The Crush Letter No 59:

. 10 min read

I'm Dish and I write a weekly newsletter about friendship, love and sex after 45.  Because we are way cooler than they said we would be.  Hell yes, sign me up for the Dish.

Hello Crush,

Welcome back, CRUSH Readers. I hope you had a wonderful week end of celebrating whatever you celebrate, including Coachella. I enjoyed my much-needed week end off eating and drinking too much in New York City, as well as trying to score tickets to see / hear the jazz quartet Joshua Redman, Brad Mehldau, Christian McBride and Brian Blade play together at the Blue Note in what is being billed as their "Moodswing Reunion." I love that album, Moodswing, and given that it came out in 1994, this is a long overdue reunion. (I did not manage to score any tickets but if you happen to be in Boston this Sunday maybe you can catch them at Symphony Hall).

I did, though, have a long conversation with a friend and CRUSH Reader who had been widowed five or six years ago. I knew life was going well for her (and that we needed to catch up) when I got a text saying " ... There can be love and great sex after loss! To be discussed." She is a few years older than I am and very candid, so I always learn so much from her. I'll share some tidbits from my intriguing evening with her and her love(r) in an upcoming Letter, but let me just say–-I love hearing your love stories. I've had that pleasure so often since I started writing The Crush Letter, as the Letter itself seems to be a form of invitation.

As does Dean Christopher here. Share one of his love stories with us. He has contributed some wonderful pieces to The Crush Letter, but the one below about his midlife affair with a much younger woman was an eye-opener for me.

Enjoy that, and much more in this Letter.

(PS If you did go to Coachella, please let us know if Harry Styles was as electric as they are saying.)

If you're new here (welcome!), I'm Dish, the Master of Ceremonies. For more about me and why we're here go here.

In This Letter.  +SIGHS & moans: “Ok, So I Had This Idea We Might Turn the Bedroom Into the 19th Century One-Room School House and You Can Dress Up In”… By Ralph Greco For the latest in our recurring column from our resident eroticist, he shares how to tell your lover, friend with benefits or spouse about your fantasies.   +MIDLIFE CRISIS: When Reality Strikes. By Dean Christopher A regular PrimeCrush contributor tells us about how hot his relationship with a significantly younger woman was. Until it was not.   +Amplify! Sex With Emily Podcast: The 12 Episodes CRUSH Readers Should Get On Top Of. {No 5 of 12} Listen and laugh along as Emily talks about Sex with Comedians.  +Midlife First Date Checklist for Someone You Really Like. By Lisa Ellex Eight steps to prepare for the date and after ;)   +Love/Sex/Moon/Magick: Friend or Foe? Ask the Tarot!  By Lynn Eaton A simple Tarot layout anyone can try to see if their friendship is in the stars—or cards.   +Our Song of the Week "I just want to make you happy again"

SIGHS & moans: Introducing Your Fantasy

“Ok, So I Had This Idea We Might Turn the Bedroom Into the 19th Century One-Room School House and You Can Dress Up In”…  By Ralph Greco

A regular column on love, sex, and kink in relationships from the host of the podcast Licking Non-Vanilla, who has spent a lot of time contemplating all of it in his sixty years of being alive.

So, you are entertaining some thoughts that have led you on some late-night Internet searches, stuff you have been thinking about even when rolling around in bed with your lover? Stuff that you really can’t get out of your head? What should you do with these fantasies? If you have been with a partner for a bit or might like to show off your adventurous spirit with somebody new, is it safe to spill the beans on your naughty inner-most thoughts? Out your fantasy, as it were, and make it a reality?

In the end, how does one introduce their fantasy to a partner? Here are some thoughts:

The Irony of Familiarity

Ironically, those closest to us, a spouse or even a friends-with-bene’s partner, could be the hardest to tell your fantasy to. Set against your usual manner of making love, suddenly revealing some sexual desire you have kept hidden from your partner or opening your imagination enough for them to take a peek inside, ironically can be scarier the closer you are to someone.  You have lots to lose if somebody you really care for is taken aback by your desire to play naked fireman or house inspector, or by you revealing your clutching fascination with your lover’s sneakers.  After all, if they don’t take too well to your “can’t-un-ring-a-bell” moment, it’s going to hurt.

So, don’t be surprised that you become tongue-tied when it comes to revealing a fantasy to someone you love and trust above all others.

But muster your courage and proceed. The best part of mining a deep intimacy with someone is knowing that this person, out of all people, has your back.  Accepts you.  Appreciates and respects your act of vulnerability and trust.  And really, if this is someone you’ve known for years, they may have suspected a thing or two about your naughty little noggin anyway.

Hell, you’d be damned surprised (and eager) to learn what’s in theirs, wouldn’t you?!

Continue reading here

MIDLIFE CRISIS: When Reality Strikes.  By Dean Christopher

One PrimeCrush writer tells us his story of how a midlife relationship between two people with an age gap is all fun and games until they had nothing in common.

Looking back on our lives from the vantage point of years, most mature adults can recall quite a few romantic entanglements along the way. Love affairs tend to consist of three basic parts. First comes the forming of the relationship, from attraction to first meetings to finally getting together. This is the Hot Monkey Sex part: sipping cocktails in the sunset; candles and intimate dinners; the first weekend getaways. Sonnets by her breakfast plate are optional.

The second part, which varies greatly in length, is the relationship itself. This consists of dating, living together, or marriage. Fewer candles and weekend getaways; more falling asleep while reading; less gasping, more yawning. Deadly Routine sets in.

The third and final stage of relationships is the final one -- the invariably ugly process of breaking up.

But when you get right down to it, the hardest part of breaking up is knowing when it's over. Usually, we can spot the symptoms only after the fact, often many years later.

But occasionally there comes a rare occasion when you know for certain that you're at The End.

This happened to me when I was about 40 years old. Call it a "midlife crisis" if you wish, I'm OK with that. I met a remarkably attractive 21-year-old woman, daughter of a colleague of mine from an advertising agency where he and I had previously worked.

Continue reading here

Amplify! Sex With Emily Podcast: The 12 Episodes CRUSH Readers Should Get On Top Of.

This series highlights the best episodes from our favorite podcasts. One of them is Sex With Emily hosted by Sex Expert Dr. Emily Morse.  Every one is worth a serious listen, but I have picked out the 12 invaluable episodes that CRUSH Readers who want to be good in bed really.can't.miss. To read more on why you need Sex With Emily in our intro on this series, go here.

{No. 5 of 12} Sex W/Comedians

Episode Date September 24, 2021 (52 Minutes)

Ever wonder if comedians are funny in bed? Emily talks to four comedians about their sex lives, and hilarity inevitably ensues. But, as luck would have it, comedians struggle with the same problems as many of us do: not having enough time and feeling insecure and anxious.

Who They Are.

Dean McDermott: Married to Tori Spelling and dad of six, Dean McDermott talks about how he keeps his sex life hot.

Nicky Paris: Nicky Paris shares a podcast with Dean and has never been in a relationship. He blames his Catholic guilt and tendency to be overly picky.

Margaret Cho: In addition to being a famous comedian, Margaret Cho is a long-time BDSM enthusiast who’s also a lifelong submissive. She jokes about how being Korean is having a moment right now, being in a sexless marriage, and the fact
that she wants to stay single for the rest of her life.

Adam Ferrera: Famed for his role in Nurse Jackie, Adam Ferrera talks about sex and anxiety.

Best lines:
13:37 Dean, “I’m hung like a light switch. God is a cosmic joker.”
14:34 Emily, “Best sex tip?” Nicky, “Make sure there are towels and a Xanax close.”

Continue reading here


Friend or Foe? Ask the Tarot!  By Lynn Eaton

Our resident Wiccan offers a simple Tarot layout anyone can try to see if their friendship is in the stars—or cards.

Friendships during midlife can be challenging, to say the least. It was so much easier “before.” Maybe I’m just pickier now. Maybe it’s because we live on an acreage in rural Saskatchewan. Maybe it’s COVID. But how do I know if this new acquaintance will become a good friend? Or a lover? (Not another lover for me, I’m firmly committed. But this could work for you if you’re “on the market.”)

Good friendships are like comfy sweaters: They keep you warm. They come with sweet memories. Sometimes they get dirty with you and may even come unraveled from time to time. But when do you let go? When is it time for something new? How to choose from so many options?

Friendships are like that for me, too. The Tarot helps me to sort through the fabric of those friendships.

Tarot reading has been a part of my life for over thirty years. I have over two dozen different decks that I enjoy. Two of those decks traveled with me to Delphi, Greece to connect with the ancient oracles. Like those oracles, I am merely a conduit for the answers in the Universe. And the Tarot is not the be-all and end-all to questions. It helps to clarify situations and relationships.

Here is a simple layout anyone can try, even if you’re unfamiliar with the Tarot:

Breathe deeply and think about the person in question while shuffling your deck. See this person in your mind’s eye. Think about how this person came into your life. Think about where you believe you are now in this relationship. Think about where you believe this alliance will go in the immediate future

Continue reading here

Song of the Week

Late Night Talking By Harry Styles

I was in New York City, not at Coachella 2022, last week. But I've read the reports and watched the videos. You might have seen that Harry Styles lit up Coachella, serenading a crowd of over 100,000. (I hear that and all I can think about is how far across the desert I would have had to walk to find a port-a-potty, how long the line would have been and what kind of state it was in.)  Coachella has released two "official videos" from his performance, but a friend sent me this unofficial one of a new song he debuted called  Late Night Talking.  Don't you think it's got a fab Prince vibe (from the 80's) mixed with something upbeat like Huey Lewis and the News? I love it. We've been doing all this late night talking ... Can't get you off my mind.

Harry's opener at Coachella As It Was showcased what a great natural performer he is, his charisma and warmth. I mean, when he removes that fabulous Gucci coat it's everything  ... The song is good too. Watch it here.

If you missed this duet with Shania Twain, it is so much fun. I've read that Shania Twain is one of his favorite performers and their ease with each other is palpably obvious here. As is how much he is enjoying teasing all of us by singing this particular song Man! I Feel Like A Woman!. When his eyes follow Twain's hand as she runs it down his chest, yeowza.  Watch the video here.

Yes, I realize I bounced musically from Joshua Redman to Harry Styles to Shania Twain in this Letter. What can I say but I contain multitudes. And man, I feel like a woman.

And if you enjoy The Crush Letter, please (please, please) foward it to someone you love. (Or even folks you don't love. Thanks.)

Dish Stanley XO,

If you love me as much as I love you (and I really do love you!), then please help me grow by forwarding this {love} Letter to a friend!  And I'd love to have you join us on instagram, facebook & twitter.

You Won't Want to Miss A Thing. Here Are Links to Some Favorites.

+ SIGHS & moans By Ralph Greco

+AMPLIFY! The 12 Sex With Emily Podcast Episodes CRUSH Readers Can't-Miss. By Dish Stanley

+Hook Ups: Founders We Think You Should Know

+The Friendship Files. By A.K.A. Darla

+Mi Amas Miajn Amikojn. By Dean Christopher

+Love/Sex/Moon/Magick: A Series from PrimeCrush’s Resident Wiccan


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