Let's Reconsider, with Adam Grant Love & Mike's "Bad Girl Pasta" Love/Sex/Moon Magick By Lynn Eaton LXIX. By A.K.A. Darla Melissa Biggs Bradley's New Book Safari Style Makes Me Want To Go On A Safari MIDLIFE CRISIS: When Reality Strikes, By Dean Christopher Movie Magic. By Amy Ferris My First Solo Trip: Mexico, Part I. By Dawn Larsen Naked & Not afraid by KC Roth Nice to Meet You. How Are You Crazy? Oasis in the Desert. One woman's honest journey through vaginal rejuvenation. OMG Yes. Pillow Tawk (or NOT)? Play well with others. By Dish Stanley Playing Games: A Review of Esther Perel's New Sold Out Card Game. Podcast Review: Dying for Sex. Why You Need to Listen to Molly's Journey. PrimeCrush & Chill: The Hottest Thing to Watch Right Now Is A 1968. French Psychodrama "La Piscine" PrimeCrush Cocktail Coaster Giveaway! QUIVER. Sexual Debut Stories. Red Flags Reports from the edge. By Jane Boon Sexual Frustrations. By Elisabeth C Lamotte Shameless Quick & Easy Mac & Cheese. By Evie Arnaude Sighs & Moans. By Ralph Greco SIP. Best Lines from the Double Dates Podcast Hosted by Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue Six Ways to Get the Friends Who Count Snapshot Rec: Get Yourself Sexify-ed on Netflix. Snapshot Rec: Read Liza Lentini on the Indigo Girls in SPIN Solo in my Sixties. By Jeanne Bosse Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck. Stanley Tucci Is Paradise Stories to Read Aloud to a Lover. By A.K.A. Darla Tell Me More. By Dish Stanley The 3 Things You're Really Fighting About The 4 Most Common Skincare Issues for Men (But Were Afraid to Ask). By Lauren D. Weinstein The Crush Letter 44 The Crush Letter 51: DEVOUR The Crush Letter 58 the crush letter 72 the crush letter 73 The Crush Letter 75 the crush letter 77 The Crush Letter Its a tune The Crush Letter No 33 The Crush letter No 36 The Crush Letter No 39 The Crush Letter No 40 The Crush Letter No 41: DEVOUR The Crush Letter No 42 The Crush Letter No 43 The Crush Letter No 45 The Crush Letter No 53 The Crush Letter No 54 The Crush Letter No 55 The Crush Letter No 56 DEVOUR The Crush Letter No 57 The Crush Letter No 59 The Crush Letter No 60: DEVOUR The Crush Letter No 61 The Crush Letter No 62 the crush letter no 63 The Crush Letter No 64 The Crush Letter No 65: DEVOUR The Crush Letter No 66 The Crush Letter No 67 The Crush Letter No 68 The Crush Letter No 69 The Crush letter No 70 The Crush Letter No 74: DEVOUR The Crush Letter No 78 The Crush Letter No 80 The Crush Letter No 81 The Crush Letter No 82 The Crush Letter No 83: DEVOUR The Crush Letter No 84 The Crush letter No 85 The Crush Letter No 86: The Toy Tester Report the crush letter no 89 The Crush letter No:71 DEVOUR The Crush Letter No. 79 The Dynamics of Friendhip By Lauren D. Weinstein The Friendship Files By AKA Darla The Hole. By Kiva Schuler The Holiday Anti-Checklist By Liza Lentini The Perfect Snowy Saturday. By Jeanne Bosse The Ritual of Comforts. By Lady Verity The Sex Position Report. By Dish Stanley Thee Timeless Travel Books. By Bob Guccione Jr. Things To Let Go Of. By Dish Stanley This must be the place To get all of us, subscribe. TOPIX Transitions Treats: A Sex Toy Tester Update Under The Radar Series. By Dish Stanley what dead to me taught me about family. Who Are CRUSH Readers Grateful For? You're My Medicine You're Wearing A Turtleneck, Again? Your Big Green Heart. By Liza Lentini Your Love Is King & Queen, GQ Zits a poppin Zoning Out in Comfort. By Dean Christopher